Thread: No pleasure during penetration...

Can you orgasm from other stimulation such as your partner using his hands?

I've been trying to pin down the whole orgasm from intercourse thing so I can explain it better. I'm not able to yet. I've always orgamsed from penetration (well, there have been times I just haven't orgasmed at all but think it had more to do with where my head was than where his head was, if you know what I mean?)

The more aroused you are before hand, the more readily you will orgasm. That isn't just a matter of foreplay. Foreplay can be very, ummm, arousing but what is going on in your head can be even more so. My former lover and I had an amazing sexual connection. For me any thought of him was arousing. Thinking about him or hearing his voice on the phone would get me horny. Being in the same space, able to smell his skin, brush against him.... I didn't require any more foreplay than that (wanted it though and that is why we are no longer together - he wouldn't give). I kept myself in that state of mind, it was part of my self talk. With him I could start orgasming at the moment of penetration with no "foreplay".

Your mind really is your most powerful sex organ.

However I know it's a kind of feedback loop. The more positve sexual experiences you have, the more you expect them, therefore you get more of them and that in turn causes you expect even more positive experiences.

To start with you might try adopting the definition of orgasm used by the Welcomed Consensus, that orgasm is when your genitals feel better than the rest of your body. That's a rather limited definition but it can be a starting point and take some pressure off from expecting a big 4th of July fireworks response. You should understand that both you and your partner can orgasm multiple times but it does seem to be much easier for women since men often get confused and think that ejaculation must come with orgasm. So if you orgasm with foreplay that doesn't mean you are done, not by a long shot. Rather, that should be the warm up, with more and better to come.

Get the book One Hour Orgasm and read up on peaking. This is a technique of building up to orgasm and then lowering it down and then building up again and quieting it down again, doing this teaches you your body responses and builds your levels of response, when you really orgasm it is much more intense. When you and your partner learn this, he can peak you, over and over, get you right to edge or orgasm and then enter you and I'll bet you'll go right over the top.

A lot of it is learning to relax into your body. That doesn't mean going limp in bed. We certainly don't want anyone doing that.... but you have to be comfortable in your body and get to know it. Make it your friend, you will be living in it for this entire life experience. Coming to be comfortable being naked, being touched, touching, is important. Orgasm does require a balance between sexual tension and being able to relax and let go.

I hope this ramble is of some help.