did i do the right thing

**bob_smith** · 11-23-2010 01:12 PM

ok, i'm not sure if you're aware of the website couchsurfing, it's a site where you travel to a different city and you ask people if you can stay over at their place. women also host men and vice versa, just look at any women's profile and you'll see quite a few guys leaving positive references saying they had a good time and the women likewise. anyway i've hosted and been hosted by maybe 10 different women. it's always awkward and i like the excitement. i've only made a move one time which the girl refused but i kind of knew she would because the body language just wasn't there. sometimes i get the feeling that the women get mad at me because i DON'T make a move, as if they're thinking, what, i wasn't good enough for you. any way in my life women have usually really overreacted when i have made a move on them. so generally i stay away unless i get a real clear signal. also with couchsurfing i feel you have to hold yourself to a higher standard because the woman is voluntarily inviting you into her home as a guest, which is completely different from meeting a woman at a bar and she saying coming home to my place. anyway, in this case i was really confused. we were having a great time. she's 42 and i'm 33 so i'm thinking that she is extra lonely whereas if she were 30 she would only be somewhat lonely. we started drinking wine and having a good time and we're talking really good. finally we decided to watch a movie four weddings and a funeral. i was hoping all the romance would get her in the mood. one of the problems was that she was real awkward. i felt that she was fighting some feelings that she did not feel comfortable with. i didn't like that. she kept laughing nervously. so when the movie started unfortunately she really froze up. we were both sitting on the sofa but she sat on the edge of her seat real far away from me. she wouldn't sit back and relax. she wasn't looking at me enough and the body language wasn't there. plus i was really looking forward to the sex scenes in the movie but when the first one showed up she got up to leave which really let me down. luckily she stayed around for the second sex scene. but that didn't put her in the mood. ultimately i decided not to make a move because i don't think she gave me enough encouragement. plus because she invited me as a guest i felt that it would have been much more criminal than had we met a bar. we started out with an understanding of trust by her letting me, a perfect stranger, into her house to sleep, so i didn't want to violate that trust. but still i would have really enjoyed some action and i regret that i was not more aggressive about getting some fun. anyway, what do you think she was thinking?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-23-2010 02:29 PM

Bob, 42 years of age doesn't mean she is "extra lonley" that's like saying you should "prey" on the older women in this world?

In any event, in my opinion the purpose of that site, is to travel, see different cities without the huge expenditure of hotels, whilst making pen pals and like anything else in life, if two people happen to click something else eventuates but it is NOT the intention in most cases for the reason why they join those sites..

That, I believe you have to get out of your head..

And, I'm getting confused, because in this thread, your basically saying you were hopeful for a booty call? I thought you were saving yourself.

CW

**Fallen1** · 11-23-2010 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Bob, 42 years of age doesn't mean she is "extra lonley" that's like saying you should "prey" on the older women in this world?

I have to agree. Age has nothing to do with being lonely.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

And, I'm getting confused, because in this thread, your basically saying you were hopeful for a booty call? I thought you were saving yourself.

CW

I have to say that I'm wondering the exact same thing that CW is wondering.

**rcoreyus** · 11-23-2010 06:29 PM

When I look at the website, it doesn't seem to even hint that this is directed at hooking up. I'm sure it happens, and when it does, great, but I doesn't look like that should be the expectation going in.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-23-2010 07:00 PM

Bob.....

You're doing this couchsurfing thing to meet women? For what purpose? You've already said you do not intend to have sex with them, so what "action" is it that you're seeking????

**Allie602** · 11-23-2010 07:41 PM

Bob it's couch not crotch hunting. It seems to be an above board site earnestly promoting travel and exploring different cultures on a budget. I think you have sexualized the experience for some reason. The woman was uncomfortable because she had the the right idea of the travel and cultural goal of the organization, you on the other hand didn't.

