Thread: Unable to cum. - Any help?

Ok this is a little odd coming from someone of my age I suppose, I've been with my boyfriend almost two years, but we've only recently started to have sex, both of us being virgins before hand.

Sex is fantastic, and majority of the time can last for over an hour, we foreplay before hand but neither of us are too kean on oral sex.

The thing bugging me is.. I'm unable to cum?

I've tried speaking to my boyfriend about this and it seems to upset him and he blames himself and starts thinking badly, that maybe I'm going to end up dumping him over it.

I also tried googling for help/support on the subject but it all seems so unclear, so I've decided to seek out advice here.. I don't usually rub my clit through sex, and to be quite honest I don't feel to pleased about the idea of 'flicking the bean' whilst having sex.. To be able to bring myself to cumming..

Any help or advice?

We've tried different positions..

There is a TON of posts/advice in this forum that talks about similar concerns from other people just like you.

Perhpas you could do a search and get some answers that way. Did you know that more than 70% of the orgasms women experience are clitoral based and not vaginal? So you and your partner have stacked the odds against you before you even start if you want to orgasm vaginally. That's not to say that it won't happen...many women here will tell you that they are able to achieve a vaginal orgasm. I'm just telling you the facts. My partner is able to achieve orgasm both ways.

There are two GREAT books available that I would suggest you and your partner read...primarily your partner, but they will help you as well.

1. She Comes First

2. The One Hour Orgasm ( I was just told about this one, in the last ten days, by someone from this site. I ordered it and have read it a few times. I've learned a
lot from it already).

I'm thrilled that you think sex is fantastic, because it is. Now imagine elevating your sex to "making love" and doing so at a whole other level. That will be the ultimate!

ANYTHING is possible as long as both of you keep an open mind and communicate, communicate, communicate!

Although I am a man, I thought it would help if I added my 2 cents on this matter.

I am 28 and have been sexually active for 10 years or so, however I've literally only managed to be able to cum from sex/foreplay within the last year. Although the reasons behind this are probably not the same as yours? it's a similar frustration I am sure.

The reason behind mine was that I masturbated too much as a youngster and as an adult and therefore the transition to sex and letting the other person MAKE ME cum was a major stepping stone. In fact it got to be such an issue that I KNEW I wasnt going to cum when I had sex. Very annoying!

Anyway, through an understanding girlfriend who I love very much, and a LOT of willpower by me (no masturbating at all now) I am able to come whenever I want pretty much!!

Good luck I am sure you will get there, try not to get too frustrated as I think a lot of these issues are in our heads!

CJ

I'm assuming that you can orgasm from manual stimulation, like masturbation, so my comments are on that basis.

I've found that I have to break down a lot of my pre-conceived "rules" to have the kind of sex life that's enjoyable and rewarding. "Flicking the bean" while he is penetrating you can be extremely enjoyable, and if you orgasm during the process he will feel your contractions gripping him and he will love it too, trust me. Rather than dismiss it as somehow inferior, why not try it and see if it might be a legitimate part of the mix in your love making. Or, perhaps you could experiment with a position where he could do this for you, prehaps reaching around to your front while in the "spoons" position or some such maneuver. Or perhaps you could just try mutual masturbation where you rub him and he rubs you to see if that brings you to an orgasm. Experiment. There's a solution, you just have to find it, but you might have to be open to things you've not done before.