anal sex guilt trip

**ladyluck1** · 11-21-2010 05:57 PM

i have been seeing my partner for a couple of years now. we used to have a very fiery sexual relationship, as do most couples during the first 6 months or so of the relationship! as my partner had never had anal sex with a partner before i felt it would be a nice gesture for me to agree to it even tho i am not a fan of it myself.

after indulging his fantasy regularly for some time (12 months or so) i started to lose all enthusiasm for his enjoyment & really started to dread him wanting anal sex.

i expressed my concerns to him, explaining that it was putting me off sex altogether with him as i was not enjoying anal sex at all & never actually did & only did it to pleasure him.

after months of his persistance it has gotten to the point where i feel physically ill & violated when he attempts it & the sensation revolts me which seems to make my tolerance for the discomfort disappear totally. thankfully he does not attempt it anywhere near as often but still will try occasionally.

i try to negotiate & say at least be quick about it but he just bangs away for a good 10 minutes to the point where im almost in tears of frustration & despair! he believes i am on some kind of "power trip" when i deny him anal sex, regardless of whether i enjoy it or not. he believes i used to enjoy it.

he doesn't seem to understand when i explain that i never actually enjoyed it, but more enjoyed the fact he had not had it before & liked it which is the reason i participated in the first place.

he appears to be anal obsessed, all the porn he looks at is always anal related. i feel i am well within my rights to not participate in a sex act i dont enjoy but he just makes me feel guilty for misleading him into thinking i liked it.

i said experimenting is fine but if it turns out its not enjoyable for one person then its not fair to keep doing it to them. basically i am looking for validation and/or input as to how to combat this. do i roll over, grit my teeth & let him have his thrill every now & then or do i stand up for myself & the fact he should care more about my feelings than his penis!

**WildChild** · 11-21-2010 06:01 PM

I think you would be well within your rights to say good bye. He isn't respecting your limits and isn't listening to what you are saying.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-21-2010 08:07 PM

".....where I feel physically ill and violated..."

You said it....enough said. Why are you still with this guy? Perhaps more importantly, why would you settle for such behavior? Don't settle! Get out now.

Let him go and "pound away" some where else, with someone else.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-21-2010 08:10 PM

I think a rational guy would realize a woman that will do this act for the pleasure of her partner... loves him... and its a gift she is giving. More women say no than yes to anal sex... and he knows that. Its painful to a lot of women, its just taboo or 'icky' to others and is for a lot of women that it doesn't hurt, that don't think its 'wrong'... it just doesn't provide them much pleasure.... theres only a small percentage of women that actually get true orgasmic pleasure from this act, no matter what porn has made him think. So the fact that you even indulge him occasionally should have him happy that you care enough about his pleasure to add it to the menu , even if only on special occasions.

Him stomping his feet like a baby over it would be such a turn off to me, I'm guessing it is for you too. I mean its not like you probably don't provide him with vaginal intercourse, oral, manual stimulation... all sorts of other things... he is not someone hurting for sexual attention it sounds like you do your level best to please him (and I hope he does the same for you).

You shouldn't have grin and bear ANYTHING that you don't like, especially not as frequently as he's asking for it. If this act is PAINFUL to you... he should feel overwhelmed with love that you would put yourself through pain to fullfill a fantasy of his at all, instead he's knit picking that its not as often as he wants it to be... and thats so selfish.

Ask him if you can ram a banana up his nose... that it would make you happy , that you'll use lube and only take 10 minutes or so. HED NEVER agree to that ONCE... let alone every tuesday.

I'm the one that inniciated for my boyfriend to do anal sex on me because I am a curious kitty and wanted to try it and it hurt a lot and took several sessions til we had 'success'... and alllll at my prompting, I wanted it to work at least once dang it ! lol. He was so kind and didn't want to hurt me and kept stopping and making sure I was okay, once I got through the initial pain... I actually did recieve some pleasure from the pressure it was putting on the back wall of my vagina... that with clitoral stimulation made me come. In the couple years thats followed we've only done it a couple other times, again at my inniciation of it... he knows that its something that does hurt a bit and would never ask me to do something that hurts... so it has to come from me.

He told me himself that he thinks that should be a rare thing, since it does hurt a bit for a day or 2 after... I could never imagine him asking me to do anything I didn't like let alone something that made me cry with pain... is your guy this careless about your feelings outside of sex? It sounds like he is pretty selfish... is that reserved to just the bedroom or does it seep its way into other areas of your relationship?

**Julietpinkrose** · 11-21-2010 08:58 PM

Get out of the relationship, you have every right to say no i dont like this to him and it is wrong for him to be forcing you to do something you do not enjoy.

It doesnt matter whether you are in a relationship or not, NO is NO .....

Its your body not his

**rcoreyus** · 11-21-2010 11:05 PM

I always try to avoid talking about blame in this sort of situation because it doesn't matter. Anal sex is so important to him that he is willing to make a woman he supposedly loves suffer for it. Anal sex is so unpleasant for you that you suffer when he does it.

If he really loves you, then anal must be incredibly important to him - you can' have a happy relationship that way.

If he doesn't really love you and is just using you for a type of sex he sort of likes - then you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.

Whatever amount of suffering you go through from anal, if you don't want to do it, you will not be happy in a relationship that includes this. He will not be happy in one that doesn't.

I'm sorry, but you don't belong together.

**shweedart** · 11-22-2010 04:22 AM

If he likes it that much then buy him an anal sex toy. Save your poor bottom! I'd also give him a slap across the chops and tell him to sort it out but that's just me.

**WildChild** · 11-22-2010 06:52 AM

Well there is that. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you aren't willing to walk then get a strap on and tell him things have to even up and he has some catching up to do. That may very well cool his ardor for anal. He shouldn't being demanding it if he isn't ready to take it.

**SidneyAlive** · 11-22-2010 07:02 AM

Oo thats a wonderful idea, wish i had the guts to do that, it would have saved me all that initial entry pain when i wasn't in the mood..

**Mr. Inquisitive** · 11-22-2010 08:40 AM

I don't get the fascination with anal, tried it once, didn't like it, wouldn't do it again unless it was requested. After a year of feeling ill an violated I think its time to maybe say enough is enough, if you don't like it hit the road.