Sex toy for my wife/us

**funlovingmale** · 11-29-2010 05:58 AM

In spite of my wife saying that sex toys didn't appeal to her (without having tried one,) I took the 'risk' of buying her one for her birthday recently. I had read rave reviews about it-a rabbit pearl vibrator - and hoped it could give an exciting new dimension to our love life. I was really excited when it finally arrived in the post and set the scene and then blindfolded her. She was game and had an orgasm quite quickly with it. The next night when I brought it out again, she wanted nothing to do with it, was angry with me and claimed that she hadn't had an orgasm the night before! So that was that, my enthusiasm out the window. We hardly ex
perimented with the thing and it has multiple settings and functions. I am so disappointed. I am so eager to explore it with her and excite her but scared to bring it out again...Should I persist

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-29-2010 06:10 AM

Originally Posted by funlovingmale

Should I persist

No. She told you they didn't appeal to her and you bought it anyway. You tricked her into using one (blindfolding her) then used one on her, she didn't jump up and leave... she indulged you wanting to play with her with it. And now she has expressly said she doesn't like it... Do you realize what happens when someone tells you they don't want something and you do it anyway? Trust gets trampled. I bet the next time you want to blindfold her she will have reservations. If you want to experiment that is a good thing... but if your version of experimenting is doing things to her she says she doesn't want... its going make her have even MORE reservations about experimenting and be counterproductive.

You have to understand her limitations, respect them if you want her to be more open to new things. Trust is essential to experimentation. She has to believe you won't do anything she doesn't want or against her will (even if she ends up having an orgasm from something she thought she wouldn't like). If I were you I'd appologize for going against her wishes in the first place and explain to her as you did here that you just want to try new things with her, that you love being close to her, and only her... and how much you already love everything you guys already do but would love to see other ways you could bring her pleasure.

Some women get insulted off the bat when you want to try new things as it implies you are bored with them, in their interpretation of what you want... even if you are somewhat bored you can't let that be the reason to her or else you are going to end up at square one with a resentful s.o. that doesn't even want to do the same old same old anymore... let alone anything new.

Make sure that you are affectionate outside of sex. That you take the time to let her know how sexy and beautiful you think she is... this will get into her and make her feel more confident in the bedroom. On a night when you are not attempting to seduce, no sex on the agenda... just hold her and talk to her about things she'd be open to trying so that have something to work with that is within her bounderies... and the walls may come down as she gets more and more comfortable.

Its never a good idea to go in with an attitude of ' you never do this or that' ' i bet bobs wife does this or that'... to get what you want in the bedroom the best way is to make a woman feel like she already knocks your socks off and because she does you just want more of her... making her feel insecure, making her feel like shes not adequate at pleasing you, doing things she has said no to... will bring about the oppsoite of your desired results.

**funlovingmale** · 11-29-2010 06:54 AM

Thanks for your insights and for taking the time to write a lengthy reply. I adore my wife and our sexual relationship is healthy, albeit a bit reserved from her side. My intention was not to trick her by blindfolding her but rather to make it more exciting and to eliminate pre-conceived thoughts of hers so that she could be more open to a new sensation/experience. What dissapoints me is that she is conservative. There is disparity here as I am open to trying new things and crave variety (within our sex life) whereas she seems content to keep on doing the same old with the lights off! I long for a bit of excitement and am beginning to understand swingers - not that I would try that even if my wife was keen!

**tinycit** · 11-29-2010 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

to get what you want in the bedroom the best way is to make a woman feel like she already knocks your socks off and because she does you just want more of her...

I was sort of mostly with you all the way to just before the above. Then I involuntarily laughed. I could hear her response, "What, you don't get enough of me already? I should already be enough for you. Are you some sort of pervert or something?" Not that she would ever actually say that (I sure never would), just that I can hear it being said.

My husband actually bought me one of those exact vibrators (or something very much like it). He was totally up-front about why he bought it and what his thoughts on that were. Not having enjoyed vibrators before and not having been a sex toy fan before, I was a bit skeptical. I gotta say, I LOVE THAT THING and we (with me in control) use it together all the time. Now it's getting worn out and he doesn't remember where he bought it. So I'm looking for more "clit" oriented toys like that one to try out.

**funlovingmale** · 11-29-2010 08:09 AM

What is your postal address! It only has one orgasm on the clock and is good for heaps more smileage :-)

**ItsASecret** · 11-29-2010 08:41 AM

I can speak from experience with blindfolding and having things done that I did not want. Same thing happened with me with the vibrator and being blindfolded in hopes that it would make things explosive awesome and sensory overload leading to orgasm and all that jazz....I hated it. It was not the vibrator in my case but the blindfolding itself. To this day I do not want to be blindfolded. I expressed my dislike for not knowing what is going on when being blindfolded before he even did it but he asked me to try it anyway, which I honestly did try to enjoy for the sake of trying something new but after a while I could not do it I cannot stand not knowing what was going on. So he got kinda upset saying that I should like it because he read online that it was a good thing to do in order to loosen someone up to things. Wrong, never do something that a person expresses they do not want done. And never assume that because you read that someone else liked it online that it applies to your SO. I am not going to agree for a long while to be blindfolded but he wants me to do it to him which I do not have a problem with as long as it is not turned to me again. You need to listen to your wife even though you had good intentions. She is likely going to be upset for a bit but try to ease back into trying new things that maybe she would be interested in first instead of assuming that the idea is great from the get-go.

**AliceBukkake** · 11-29-2010 09:32 AM

Females look differently on sex toys; it's a whole different type of experience. You could try buying her some sexy lingerie (maybe as a make-up gift!) to make her feel special, girls love that sort of thing. Buy her something that she would love, or try making some sort of agreement to try each other out on new things!

**rcoreyus** · 11-29-2010 10:02 AM

Obviously communication is important - especially with bondage or blindfold games, make sure the sub knows what to expect and has a way out.

As far as toys - maybe you should be glad she doesn't like them. I got my wife a vibrator years ago and she used it so much that she couldn't orgasm any other way. Now she mostly uses it without even involving me.

**snapshot** · 11-29-2010 08:32 PM

I'm with rcoreyus. I bough my wife one, and she said great, now I don't need you.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-29-2010 08:49 PM

Me and my boyfriend bought me a couple of toys on a few different occasions that we browsed a sex shop just for the heck of it. I've used them on myself while he watched and he's used them on me as foreplay and after play on a few ocassions but meh, I prefer his equipment... both his penis and fingers. Fingers to me trump dildo any day of the week... he can get right in there and hit the trigger in motions a dildo just can't duplicate with the pressure and intensity and teasing then "delivering' way that he can do. And I'm not really all that into vibrator sensations. Every great once in a while I feel like buzzy vibrations on my clit.. but its rare.

A sex toy, to me, just cant match the look and feel of the real thing.. the heat of the real thing, the ejaculation of the real thing... not to mention all the unexpected motions and the man attached to it.

We play with our toys so rarely .. even when we've planned on making it a toy night we take it out and get so busy with each other we forget all about it lol.. its just a random extra for me, nothing I'd want often and nothing I need and definitly nothing I prefer.