Thread: Refusing Sex?

I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year and we have really, awesome and amazing sex! It's honestly something from a movie where we both come at the exact same time, every time. I've never experienced anything so intesene. However, this being said, he is less sexual than I am, meaning that I like to have it everyday and he could go a couple days without it. We've talked about this and he has said that he doesn't like to have it everyday because he likes to work up to it in order to be more aroused/horny for when he does have it. Which is understandable. The problem is that I am always the one waiting for him to give the "go ahead". Sometimes when I inniate sex, he'll say he's too tired, or he wants to wait. Just the other day I was about to go down on him when he tilted his head to check the time and said "maybe we should just go to bed". This completely threw me off because I didn't think that receiving a blow job required any work. I know it's not that my blow jobs are bad, because he says I've been the only girl who could get him to cum during a blow job

How can I get him to be more responsive to the fact that it's not always about HIS needs and when HE is ready to have sex? Anyone with a simmilar problem or advice?

Hi Swimgirl.
Its not about HIS needs or YOUR needs it is about your collective needs. You cannot force/persuade people into bed unless they really want to. Receiving oral sex has in the case you describe is a precursor to sexual reciprocation. Therefore he thinks blow job equals him being forced into sex.

My best suggestion are: ensure he is healthy with exercise and good food low stress etc. Be more subtitle in your approach to encouraging him into the bed room. Get him horny in his brain not his underpants. Subtle provocative moves in his eyeline, sexy underwear and no sweatpants!

This sadly is very common - there are lots of threads here about couples with mismatched interests in sex. Sometimes it gets better, usually not. There are many different opinions on this, but I believe that just as people vary in being straight or gay, they vary in the amount of interest the have in sex. I think that a couple where this interest is very different will not be happy in the long term.

Originally Posted by swimgirl18

I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year and we have really, awesome and amazing sex! It's honestly something from a movie where we both come at the exact same time, every time. I've never experienced anything so intesene. However, this being said, he is less sexual than I am, meaning that I like to have it everyday and he could go a couple days without it. We've talked about this and he has said that he doesn't like to have it everyday because he likes to work up to it in order to be more aroused/horny for when he does have it. Which is understandable. The problem is that I am always the one waiting for him to give the "go ahead". Sometimes when I inniate sex, he'll say he's too tired, or he wants to wait. Just the other day I was about to go down on him when he tilted his head to check the time and said "maybe we should just go to bed". This completely threw me off because I didn't think that receiving a blow job required any work. I know it's not that my blow jobs are bad, because he says I've been the only girl who could get him to cum during a blow job

How can I get him to be more responsive to the fact that it's not always about HIS needs and when HE is ready to have sex? Anyone with a simmilar problem or advice?

I have definately been where you are. My sex drive is much higher than my husbands and we were always fighting cause he never wanted when i did. It has gotten better. I have learnt to just not say anything and let it happen. Thats what he told me to . He says not to ask for it to just let it happen. Its just easier that way and he gets more into it that way. I think if you just give it time it will get better. Maybe he is stressed or maybe just tired. Dont try to force the issue it can only lead to other problems from my experience. Just take a step back and let it happen. And i hope the pleasure that you already feel together continues. Me and my hubby have just learnt how to orgasm at the same time. I hope that sounded ok. Im a little tired and i am probably talking in circles.

What is it with men who wouldn't want to do it when we (women) want it? Why is it that we "are supposed to" wait and keep it to ourselves, and wait for them...and then when they DO want it, we are "expected" to be available?

I know, communication is the key, but in some cases, I find that somehow, for some reason, there are men who are like this....Mixed drives "drive" me crazy.

That's not possible! According to all the guys I know, they're ready and willing 24/7 and it's always the women who aren't interested in sex.

Hence MIXED drives, right?

But with those whom I have known (not members in this forum), it's what i described above. Am I missing something here? Or is it the old stereotype for women - to be submissive?

I was being sarcastic. There have been countless women in this forum that have talked about being more interested in sex than their boyfriend or husband. Yet whenever guys talk about sex, they always make it sound like they are ready to go at any time and could have sex ten times a day. So I was joking that a situation like swimgirl describes can't be possible. In reality, I think there are more than a few men who are "all hat and no cattle," meaning they love to talk about sex way more than they actually like to have it, because it's not considered "manly" to admit to having a lower sex drive than a woman, especially in a society where too many people still think that women can't or at least shouldn't be excited about sex.

Cowboy 101 Tex - "When you're in a hole, STOP DIGGING!" lol

Just kidding, but I know what you're saying and agree with all y'all.
I think alot of it has to do with the age of the couple in question, as it seems to me that men and women go through their own stages of desire. I've been in stages where I definately wanted it more than her and then I've also been in the stages of her wanting it much more than I did. I can only relate this to it perhaps being a normal bodys cycle of desire (maybe?). Either way, no-one should feel like they are "required" to perform/service the other at the others whim; however, there should be a mutual respect to try to equalize desires/actions with one another and try to attain that "happy medium".