Thread: I just can't do it

My boyfriend and I have advanced into a physical relationship. We talked about our boundaries and what we're each willing to do somewhat. I know that he'll finger me, he's done it before, and he has no problem with "going down on me" which we haven't yet tried but he's talked about it before. The only problem is I can't return the favor. I'd love to do for him what he does for me but I honestly can't. I've put a lot of thought in it and I've read up on it to see if it made me feel any more comfortable about trying it but it didn't. I'm willing to touch it but not a full out hand job and the very thought of putting it in my mouth makes me gag. He says he's fine with me not doing anything he just wants to make me feel amazing and do things for me. I wonder though if in the long run the fact that I'm not really helping him will effect our relationship. I guess it wouldn't really be a problem if we were having sex but I've vowed to save myself for marriage so that isn't an option. Do you think me being uncomfortable with those aspects will push him away from me?

I also can't stand the thought of putting it in my mouth! And on occasions before where I had given it a try, it was still a No. And I know about the gagging feeling..not nice.

You say he's fine with you not wanting to do it, so that says he respects the way you feel about it. But you did say you are willing to touch it, so maybe make that as a compromise, that you are willing to try a hand job. Therefore he will see that you are uncomfortable with blowjob and he won't pressure you about it.

Sometimes, it's gotta be both ways, but within your comfort zone of course.

I'm sure that when he see's you are willing to try as well as he is, it shouldn't cause problems. Plus he respects that blow jobs are not your thing, so he already accepts it.

Do you think me being uncomfortable with those aspects will push him away from me?

It depends on a lot of things: is your bf OK with your not being able to bring yourself to do more than just touch his penis?
More importantly, to him at least, is why do you feel that way? And will your distaste for contact with it extend into any marriage you and he might be considering?

The world is full of unhappy husbands who thought their wives' attitudes toward sex would magically change after she said "I do," when they should have known she was really saying, "I won't."
In fact, the reverse is much more likely: the hot, sexy, and affectionate babe a man marries turns into the frigid uptight "wife." You can read their stories here and elsewhere. And of course, the reverse is true as well.
But ask yourself: If you were married to this man, would you feel any different about this degree of intimacy? And how disappointed would he be?

i think we're all scared of putting it in our mouth at first, but once past the hurdle unknown you may grow to like it, i dunno..

i think you can't put yourself totally in your sex session or you don't love him soooo much! but he loves you because he want do this to you.you r a lucky girl

You're new to all this. Be patient with yourself. Don't label yourself so early on as not being able to do this or that....anything sexual takes some getting used to, some experience, etc.

I now LOVE giving my current partner BJ's. There have only been two guys I've been with that I really truly enjoyed giving oral to. I think it's because of the reaction I get. My current guy loves it, and it's so pleasing to me to be able to please him like that while he just lays back and relaxes. And as I grow to learn him more, the BJ's become more and more fun for me. I actually look forward to them now.

Be patient with yourself, don't do things you're not ready to do just because you feel like you're supposed to. But remind yourself to be open minded and definitely don't knock it until you've given it some time to experience.

Brilliantly put Beautiful Disaster. x

I don't do it either. Oral, either way, don't appeal to me. I am lucky to have married a man that feels the same as me in this regard.

It could create some resentment down the road... if he is giving you pleasure and never receiving any from you. By no means does that mean you should do things you don't want to. It just sounds like maybe you need to step back a bit from the direction its headed if you aren't comfortable with it. If he insists that pleasing you gives him pleasure, then maybe he has a 'thats better than nothing at all' attitude about it and won't be resentful.

But if you suspect he's doing that just to try to get you to do it to him, you might want to cool it on having him provide you with sexual favors you will not reciprocate... and just put your physical stuff on hold until you are more into that sort of thing.

Will it push him away from you? Maybe. But if it does, you guys weren't a good match to begin with... so don't let that be the reason you do things you're not ready for. If you don't want sex til marriage and you are serious about that... it would be best to be with a man that shares your same feelings on the issue, or at least being with someone that respects your choice enough to not push your bounderies constantly.