Is it normal to be scared of sex?

**Moonythewitch** · 11-29-2010 11:15 AM

I am 25 years old and have never had sex. I finally got that chance after getting to know this awesome guy and although I am really horny and want him I am so scared. We were trying to last night and every time he came close to being inside me I freaked out. And it didn't even hurt. It even freaks me out to use a toy.
I finally got my toy in last night and it sorta felt good. I'm wondering if he should just go massively slow. But he was going slow to begin with.
I just want to know if this feeling of terror and anxiety is normal.

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 11:17 AM

This sounds very normal for a virgin, but if you have any feelings of not wanting to, then you may just not be ready yet! Follow your instincts and your gut. If it doesn't feel like what you want, then I would wait until you are sure you want to "take the plunge"

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 11:26 AM

It's very normal to be scared your first few times, heck, it would probably be abnormal NOT to be scared.

Try to calm down and relax, yes, I know, a lot easier said than done but it will make the overall experience a bit better. Make sure there is plenty of foreplay and go slow. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, try again later. If you have a gentle, kind and understanding partner, he will be more than willing to play by your terms, to do everything in his power to make sure you are not only physically ready, but also emotionally ready.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-29-2010 11:30 AM

Sure. Anytime you venture into unchartered waters there is going to be some fear, anxiety or concern...there better be.

My advice to you and to him would be to take it real S - L - O - W. Since this is a new experience for you, let it happen as it may. The biggest thing you can do is RELAX...

Physical intimacy is the most amazing thing that two people can share but only when both people are ready to share.

Try not to think of things that will clog your mind or cause you to tense up. Try to relax, unwind and let the feeling take you where you want to go. Perhaps you can start by focusing your attention on him until you feel relaxed enough for him to reciprocate. If he has previous experience, don't be afraid to ask him questions. Don't be afraid or concerned about telling him where it feels good on your body to be touched, kissed, licked or nuzzled. Maybe it's the back of your knees, your lower back, the nape of your neck....wherever.

This is the perfect opportunity to figure out what feels good, where it feels good and how it feels good. It appears that you have a willing partner, so take advantage of it.

Thsi forum is a GREAT place to get answers to ANY questions you may have....big or small....people here try to answer them all.

Please pay particular attention to what CHANDLERS WISH, WildChild and Hopeless Dork have to say. All three of these ladies are rock stars when it comes to ideas, thoughts and knowledge and many of us have learned a lot from them (and many others too).

There are also several men in here, myself included, that are happy to offer thier ideas, thoughts and knowledge, from a man's perspective as well.

You have come to the right place.

**jenn89** · 11-29-2010 03:38 PM

There are a lot of feelings involved with sex and a lot of reasons to be--well, apprehensive or cautious, not exactly scared. Fear of physical pain, fear of increased commitment, fear of being open and vulnerable, fear of getting pregnant, and performance anxiety, to name a few. Try to figure out what specifically you are feeling, whether it is one of these or something else. That might help you deal with it. And don't be afraid to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your boyfriend, both in and out of bed.