man seeking woman's perspective

**feelurwetness** · 11-18-2010 04:59 PM

Newbie post so apologies in advance for any broach of protocol. I have always enjoyed giving as much or more than receiving. There are so many parts of a woman's body that I think are arousing. Her neck, the curve of her pelvis when she's lying on her side. Behind her knees, her ankles and most of all that lovely Y. Since I've been a teenager, I have made sure my partner came before me. I still enjoy giving as much as receiving. I love the pelvic gyrations and auditory signals that precede a woman's orgasmic plateau. I love keeping her on the edge for as long as possible stimulating her orally and (g-spot) manually until her hips are stretching towards me, aching for friction. The problem I have is that I get so turned on by this that I often come myself in the process. Even if I avoid that, I can't provide much in the way of stamina via penetration afterwards. I've always been somewhat embarrassed by this and am concerned that it appears as a lack of virility. I'd be interested in hearing any candid replies to this. Again, new guy in what seems to be a predominantly woman's forum. If this offends, advance apologies.

**Bellalla** · 11-18-2010 05:07 PM

I just advised someone else on another forum on a similar topic, so here's what I wrote to him. Hope it helps:

Have you tried cumming once and then having sex shortly afterward?

I mean, many, many men have a hard time controlling their ejaculation at first, but usually with the second erection, it's not a problem.

You could easily have an ejaculation during foreplay, maybe if she gives you head, then just continue with foreplay until you get hard again, and then you should be able to last much longer.

If it was my first time with a guy and he was honest and said "I am so worked up, I think if you even touch my penis I'll come" I would probably be excited as long as he made it clear that things weren't going to end just because of it.
It's nothing to be ashamed of, and who says the fun is over just because you ejaculated?

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-18-2010 05:34 PM

Something else to consider, a low dose of an anti-depressent. The SSRI class of these products (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) have sexual side effects (they lengthen the time it takes a man to ejaculate) that have many physicians writing them for something other than depression.

I don't know about you and your situation, but my partner tends to get the most pleasure out of the volume of semen produced in my first ejaculation vs ejaculations there after. Me personally, much like you, I get off (mental orgasm) by bringing her pleasure, so it's not a big deal to me either way.

Bringing her pleasure and making sure she is satisfied with our sex is all I need.

**caterpillar79** · 11-18-2010 05:36 PM

Read about tantric sex. It would help you last longer, control your ejaculation, and even achieve multiple orgasms without ejaculation.

**LanaBear** · 11-18-2010 05:40 PM

I really don't think there is anything to be embarrassed by here... You are bringing her to pleasure and you are getting pleasure from that. I think that is awesome, personally. It would be different if you were all in it for yourself, didn't do anything to her or felt the need to pleasure her, you got off on your few minutes of hump time in, boom, done and over. THAT to me would be offensive. However, knowing you are getting to where you are getting because of what you are doing to please a woman? Huge turn on.

But Cat's idea is a good one, maybe look into exploring tantric sex a bit and see how that goes.

**Bellalla** · 11-18-2010 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

Read about tantric sex. It would help you last longer, control your ejaculation, and even achieve multiple orgasms without ejaculation.

*drool*

so true

**WildChild** · 11-18-2010 05:46 PM

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

Something else to consider, a low dose of an anti-depressent. The SSRI class of these products (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) have sexual side effects (they lengthen the time it takes a man to ejaculate) that have many physicians writing them for something other than depression.

I don't know about you and your situation, but my partner tends to get the most pleasure out of the volume of semen produced in my first ejaculation vs ejaculations there after. Me personally, much like you, I get off (mental orgasm) by bringing her pleasure, so it's not a big deal to me either way.

Bringing her pleasure and making sure she is satisfied with our sex is all I need.

Personally I think it's about balance. I love to feel a man I'm close to cum. Arousal play is fun and pleasurable but when you come right down to it, I enjoy orgasm from intercourse the most. Everyone woman and every man is different, communication is the key to both being satisfied and beyond.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-18-2010 08:30 PM

WC,

Oh, I'm satisfied !! Would I like to be able to ejaculate while inside of her.....ABSOLUTELY, and we're working on it. Having been on antidepressants for an extended period of time to help me battle some depression, my PCP said it will take two to four weeks before all of that stuff is out of my system completely. The other thing I/we need to do is retrain. I went quite a while satisfying myself by myself and the grip/friction is tough to duplicate.

I also really enjoy the build up and crescendo of a simultaneous orgasm, coupled with an ejaculatory release, blended with her orgasm, that all occur together. That, to me, is the ultimate. A close second for me is all of the above minus the ejaculation. I am perfectly satisfied without ejaculating every time I orgasm. I just wish that I could get her to realize it.

LADIES, can I get your thoughts on why the woman I care about feels disappointed or like she's let me down, when I am unable to ejaculate. We know it's a combination of things and we are working on them but she still feels "selfish" or "unattractive" when this occurs. Neither could be further from the truth.

She drives me wild, she excites me beyond belief, she makes me crazy (in a good way) and in my eyes, she is the most amazing and attractive woman that I have ever met. What more can I do to get her to see/believe it?

Sorry MEN, but I'd really rather just hear from the ladies about this one. Thanks for your understanding.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-18-2010 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

WC,

Oh, I'm satisfied !! Would I like to be able to ejaculate while inside of her.....ABSOLUTELY, and we're working on it. Having been on antidepressants for an extended period of time to help me battle some depression, my PCP said it will take two to four weeks before all of that stuff is out of my system completely. The other thing I/we need to do is retrain. I went quite a while satisfying myself by myself and the grip/friction is tough to duplicate.

I also really enjoy the build up and crescendo of a simultaneous orgasm, coupled with an ejaculatory release, blended with her orgasm, that all occur together. That, to me, is the ultimate. A close second for me is all of the above minus the ejaculation. I am perfectly satisfied without ejaculating every time I orgasm. I just wish that I could get her to realize it.

LADIES, can I get your thoughts on why the woman I care about feels disappointed or like she's let me down, when I am unable to ejaculate. We know it's a combination of things and we are working on them but she still feels "selfish" or "unattractive" when this occurs. Neither could be further from the truth.

She drives me wild, she excites me beyond belief, she makes me crazy (in a good way) and in my eyes, she is the most amazing and attractive woman that I have ever met. What more can I do to get her to see/believe it?

Sorry MEN, but I'd really rather just hear from the ladies about this one. Thanks for your understanding.

If you are able to make yourself ejaculate, and then can't in her vagina... she's might feel like her vagina doesn't feel as good as your hand, which... can be ego crushing. I think women like to believe our stuff is some magical place for the guy we love and thinking he can do better with something he walks around all day with and can use at his disposal might make her feel unecessary.

Thats probably part of why a lot of women have a problem with porn and masturbation and that sort of thing because its an equalizer... it takes away from the gift many women feel they are giving when they offer their body up to please and be pleased.. if they feel like all that particular guy needs is his hand and LCD monitor and it gives the same or better results then what they have to offer, it might feel like they aren't all that special... and women, need , to, feel, special.

Have you considered refraining from masturbation... I don't know if you already are, you mentioned working on it... cause it would seem your body would need the ejaculation bad enough to do it under circumstances that aren't what its trained to responding to.

Not to mention the fact that seeing, feeling, the ejaculate... is so exciting for some women.

**WildChild** · 11-18-2010 09:25 PM

Here I go with a book again... One Hour Orgasm, has a really good description on how to arouse and pleasure a man using very gentle techniques. The concept is to build up pleasure (peak) and the calm it down and build it up again. This could be a really good retraining technique that lets her help you learn to responde to a completely different kind of touch.