Personally, I like it when the lady does the driving! And i think it is a generally correct assumption that women know their own bodies much better than their companions. But if you are not getting help, one tactic that can work is to not make penetration an immediate goal. Just slid your penis up and down over her vulva, allowing it to part the labia. You can use your hand to guide the tip (point it toward her head) while continuing the labia parting motion. By placing slightly ever greater pressure upon this area, the opening to the vagina will present itself. Make sure that things are adequately lubricated, either thru foreplay or a personal lubricant. A lube-job can sound gross, but if done correctly, can be easily integrated into foreplay.
one word....." foreplay"
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