Its been 5 years since iv been aroused..

**Kaderine** · 12-04-2010 07:33 PM

Hi, I have a problem and im tired of thinking about on my own, would like some opinions.

5 years ago I started a relationship with a guy I didnt find very attractive and who i didnt love. I stayed with him for two years, it was the worst two years of my life. Before him I loved the tought of sex, was able to get aroused and so on. After him I feel broken.. After two months we were together he raped me, and ever since that he demanded sex everyday. He used me for sex everyday, it hurt and i cried and he got mad at me for crying. Eventually I wasn't enough for him to have sex with, so he needed to watch pornos. Finally after the two years the man of my dreams entered my life again, we used to always talk on msn and i loved him dearly, but i was young. He saved me from that monster. Me and my now fiance have been together ever since, but I cant get aroused anymore.. im broken.. I want to have sex, but i dont get aroused and I become easily depressed about it. I made out with some guy once when i was drunk, to see if i could feel and i didnt.. I fooled around with another when i was drunk who i found attractive but i knew i didnt like him that way.. i still didnt feel anything.. i actually felt nothing, just empty...! I have never had sex with another, and never want to... i just want to feel again!! Help me...

**WildChild** · 12-04-2010 10:03 PM

Why did you get together with and stay with this man?
You know that this is in your mind, which is your biggest arousal point, you have some work to do on old issues and you need to do it before you even consider marrying.

Do you have insurance? If you do then start counseling. If you don't, contact victims assistance and see what resourses they can suggest.

**Texasred** · 12-04-2010 10:45 PM

You might want to also try seeing what your feelings are without getting drunk first. The way you feel then might not be what your normal responses are. Until you resolve your issues, you might want to keep alcohol and sex completely separate.

**Travis_C** · 12-04-2010 11:30 PM

Well, one of the lady i have been with was raped when she was very young. When she felt safe with me she had a very hard time trusting me to stop, when she says stop. she never really gets aroused but when she knew that i was going to listen and do what ever she need from me she start to become aroused by everything.

so talk with him, make sure you fell good about your self and you 100% trust him.
sometimes it just take's time and love.

**Kaderine** · 12-05-2010 12:02 AM

Thanks for you responses. I do trust him, i just dont believe in myself to heal.. I dont understand it completly.. im trying to find a psychologist to help me, but its good to hear what other people think too.

**jns** · 12-05-2010 12:22 AM

Your mind and body's response to the rape and the continued demand for sex every day (which I would also call rape as it doesn't sound like it was consensual) was that you would not derive pleasure from sex. Since you have not completely dealt with the rape and subsequent sex, you have not been able to move past that horrible time in your life. You need to be in therapy to put that situation behind you and be able to really love and trust your fiance. Your best bet to get back what you lost is with your fiance, not one night stands, as the being in love will help.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-05-2010 01:22 AM

It's sad that you were perceived to be vulnerable, weak and in that he took..and took...

It is simular to being held hostage and used sexually, for years... You can't leave because you have no faith in yourself, you don't think you will find love as you feel you are tainted, useless, worthless, nothing...

They destroy what ever self esteme you have, and keep you... Until, one day, you work out that your worth something and you find the courage to leave...

YOU DID THAT.... YOU LEFT...

Tell yourself, you may have taken a part of me but you will never ever, destroy the rest of my life... over and over and over.

You did nothing wrong...

You were preyed upon...

You deserve this relationship, you deserve to be loved and you are.... Look him in the eyes and tell him you love him and ask him to contantly hold you and not let go and to bare with you, your on the right journey, your trying to find yourself again...

Go back before you met this person, this monster and see her.. She's still there.

CW

**Bellalla** · 12-05-2010 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

It's sad that you were perceived to be vulnerable, weak and in that he took..and took...

It is simular to being held hostage and used sexually, for years... You can't leave because you have no faith in yourself, you don't think you will find love as you feel you are tainted, useless, worthless, nothing...

They destroy what ever self esteme you have, and keep you... Until, one day, you work out that your worth something and you find the courage to leave...

YOU DID THAT.... YOU LEFT...

Tell yourself, you may have taken a part of me but you will never ever, destroy the rest of my life... over and over and over.

You did nothing wrong...

You were preyed upon...

You deserve this relationship, you deserve to be loved and you are.... Look him in the eyes and tell him you love him and ask him to contantly hold you and not let go and to bare with you, your on the right journey, your trying to find yourself again...

Go back before you met this person, this monster and see her.. She's still there.

CW

I was about to write out a long response, but then I saw this, which covers everything I would have said.

**ilovhr** · 12-05-2010 08:26 PM

For me every persopn's dignity lies in his/her own eyes most and that is the greatest gift we can offer in the love to our counterparts. If someone tries to invade our body then he gets just body but not love and dignity. You should feel determined and proud to your own dignity and enlight it again. More and more you start loving yourself, your dignity , your values more and more you would find to offer to your fiance. Once you start feeling that you are able to offer something to someone important in your life your feelings will come back. Since you love a new person in your life you should always think how you can make every moment a cheerful and great moment. Always try to come up with a gift that will give him and you pleasure. These thoughts alone will start enlightening your relationship slowly slowly.

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