!!!upset with myself for hiring prostitutes!!!

**bob_smith** · 12-05-2010 10:21 AM

I am extremely upset with myself for hiring prostitutes. Ok, i know what you're thinking prostitutes in america are ugly and they cost too much money and i agree, but i was actually rather surprised that in germany they have a flourishing legal prostitution industry. Just go down to the red light district and there are 80 prostitutes working there who will give it up for just 30 dollars!!! Ok and out of 80, well, at least 3 of them are good-looking. They all come from romania and bulgaria which is why they work for such a cheap price. Luckily, i didn't have vaginal sex, for some reason i can resist that, but i did have oral sex with them and i'm real upset about it. What's real upsetting is that this has happened four times now in four months, so it seems like i'm addicted. They actually find me rather strange because i don't want to have full sex and they actually try to push me to do it. In america i was addicted to strip clubs, i would go about once a month, but it was still an addiction because i tried to resist it but couldn't!!! I know that simply making a stronger vow to not go will not help because i've made strong vows in the past and that didn't work. Anyway, i try real hard to live a life of integrity which is why i haven't had vaginal sex in 10 years but this is real upsetting because i always thought that resisting prostitutes was something i could do but now i realize that the only reason why i resisted was because there simply aren't any nice-looking prostitutes in america that give it up for a reasonable price. I know you think maybe getting a girlfriend will help but no, because if i live in a dishonest relationship i am lying every minute, whereas with a prostitute i am only lying for 15 minutes and then it's done. So i will not enter into a dishonest relationship so that i do one so that i don't do the other.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-05-2010 11:02 AM

You wont enter into a dishonest relationship... okay. Why not enter into an honest one? If you can't find a woman that *lives up* to your standards... if you cant find prostitutes that *live up* to your standards... you may well have to look at your standards and do some self-examination. Or decide that being alone is better than being with someone less than your ideals and stay where there are 3 decent looking prostitutes out of every 80 and learn to feel less guilty about getting blow jobs from them? I'm not sure what you want to hear.

Life is a series of choices... if you think that you are only happy with the idea of beautiful woman, such as viewing them at strip clubs, in porn... or the occasional 'decent' prositute... then own it and decide that is what you want your life to be. Or try to figure out if there is more to life than eyecandy, that there is love and being held, and being special to someone in this big lonely universe and try to figure out which will enrich your life more. You only have this one shot at it that you know of... why not expand your options?

**jns** · 12-05-2010 11:02 AM

bob, you will have to leave that life behind if you want to have a good relationship with a girlfriend. It is doable, with the right amount of commitment. With a girlfriend, you should fall in love and the hurdles won't seem to be as high. Are you up for that kind of commitment? Of course, you should get checked for STDs. As a bonus, a girlfriend will react to you because she really likes you, not for playing a role. And you will be able to get back to vaginal sex. Also, you will be able to do foreplay and not wonder who she was with an hour before.

**Bellalla** · 12-05-2010 11:05 AM

Sorry, Bob, I know you are distressed, but there are a few things I'm not quite understanding.

1: why haven't you had sex in 10 years?
2: what is it that you feel you are being dishonest about with women?? I don't entirely understand this quote "because if i live in a dishonest relationship i am lying every minute, whereas with a prostitute i am only lying for 15 minutes and then it's done"

Why do you feel you can't have a normal and loving relationship, or even just a casual sexual relationship?

**bob_smith** · 12-05-2010 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

You wont enter into a dishonest relationship... okay. Why not enter into an honest one?

trust me, i am always on the look out for true love. right now, i live in germany and i don't want to marry a woman who doesn't speak english as a native language, i think communication is very important. this has been a real problem because since july 2008 i have only lived in america for 6 months. but i can't return to america until i can translate well enough so that i can have a viable career.

If you can't find a woman that *lives up* to your standards... if you cant find prostitutes that *live up* to your standards... you may well have to look at your standards and do some self-examination.

i am not ready to compromise yet. i'm 34. when i get to be around 36 i'll start thinking about compromising. it seems that expiration date for men is around 40 years old, though of course there are exceptions.

Or decide that being alone is better than being with someone less than your ideals and stay where there are 3 decent looking prostitutes out of every 80 and learn to feel less guilty about getting blow jobs from them? I'm not sure what you want to hear.

not an option.