It sounds more like you are luring woman to your house with the intention of having sex and not offering them a chance to get to know another culture. It didn't sound even remotely like a call girl agency so you may want to stop considering that. I would be careful about what you are doing, you may find yourself on the street in a foreign place with no couch and you may be banned if complaints are lodged.

It sounds like a nice opportunity to go to places you would not otherwise be able to visit if you had to pay for a hotel. I think you are misinterpreting the goal of the exchange.

**WildChild** · 11-23-2010 08:17 PM

Given that you have stated that you have no intention of having sex until you are ready to marry and then you plan to marry a woman that you are less attracted to, I really don't understand what it is you are looking for. If you want to have sex then be up front about it - especially with yourself. If you don't want to have sex then quit looking for situation where you might have.

Oh and assuming that older women are somehow more lonely or that there is some sort of scale of increasing lonliness or desperation as women get more mature is flat out hog wash.

**bob_smith** · 11-23-2010 10:04 PM

Well, no one answered my question. No, I'm not after sex but of course I like a good bit of romance every now and then. And I stated clearly that I've hosted and been hosted by 10 women and I only made a move once, when I did make my move, I just grabbed for her hand and when she pulled away I didn't press things and pretended as if nothing had happened after that. Let me quote rc

I'm sure it happens, and when it does, great, but I doesn't look like that should be the expectation going in.

That's how I feel. I'm not looking to score but if the chemistry is there and she is up for it, then I'm ready. My question was do you think she was up for it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-23-2010 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by bob_smith

I'm not looking to score but if the chemistry is there and she is up for it, then I'm ready. My question was do you think she was up for it.

I can't know what she was thinking... but the body signals she was giving say that no, she was not interested. It sounds more like she was possibly uncomfortable. Her getting up during a sex scene... could be her not want to watch sex scenes with you ... to keep the atsmosphere platonic, or it could have just been she really had to pee or both. But nervous laughter... sitting at the edge of her seat would point more to being uncomfortable than being horny.

If a woman is acting awkward its genuinly because she feels nervous, perhaps even scared. Most women when they are into a guy for a one nighter... they are going to act much more fast.. contact, touches, reaching over and touching your leg while talking to you, giving sexy looks, innitiating a sexy conversation, complimenting... leaning inward to you , sitting closer -- all of her actions seemed to speak the opposite of that.

If you are alone in a house with a woman stranger, be extra cautious to show respect to distance... let her sit near you, don't sit near her. You want to make sure she is comfortable around you, not panicking.

That isnt some craiglist casual encounter site... if the woman wanted sex with a stranger, she could go on websites like that or any other hook up site... and get it if she were as 'lonely' as you think. I would not use that with the hopes that you might hook up... go into that with the hopes of making friends and travel, thats what thats all about. You say your attitude is if something happens, great... but your post and trying to read this woman, hoping she watched sexy scenes with you make it seem like you are looking for a direct hook up.... and if you are it will probably be best to join dating sites or casual one-nighter sites or going out and meeting women.

I think sometimes if the stars allign right and 2 people hit it off , it can be on a travel site or anywhere else in the world... but hoping for sex scenes to come on, looking for any kind of giggle or trying to guess if a woman is lonely based on age or how many cats she has etc... it sounds much more like calculated booty call hunting than just trying to make friends and if something more develops, cool .

**Agony_Aunt** · 11-23-2010 10:28 PM

To answer your question about if she was up for it... No I don't think she was.

I don't know the site you are talking about, but as I've read here, it's obviously about exchange and learning the different cultures and so on. Specifically not stated that it is some way a dating site.

This woman obviously joined the site and went to your's for the travelling side of things. (Not because you assumed she's a lonely 42 year old) She wasn't expecting any sexual encounters.

She sat nervously at the edge of the couch really far away from you as you said.. That points out that she was getting a vibe from you, and it was making her feel un-comfortable.
You should have realised that when she got up at the first sex scene of the movie. Again she wasn't comfortable.