A question for ladies in or around their twenties...

**Dude** · 12-26-2010 02:33 AM

How would you react if you found out a guy you were seeing is a virgin? Would you think he was weird or there was something wrong with him? Would you cut contact with him? How would you react?

I am 22 and a half years old and still a virgin. It didn't used to bother me until recently. I guess that since I graduated college now, I feel like I'm getting older and life is passing me by.

Let me give you the story. I was sort of socially awkward in high school and didn't have many true friends, but knew basically everyone (small high school). I could have had sex in high school, but the girls who I could have had sex with just didn't interest me as I wasn't attracted to them. Since I was socially awkward, I didn't really pursue anyone either though. My first year of college was spent at a branch campus that was really lame. I had a really hard time meeting people and making friends, and didn't start to make friends until the end of the year- like the last few weeks.

After that first year, I transferred to the main campus and commuted my second year. I lived on campus in an apartment by myself part of my junior year and shared an apartment with a roommate my senior year. The problem was that I went to school for engineering, which is dominated by nerdy guys. So, I had a really hard time not only meeting many guys to hang out with, but also meeting girls.

Now, I think about my virginity every day. It weighs down on me so much and eats away at me. I feel so much pressure now to finally lose my virginity, almost as if time is about to run out. Hopefully, I'll meet a girl soon and start seeing her. What should I do? Should I tell her that I've never had sex before or just hide it? Please be honest, as the truth is important here.

**SidneyAlive** · 12-26-2010 02:37 AM

No i don't think it's weird, it might be kinda exciting..

**FlowerFairy** · 12-26-2010 03:06 AM

I wouldn't be bothered. If I was with a guy and found out he was a virigin, I'd be kinda excited if I was going to be the first one

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-26-2010 03:14 AM

Now, I think about my virginity every day. It weighs down on me so much and eats away at me. I feel so much pressure now to finally lose my virginity, almost as if time is about to run out. Hopefully, I'll meet a girl soon and start seeing her. What should I do? Should I tell her that I've never had sex before or just hide it? Please be honest, as the truth is important here.

This is obviously worrying you, one answer lines, isn't going to get that answer for you...You know? I was a nerd at school myself, and my morals and standards different, not to mention the silly garb my parents made me wear...

But, I progressed and when I was 18, I was a Model, I followed my dreams and through lots of awkwardness, realising sex meant getting somewhere in life, refusing, and working out personality, no longer "dorkish",I actually blossomed and grew....and then, all the people laughing at me being a Virgin or dork, or what ever, hid behind their words, wanting to know me, and my new boyfriend

Don't EVER let yourself be compromised by other people's thoughts, you are who you are and be proud of it, you will go somewhere in life, where other's fail by trying to bring you down to your level.

Who knows your a virgin? Are those you tell...your entitled to not answer, your entitled to answer and tell them at least you won't get STD's or be called a player and have women avoid you...

It's possible you started this thread because you spilled to your mates, hold your head high and state the above..

I say good for you, alot of women love a man that has pride and doesn't use women...

Welcome to the Forum...

CW

**jns** · 12-26-2010 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by Dude

How would you react if you found out a guy you were seeing is a virgin? Would you think he was weird or there was something wrong with him? Would you cut contact with him? How would you react?

I am 22 and a half years old and still a virgin. It didn't used to bother me until recently. I guess that since I graduated college now, I feel like I'm getting older and life is passing me by.

Let me give you the story. I was sort of socially awkward in high school and didn't have many true friends, but knew basically everyone (small high school). I could have had sex in high school, but the girls who I could have had sex with just didn't interest me as I wasn't attracted to them. Since I was socially awkward, I didn't really pursue anyone either though. My first year of college was spent at a branch campus that was really lame. I had a really hard time meeting people and making friends, and didn't start to make friends until the end of the year- like the last few weeks.

After that first year, I transferred to the main campus and commuted my second year. I lived on campus in an apartment by myself part of my junior year and shared an apartment with a roommate my senior year. The problem was that I went to school for engineering, which is dominated by nerdy guys. So, I had a really hard time not only meeting many guys to hang out with, but also meeting girls.

Now, I think about my virginity every day. It weighs down on me so much and eats away at me. I feel so much pressure now to finally lose my virginity, almost as if time is about to run out. Hopefully, I'll meet a girl soon and start seeing her. What should I do? Should I tell her that I've never had sex before or just hide it? Please be honest, as the truth is important here.

Your case is similar to mine and I didn't have sex until I was 25.

Probably you will fall in love (lust?) with the first girl you have sex with, especially if you find her quite attractive. With a girl that is very attractive, there is a greater chance for performance anxiety. The sensations are very different than what you are used to. You should refrain from masturbating for several weeks before your first sex, if you can time it. Premature ejaculation is also common.

If you are just, just trying to have sex the first time I would suggest several things. Do it far from where you live, so you cannot possibly have a relationship. It may be better to do it with someone you don't know so you don't have anxiety from possible rumors. Do it with a girl you are comfortable with, who is willing to take the time to teach you and allow you to fumble. The girl doesn't have to be younger. Comfortable usually doesn't mean with a beauty queen, until you are comfortable talking with and being with beauty queens.

Take your time, hug and explore the girl with kisses. Note her beauty. If you and she are comfortable, gently use your hands or even try oral on her. Let her lead you, since you would have told her what you want to do beforehand. Talk about what she is feeling and what you are feeling. Afterward hug a lot more.

If you want to fall in love first, learn the social skills to be able to talk to girls. Along the way you will probably fall in love with a girl. Hopefully she will love you, too. Then first time sex can be much better.

