Thread: Help! I don't desire sex! I desire anal and blow jobs though :-(

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

The mind is a powerful force when it comes to your sexuality. The same concentration you've placed on the anal cavity can be diverted to vaginas. Its just like with sexual attraction. I know girls that have said they were not attracted to a certain type of guy... and then when they were thrust into an enviornment with only that type of guy their basic attraction changed... not out of necessity... just out of what they saw and got to know every single day. You, yourself have said the only porn you've watched is anal... its your focus... its something you've surrounded yourself with and have fetishised.


You will, eventually, lose this woman. Stop and think for a moment if she only would suck your fingers.. never your penis.. if she only let you finger her vagina and rear and never allowed for you to put your penis in either. Found your penis disgusting, despite it being the center of your sexual release and pleasure... she just would touch or lick anything on your body except for your icky penis.

How long do you think you could be happy that way? Especially if you knew that there were girls that would love your penis... would make it feel good in dozens of ways. Could you be happy for the rest of your days being with a woman that found your penis to icky to enter her body?

Her vagina is her sex. Its where her orgasms take place, when she is horny she feels it there, when you give her pleasure she feels it there. To ignore that spot, to speak ill of it... will create a resentment that will grow bigger than any other feelings.

I would suggest seeing a counselor to discuss your issues from childhood that brought about this focus. Perhaps you have to deal with something in order to move past it. Thats not to say you can't still get blow jobs or have anal sex... but that unless you are with a woman with the exact same fetish (it would be a rare find, i must add) that doesn't want her vagina touched , covers its uglyness up with duct tape or something and just wants to give you anal and bjs... you are going to have a hard time being in a sexually healthy relationship until you can find a way to get over your feelings of disdain for the kitty kat.

Ya obviously I would hate that and I understand why she feels that way. But your right the mind is a powerful thing. I've been working on focus. When I first started having sex I learned everything I could about vaginal sex. I wanted to know about positions and oral and all that jazz. I did this to make her happy and to search for that desire. After a lot of time focusing on the vagina I just never got that desire or anything remotely close to how I feel about anal. I even tried completley shutting off the thought for a week and boy did that cause problems which she didn't understand. I was frustrated and wound up just trying not to think about it and she didn't understand what was wrong. I don't either though and I want to know what the is wrong with me. Theres no way there isnt a wire in my body that doesn't want vaginal. I'm a guy, I'm NOT gay (not a homophobe either lol), and I know it feels better than any other sex. A counselor is something I have considered but not for the childhood part. Not saying that I wouldn't elaborate about my childhood I'm just saying that was I said was just an example of of how far back I can think to of when I desired a woman's butt. You are right about the resentment part though. When we first had sex I couldn't orgasm for a week. Then she gave me a BJ and I came. She was confused and hurt obviously that I couldn't cum from sex but I figured out it was because I was disgusted by it. I really don't know why I was so revolted but I got over that feeling. I enjoy pleasuring her and we never have a problem with orgasms. I just don't desire sex. I'll do it anywhere anytime but I don't desire it. I can orgasm from it because it feels good but I don't have that same sex drive I have for anal. It also doesn't help that she can orgasm from anal because I get that in my head to that I could make her orgasm from that instead. Sigh this is stupid why can't I just be normal.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

You don't have to change the fact that her rear turns you on in order to have sex with her vagina. I mean in doggystyle you have the perfect view of the part of her that turns you on the most... I'm not sure i understand why you could just look at it to be aroused by it, while still being inside of her vagina sometimes. Then sometimes do it there, but other times have sex vaginally while looking at or caressing the spots that turn you on?

I mean guys are turned on by lots of things during sex but don't have to actually stick their penis inside of them in order to be aroused by them and enjoy the experience... for example a womans eyes or thighs or breasts can all turn a men on, they can look at , touch or caress these things (besides the eyeballs) while still penetrating the vagina.

You are not likely to change what speicifically arouses you about her... but you can change the actions you take during that arousal, even if just half the time.

Oh yea and that's what I do. If itsn ot clear I dont ONLY do anal sex with her. Although I did say my fingers wonder there and I find a way to look at her / during sex via doggy but I dont want to be constantly thinking about her . I actually cut off all forms of doggy, anal, butt touching for a few weeks and just stuck with missionary to try and get over this. She liked the closeness but thought I was tired of her body. Theres no winning here. And even through that I would start to get soft unless I thought about anal. But ya this is something that kills her because she knows that during sex all I have been thinking about is pretending its anal and I dont blame her that that hurts her feelings.

Originally Posted by jns

Much of what you talk about is very one-sided, all about your pleasure. When it comes to giving your gf pleasure, you do it grudgingly, because it doesn't turn you on like your fetish with anal does. You have to learn to give selflessly like your gf has been doing all along. Learn to take pleasure from her pleasure. If you do, you won't have to worry about your relationship with her.

Well I give her everything. I guess my post was about me a lot because its the problem I have. I don't get into bed every time thinking, God lets get this over with. I make it last, I never say no, I give her oral, change up positions, give her spontaneous sex, but at the same time I have been a horrible lover in a lot of instances. I have fallen asleep during vaginal sex a few times, spontaneous sex has segued to anal before which killed it for her because she thought I wanted her vagina not her , it took me a while to get used to oral because initially the vagina revolted me so that had a few issue. Basically I have overcome a lot of hurdles to get where I am today where I know how to satisfy her and it doesn't revolt me but I just dont have nearly the same drive for it. I dont fantasize about it when we're apart, I don't watch our love making videos ever because I know I'm not in her , its really a frustrating all consuming fetish