Thread: no sex with partner

Hi
I have raised this before on the site.- What you are experiencing is the Coolidge effect.
It applies to all mammals. Once you have an Orgasm with a partner you loose interest in them for weeks- Tests have been done with Monkeys for periods of years where they were exposed to a sexually charged partner so that there was always interest from the partner. Interest went to zero pretty quickly but sex drive was boosted instantly if a different partner was introduced.
This represent a mechanism that is designed to keep genetic diversity at an optimal level.
However it works against long term relationships.
The mechanism that works against the Coleridge effect is Oxytocin- The cuddle hormone.
You have to put in more cuddle time and more sex without Orgasm time. Sound difficult to get your head around but it is worth a try.
I believe that Oxytocin in high enough levels will overcome the negative effects of Orgasm.
You can boost your Oxytocin levels with massage and cuddles.
It will make both partners more gregarious.
Interestingly enough recent research has shown that Oxytocin drives the erection and Orgasm processes in rats.

Originally Posted by Texasred

You have talked about it, and you both see the infrequent sex as a problem?
How about this: rather than sitting around talking about it, why not just have sex? Even if you think you're not really interested. just do it: you might be surprised how what starts out as just "going through the motions" leads to your really enjoying the motions!

I remember seeing something about how for some people sex can be a lot like going to the gym. When you are going all the time, it makes you feel good and you can't wait to go again... but when its been a while since you've gone you almost have to drag yourself there kicking and screaming... but once inside you remember how good it feels once you get going and you leave there feeling like .. that was awesome... gotta do that more often..

Sometimes you just can't find the motivitation til you are actually in the moment... so get to the moment!!