**ItsASecret** · 12-26-2010 09:40 AM

I am 22 as well and I would actually be quite okay with it, maybe even slightly happy. The reason? I would never want to be with a guy who is the typical numbers guy at that age. They go to clubs, bars, and house parties looking for piece of meat #xx or xxx to use and lose. I do not like that type of guy, if I am with someone I want it to be more than a nameless 5 minute romp as sooooooo many college guys do these days. And if he is not that typical chasing the girls type guy then it lets me know that he is not the usual thing to expect and that is a nice thing.

The other reason I would like it is there would be no previous experience with other partners with the "well one girl did it and loved it", "well you should be doing this as well", "all of the girls I was with acted like this why don't you" and so on. I was incredibly nervous when I first started having sex and I was lucky to have a man that was also a virgin so we took our time exploring things. I did not want to be pressured into things because he heard of the stories of other 22 year old girls getting wasted, stumbling the streets, and as a result screaming like a wild animal in the bedroom. I am not that type of girl so I was worried he would think that all girls should act like that because they are college gilrs. I think it would be nice to teach a virgin things, to ease him into things, for him to explore stuff at his own pace with no pressure. We were all in that virgin spot at some point with no real idea what to do or how people may react so I say good on you for not being the typical hump and dump guy on campus these days.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-26-2010 09:45 AM

First of all, in truth... men don't have a technical virginity to lose... no hymen to burst.. etc. There is definitely no experation date on it. HOWEVER... your attitude about it... is ESSENTIAL.. if you let it roll off your shoulders and think ... when the time is right it'll happen -- you won't develop any anxieties over it... and theres a good chance a woman you sleep with wouldn't know you were a virgin unless you wanted to tell her. Women are all different and take exploration to figure out, and usually with new partners and first times (despite what movies make you think) there is a fair amount of fumbling and awkwardness in the first time a couple has sex... that gets better and better with comfort. Whether either has slept with many, few or none before... being with someone for the first time is its own event.

If you however, internalize the fact you haven't had sex yet... the point of fretting over it... you will make it out to be a way bigger deal than it is. And put undue pressure on yourself , making sex less about pleasure and where is the fun in that?

Just be open to meeting women, dating... nature will take its course. From what you said abuot the girls in high school.... i fear you not being with a women in so long has lead you to idealizing them in a way that no actual woman will live up to... so you pass on beautiful opportunities with pretty girls because you are waiting for the sun moon and stars... and start developing qualifiers that will lead to a lonely exsistence.

I'm not saying 'lower your standards' I'm saying, take women on a case by case basis and don't develop a list of things they need to be for you to be interested in them... 'must look like paris hilton, with megan foxes hair, must not be over 5'3... must be a b cup , must be having this or that job'.. love and even sex.. doesn't fit neatly into boxes like that... people don't fit neatly into boxes...

And I only bring that up because it seems guys who start having relationshps later, have spent a lot of time with porn, or idealizing beauty models and set themselves up for being disatisfied with real girls. Having only experienced photoshop perfected images...becoming dissaulussioned with how women should act/ what they should say etc... I'm just saying try to steer away from that mentality.

Just focus on having fun, being friendly , being open to girls that are nice to you, and being nice to girls you meet, being yourself, talking to them like humans, not like you fear them... not like you are better than them... just joking around, smiling, teasing and making conversation will land you into getting to know a woman where an opportunity for getting 'close' to them can occur.

**WildChild** · 12-26-2010 10:43 AM

If you really want to just get it over with, get on CL. Be careful, be safe, but put an ad. You'll get a zillion responses from "professionals" (and maybe a few who are law enforcement) but I'll bet you'll also find some real women who would regard this as fun or as an opportunity to start you off right and that is what you may benefit from most. A woman who is a little older, who doesn't want a relationship with you but would enjoy showing you the ropes, the ins and outs of a woman's body and how to pleasure her, should be what you look for.

This would remove your anxiety so that when you do meet a woman that you are attracted to and for whom you can have more than just lust, you will not be so needy or insecure that you put her off.

Regardless, be up front. If you are with a girl who is sexually experienced if she doesn't know you are a virgin, she may just think you are an oaf. If you are discovering sex with a woman who is also a virgin, why not share that and make it an adventure of exploration together?

**Dude** · 12-26-2010 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

If you really want to just get it over with, get on CL. Be careful, be safe, but put an ad. You'll get a zillion responses from "professionals" (and maybe a few who are law enforcement) but I'll bet you'll also find some real women who would regard this as fun or as an opportunity to start you off right and that is what you may benefit from most. A woman who is a little older, who doesn't want a relationship with you but would enjoy showing you the ropes, the ins and outs of a woman's body and how to pleasure her, should be what you look for.

This would remove your anxiety so that when you do meet a woman that you are attracted to and for whom you can have more than just lust, you will not be so needy or insecure that you put her off.

Regardless, be up front. If you are with a girl who is sexually experienced if she doesn't know you are a virgin, she may just think you are an oaf. If you are discovering sex with a woman who is also a virgin, why not share that and make it an adventure of exploration together?

Would that really be a good idea though? I mean, when I do finally meet a girl and get serious, what will see say when I explain that my first time was with a women that responded to a personal I posted? Even though I wouldn't be paying for it, wouldn't it be similar to getting a prostitute?

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-26-2010 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by Dude

Would that really be a good idea though? I mean, when I do finally meet a girl and get serious, what will see say when I explain that my first time was with a women that responded to a personal I posted? Even though I wouldn't be paying for it, wouldn't it be similar to getting a prostitute?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years... we have an extremely close relationship... extremely, but I have no idea how he lost his virginity and to who.. and what the circumstances were... never asked as I find it compeltely irrelevent. Again I think you might be making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.