Life is a series of choices... if you think that you are only happy with the idea of beautiful woman, such as viewing them at strip clubs, in porn... or the occasional 'decent' prositute... then own it and decide that is what you want your life to be.

no, this is not what i want my life to be.

why not expand your options?

this is easier said than done.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-05-2010 11:42 AM

A cookie is a cookie is a cookie whether it's peanut butter, chocolate chip or snickerdoodle.

Sex is sex is sex....whether it's oral or vaginal.....the phyiscal desire is the same, the lust is the same, the bodily reaction is the same. From a religious perspective, "Lust has as its focus pleasing oneself, and it often leads to unwholesome actions to fulfill one's desires with no regard to the consequences. Lust is about possession and greed." And if the Bible is what you follow, then, Job 31:11-12 (NLT) sums up lust quite nicely: "For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to . It would wipe out everything I own." So if you're worried about dishonesty and sin, you're already sinning. A sin is a sin is a sin. Whether you like it or not, and no matter what color you want to paint it. The Bible also frowns upon hypocrisy....which you are living every single day.

I do not get the sense you're "upset" about what you've done though I get the impression you write it about it because you want to justify it. From my perspective, if you choose to hire prostitutes that's your business. I'm not here to judge you for it, or condemn you to the firey pits of h e double l. I merely stated the religious parts because of your own desire to abstain from premarital sex (which you have not done, even though you seem to think you have) for religious purposes.

because if i live in a dishonest relationship i am lying every minute

If you had a real relationship with a woman, what would you be being dishonest about? Just like sin and sex.....a lie is a lie is a lie whether it's a 15 minute lie or a 24 hour lie.

Your desire and ability to justify your actions, no matter what they are, as if some super power took over your mind and body and you had no control because you "couldn't resist" is very concerning. Along with your viewing of women in a very robotical shallow manner. I highly recommend seeking professional counseling/therapy.

**bob_smith** · 12-05-2010 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by Bellalla

Sorry, Bob, I know you are distressed, but there are a few things I'm not quite understanding.

1: why haven't you had sex in 10 years?

don't believe in sex before marriage.

2: what is it that you feel you are being dishonest about with women?? I don't entirely understand this quote "because if i live in a dishonest relationship i am lying every minute, whereas with a prostitute i am only lying for 15 minutes and then it's done"

having sex with a prostitute is not exactly lying but it's violating my ideals. if i'm in a dishonest relationship, meaning i believe there is no future with the woman and i'm just using her for some fun, then i'm lying every time i look at her in the face.

Why do you feel you can't have a normal and loving relationship, or even just a casual sexual relationship?

I think i can, i just need to find the right person.

**bob_smith** · 12-05-2010 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

"For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to . It would wipe out everything I own."

i agree

I do not get the sense you're "upset" about what you've done though I get the impression you write it about it because you want to justify it.

no, i'm not justifying my use of prostitutes. i believe it's wrong and i don't like the fact i'm doing it.

Along with your viewing of women in a very robotical shallow manner. I highly recommend seeking professional counseling/therapy.

i don't view women in a robotical manner. when i go to a prostitute, i go because i can't resist. i don't disrespect the prostitutes i visit. i'm actually very nice to them and i don't ask them to do disgusting or degrading things.

**bob_smith** · 12-05-2010 11:49 AM

Originally Posted by jns

bob, you will have to leave that life behind if you want to have a good relationship with a girlfriend. It is doable, with the right amount of commitment. With a girlfriend, you should fall in love and the hurdles won't seem to be as high.

I agree

Are you up for that kind of commitment?

yes

**jns** · 12-05-2010 12:03 PM

bob, if you want to continue this lifestyle until you are at a point in your life where you have your resources together, then continue. Most prostitutes in western countries that haven't been trafficked are in the business for the money, but that doesn't mean that they cannot enjoy their time with some of their customers. They know that you aren't doing it to figure out who to save, so you are not lying to them, only possibly to yourself.

If you want to quit, do so. There are many German women that speak English quite well, so your wanting a native English speaker is a straw man argument, IMHO. You could have a girl friend now, and she could be someone to marry if you fall in love. When you get older and want to fall in love and marry, what guarantee is there that you will find someone compatible? Don't wait.