Relationship Connection and Sex Life

**YoungGirl:)** · 12-30-2010 05:40 PM

Hey everyone, I'm 17 year old girl and am in need of some serious advice so please help! Anything will be great

I have been with my boyfriend for over 9 months. At first, we were inseparable, extremely attracted to one another, happy and we never fought. When we met, we were both virgins and when we had sex I felt like nothing could go wrong. As the time passes, we get irritated, annoyed and snappy with each other for no reason whatsoever. Is this because we have been so close we are getting 'too comfortable'? I'm on a holiday for just over a month, and right before I left we had a talk about our relationship and how we both want to make things better. He, like all guys I think, loves having sex, and if he could we would do it all day. When he brings it up, I just dont feel like it. He is very attractive, big frame, etc, totally my type but I don't seem to 'want him' like he wants me. I think he feels that I don't feel the same way as he does because I'm never the one to propose to have sex. I really want this to change, is it because he isn't doing the right thing? He is my first so I have nothing to 'compare' him to. I want to want to have sex with him, because now that I'm away I'm wanting it more than ever. From what I think, I love him and I don't want to loose him, he's a special guy. Does anyone know what is wrong with me and why I don't want sex until we have it, but then I'm left unsatisfied? Most girls in my group who have had sex seem to love it, and I just really want to look forward to it and enjoy it. I've spoken to my friends about orgasms aswell, most of them have all had one, and tell me when I do, I will definetely know. I've been with my boyfriend for the longest as we were together unofficially before, what is wrong with me and why haven't I felt this yet? Please help as I am very confused. Thanks

**jns** · 12-31-2010 12:11 AM

I think that for a woman, having orgasms, especially from your bf, is as good as it gets. Does your bf like to spend time kissing and exploring every inch of your body, and do you - his? Does he know where your clitoris is and does he spend time stimulating it, giving you pleasure? A lot of times guys are very goal oriented, and when they are young, their goal is their own pleasure. He may have to learn to give you pleasure first before going after his.

**demotivator** · 12-31-2010 02:51 AM

Everybody is responsible for his/her own orgasm. You can definitely sit around and wait to see what will happen or you can take the initiative and practise. Watch some XXX content, take notes, tell your parter what it is that you want to try. Masturbate as much as you can so you can give yourself and him clues about your likes and dislikes. Nobody will ever find the key to success if it doesn't exist. You should create it on your own.
Oh, and sex is as fun as it gets. You shouldn't worry about orgasms. Those are just bonuses. You are too uptight about sex itself. Loosen up a little bit and enjoy it. Play, fool around, have a laugh. It's not a competition and nobody's judging.

**JadedQueen** · 12-31-2010 03:59 AM

No wonder you don't want sex.... if you aren't reaching the "finishing line" then I can see how it wouldn't be priority one for you. Have you ever tried any self exploration? If so did you achieve orgasm? I think you should try self exploration alone or with your boyfriend maybe get a toy and let him use it on you so that you finally reach the finish line and know what it takes to get you there. I think once you and your boyfriend discover that, your sex life will really liven up. If you don't know how to reach orgasm you can't expect your boyfriend to know how or what to do to get you to that point especially since he doesn't have much experience.
As far as the getting irritated, annoyed and snapping at each other... it could be that you are spending too much time together but in my personal experience when I get irritated, annoyed and snappy for no real significant reason it's generally due to something completely unrelated to what I am annoyed and irritated about. Generally it's due to some resentment for something that he did/said/didn't do etc.... do you have any unresolved resentments towards your boyfriend for something you guys haven't cleared the air about or resolved? Maybe you subconsciously resent him for always wanting sex and your lack of orgasm? Maybe he resents you for not wanting to have sex? My biggest piece of advice when it comes to getting annoyed and irritated with your SO is COMMUNICATION... sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and are able to communicate with each other well. So talk to him and bring up the self exploration and incorporate that into the bedroom...He'll really enjoy it and you FINALLY will too. Good luck, hope it all works out.