the idea of an orgasm seems bizarre to me

**GoldenSquirrel** · 11-08-2010 06:38 PM

I became sexually active in December 2009, and I have had 2 partners. When I was still a virgin I had crushes and fantasized about cuddling/making out/having sex with guys I like. That's pretty normal. But when I started having sex for the first time I realized how much I didn't know.
I first heard about orgasms when I was in sixth grade. From what people said, I got the impression that they were a really good feeling and that they had something to do with sex. Back then I didn't care about getting orgasms because I figured they were something that adults get when they have sex. I was just a kid who was too young for sex, so of course I didn't expect to get them.

When I lost my virginity at 19, I noticed that my partner would get them. Since I was now an adult and sexually active I wanted one too. I began to do a lot of research and found out that most women can't get them from intercourse and that you need to masturbate to learn how to get them. I was never interested in masturbation, so that may explain why I never get them during sex.

Despite knowing this I am reluctant to try masturbation. Not because I think it's dirty but because I'm afraid it won't work. As long as I don't masturbate or use a vibrator I can go on thinking that this is the reason I don't orgasm. But if I do masturbate or use a vibrator and still don't orgasm then there will be nothing left to try. I will have to accept the fact that orgasms are impossible for me no matter what I do.

I have read many message boards where women say that they can't orgasm from intercourse but they can from masturbation. These posts give me hope because at least these women have one way of getting an orgasm. But once in awhile I will read about a woman who says she can't even orgasm by masturbation. This fills me with a sense of dread, because these women don't orgasm at all. That's why I'm afraid to try masturbation. What if I do it several times and still can't orgasm? If I tried a vibrator and couldn't even orgasm from that, I would lose all hope and become totally depressed.

**caterpillar79** · 11-08-2010 06:48 PM

Well, you haven't tried...

Besides, masturbation and/or vibrators are not the only ones that would be able to bring a woman to orgasm. Some women also orgasm through oral stimulation from a partner, aside from penetration. Reading erotic novels also enhance the ability of some women - remember, the mind is the sexiest part of the body.

Doing kegel exercises alone could also help, including the use of kegelmaster. I haven't tried the latter, but I am flirting with the idea of getting myself one.

You're too young to think that you can never get your orgasms. Try to gently touch yourself - not only down there, but also your breasts, your palms - oh, so many nerve endings there, your own thighs, try it and see how it feels.

Read about tantric sex and see if you'd like that. WC would be able to suggest books for you to read as well...

**lizzardb63** · 11-08-2010 07:28 PM

When my boyfriend does clitoral stimulation it does feel alright, but not enough to make me orgasm. He says he doesn't really know what he is doing, and to be honest, I can't tell him what to do either, but I am not exactly that familiar with clitoral stimulation myself. I am not comfortable with masterbating (i dont know why...just am not), so what do you suggest? That we keep trying it and figure it out as we go?

**Bellalla** · 11-09-2010 07:08 PM

Is your boyfriend using his hands or his tongue to stimulate your clitoris?

I find that oral sex is by far the best way for me to have an orgasm.

Don't feel down on yourself about not having an orgasm during sex though, very, very few women have orgasms from penetration alone. You are totally normal and very, very, very likely are capable of having clitoral orgasms.

I don't mean to pressure you, but I strongly suggest you reconsider masturbation.
I know it can be daunting and intimidating, but it really is a wonderful way to get to know your own body and become more confident sexually. It could be very empowering to discover orgasms on your own and learn a new part of yourself.

It's your choice obviously, but the best sex happens when you feel comfortable and masturbating is a great way to feel more comfortable with yourself.

**WildChild** · 11-09-2010 08:43 PM

One book I would recommend is, The Orgasm Loop.
Here is the link to the thread for books on sex.
http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...books-sex.html

Why not see if anything else catches your eye?

**Texasred** · 11-09-2010 09:31 PM

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

When my boyfriend does clitoral stimulation it does feel alright, but not enough to make me orgasm. He says he doesn't really know what he is doing...

(No further comment seems necessary here.)

**Texasred** · 11-09-2010 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by GoldenSquirrel

...I am reluctant to try masturbation. Not because I think it's dirty but because I'm afraid it won't work. As long as I don't masturbate or use a vibrator I can go on thinking that this is the reason I don't orgasm. But if I do masturbate or use a vibrator and still don't orgasm then there will be nothing left to try.

You've left out the far more likely possibility: What if you try one or the other of the self-stimulation approaches and it *DOES* work?
And then what if you can pass on this new-found knowledge to your boyfriend?
Considering the many millions (billions?) of women for whom this has worked since we descended from the trees, or Adam gave Eve the apple, don't you think this is by far the more likely outcome? (no pun intended...)

**WildChild** · 11-10-2010 12:12 AM

Originally Posted by GoldenSquirrel

Despite knowing this I am reluctant to try masturbation. Not because I think it's dirty but because I'm afraid it won't work. As long as I don't masturbate or use a vibrator I can go on thinking that this is the reason I don't orgasm. But if I do masturbate or use a vibrator and still don't orgasm then there will be nothing left to try. I will have to accept the fact that orgasms are impossible for me no matter what I do.

I have read many message boards where women say that they can't orgasm from intercourse but they can from masturbation. These posts give me hope because at least these women have one way of getting an orgasm. But once in awhile I will read about a woman who says she can't even orgasm by masturbation. This fills me with a sense of dread, because these women don't orgasm at all. That's why I'm afraid to try masturbation. What if I do it several times and still can't orgasm? If I tried a vibrator and couldn't even orgasm from that, I would lose all hope and become totally depressed.

This is like saying you've heard how good chocolate tastes but you are afraid you won't like it, so you won't taste it, that way you can just imagine how good it might be.

Let me tell you that even if you don't orgasm, genital stimulation can still feel pretty darned good. But you aren't going to know until you try. It may take some time but good things are worth working on.