Thread: Married and sexually frustrated...tried everything

Hello,

Here is some background:

I am 31 years old married to a gentleman 11 years my senior for almost 6 years. We have one beautiful toddler together. Ever since I got pregnant in 2007 our sex life has gone downhill and has progressively gotten worse. I have always been the agressor and initiator with sex. We used to have it a couple of times a week. Now its once a month or once every month and a half, and only occurs if I initiate it first.

The problem:

I kindly ask for it and my husband will agree and say yes tonight that sounds great. Then the night comes and nothing happens. Husband goes straight to bed, no action. Yes we have a toddler who is in her terrible two's who takes alot of our energy out of us, but still. In the last several weeks I have been promised sex 3 times and no follow thru. My husband is not messing around I already know this for a fact it just seems like he is not interested in sex anymore. He won't do counceling. He is definitely aware of my concern, I have cried about it to him, wrote letters, have had many conversations about it, kindly asked for it. He makes empty promises and hardly follows through. Its almost as if we have to go out and have some fun and him get into the mood for anything sexual to occur. Now I am getting to the point where I am so unhappy and depressed about the lack of love I am receiving it is affecting me everyday. Even at work I am unhappy. I have tried to go for personal counceling for just me and those councelors make me feel worse by telling me my husband needs to be there with me that it takes two to grow a garden. I totally get that but I need help in just dealing with the rejection I am receiving and the lack of love I am not receiving. I have purchased books for marriage help and even audio books for self help. Still stumped here. I don't want to give up I love my husband he is a terrific provider but our sex is dead and I am plain tired of getting rejected. Divorce usually comes up in the back of my mind because the hurt is too much to keep enduring over and over. I have tried to dress up, look nice I am nearly the same weight I was when we were dating-still he just acts like I am just a companion. He is affectionate sometimes, but not very romantic how I desire. Again, I have expressed this tons of times, most recently I told him I cannot live the rest of my life feeling like this he promised to work on it and said we would have action tonight and guess what? He is sleeping right now! He won't get help or counceling, its his ego or whatever, he is stubborn. We have had tons of fights about it. I tried reverse psychology and just acted like I am uninterested in sex and just go about my day, but I am a human being I can only lean back for so long! Nothing works...if anyone knows of something else I can try please tell me. Simply trying to seduce this man won't work...thanks.

Its almost as if we have to go out and have some fun and him get into the mood for anything sexual to occur.

Okay then... why not do that?
Maybe he sees you as a mother now, not as a lover, and he needs to see the "lover" side again, in an environment away from the home where the "mother" side of you lives.
Worth a try, eh?

(Who'd have ever thought a man would need "romancing" to get in the mood? Well, you read through the posts on these fora, and you'll see that this is actually pretty common, that men and women are more alike than either sex will admit.)

Thanks for the reply..."Date night" is what its called which is great and its healthy for a marriage to keep it going right? But for action to only occur when we can get a babysitter and leave the house isn't always convenient or appreciated. I have suggested a date night at home where he and I can be intimate at least every week-even if nothing happens I appreciate the cuddling-he agrees and again NOTHING HAPPENS. This is always initiated by me...what do I need to do to get my man to chase me and not the other way around? How do I get him to ask me on a date? I've tried to be quiet and wait for him to come to me, but I tell you I will be getting some gray hairs if I wait too long...lol thx.