What can I say or do?

**Butterflylily** · 11-14-2010 12:51 PM

I have the same problem now for years...

My boyfriend wont let me try anything intimate on him we cant do anything because he says "I wont enjoy it anyway"

Maybe this topic should be in the sex thread but im going crazy...I dont want to cheat on him

. I wanna work things out...He seems to have this Phobia of sex thanks to his past parthners (twho were toy loves), he says hes fine and hes always ok with me but I know he hides things, I talk to him everyday asking how he feels making him feel wanted, but whenever we have sex its all about me and him using toys, vibes etc...

In his head he thinks.... "Women are all about Vibators" and its been that way for years now, True that some men are Insecure about it, but he doesnt seem insecure about it....

instead now hes comfortable with using them than back then he says, but the problem is maybe a little tooo much Comfortable about using them. Whenever i try to touch him he says "No, dont do that you wont enjoy that" and he reaches for a Vibe and uses it on me, I recently told him to stop.

I trew all the toys he brought me to finally convince him that I want him, but he keeps buying stuff, He has already buyed like 40 or more, and this Hitachi Wand thing..its just..god i feel soo weird

I feel..Selfish I feel...idk im having a little of Insomnia i cant sleep

.

He says hes ok, he convinces me hes ok and wants me to always be ok but he wont let me get close to him...I feel wanted by him but knowing I cant pleasure him really kills me inside. And i dont wanna cheat..... thats disgusting if i did, Ive felt him sometimes at night when he has an Erection in the morning and ive seen him in the shower, but thats just about it.

Sex is supposed to be Emotional and Something Beautiful but no, to him sex is all about Making me feel good with Vibrators and toys, I dont get it... Ive asked this countless times here i was wondering if anyone could tell me, what to say to him? or anything that could clear his mind up cause ive tried many things, Counseling, Being romantic with him but nothing...

Any help?

**WildChild** · 11-14-2010 01:28 PM

Butterfly if it's been years it doesn't sound like you are going to be able to open his awareness. He has bought into this line of thinking very solidly. You can't make someone change, only they can do that. The question is canyou live with a lifetime of this? If not you need to move on and find a man who wants to touch and share his body with you.

**ManINeedACoffee** · 11-14-2010 01:29 PM

I agree that your boyfriend has blown his past experiences way out of proportion, but don't follow suit and blow his problems out of proportion too. These are HIS problems - not every man's problems. I've known VERY few men who have had this problem personally...in fact...yours is the only one I've heard of. His lack of confidence, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-esteem are causing him to make this into a big issue. He's going to have to get over himself and live a little, but you can't make him do that if he doesn't want to. Those other women may have "started it," but he has chosen to continue to let this go to his head rather than make a clean start with someone who is more interested in him than toys.

I sympathize with your boyfriend - it can't be easy having someone repeatedly tell you, "This vibrating piece of plastic and silicone satisfies me more than you ever will." At the same time, how long is he going to sit there and punish both you AND himself for someone else's mistakes? The Most Epic Failure Of The Entire Century will NOT occur if he has sex with you sans toys. I can't help but feel that a reality check is in order here.

Vibrators and toys are not evil. They're supposed to spice things up, make it more "fun" (hence, "toys"), or for solo flights. Just because he has had issues in the past with women who are obsessed with vibrators (they have probably never had great sex, and thus depend on them), it does not mean that ALL women have this obsession.

As far as him saying, "No we're not doing that because you won't like it anyway," how on earth does he know what you'll like and what you won't like? Does he HAVE the gift of foresight? Can he feel the things that you feel? No. Let him know that YOU will be the judge of that. Forgive me, but that excuse is such a cop-out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-24-2010 04:07 PM

Moved to "sex" section to gain more replies

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-15-2010 02:56 AM

Butterfly...

I don't know what to say....

I've seen this myself personally though years ago...

And, I am convinced that man was actually gay... I say this with heart okay..

You are not getting intimate, he won't let you touch him, he has bought 40 toys and trys using them on you, you, end up dry and it hurts and this is because all you want is his touch and now you are reverting to cheating and to fantasy of being raped... Yes, I read your threads...

You sooo want to be touched, not used as a toy, what are you doing? Why are you staying?

You deserve to feel, not to be felt for frig sake ....

YEARS is not an excuse for "shyness" this is not the case, he was either abused himself and can't do it or he is gay in my opinon, he is trying to cover by buying these zillion toys and using them on you which has resulted in you not "feeling" and craving for love, intimacy....

CW

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