Could you tolerate Erectile Dysfunction?

**Greenline** · 01-04-2011 09:05 PM

If your significant other was experiencing Erectile Dysfunction (say only able to achieve erection sufficient for intercourse 1/3 of the time), but was more than willing (and does) please you in other ways (oral sex, fingers, etc), how much of a problem would the ED be in the relationship? For example, in a non-marriage situation, would it be enough of an issue to breakup? How long could you tolerate the issue without improvement?

Love to hear your thoughts.

**jlwelch** · 01-04-2011 09:09 PM

Wouldn't Viagra solve the problem?

**jns** · 01-04-2011 10:22 PM

Originally Posted by jlwelch

Wouldn't Viagra solve the problem?

If your testosterone is low, no. If other required drugs interfere, no. If there is interference from diabetes, possibly no. Etc. There are many reasons ED will not be successfully overcome by Viagra, Cialis or Levitra.

**WildChild** · 01-04-2011 11:48 PM

Greenline, it would depend on the depth of emotional attachment, the quality of the rest of the relationship and how strongly the woman values pentrative intercourse. There are many women who just don't orgasm with actual intercourse and may not be really concerned with this if you pleasure them in other ways. Although if they care for you they will want you to experience sexual pleasure too.

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-05-2011 03:59 AM

It is estimated that 1 in 4 men will have issues with ED in their lifetime. Some experts believe it's much higher.

How committed are you to this relationship? How committed is he? Seems to me the first thing to do is have a conversation about it without pointing any fingers or placing blame. ED is not a "you" problem, it's an "us" problem because it effects both of you. To think that it's just his problem because of the physical part of it is not addressing the complete issue.

The next place I'd go, after having a conversation with him, is to the doctor's office. Try to go together...I know it's a big deal for some men, if it is, then ask him to go to get checked via a complete physical including blood work to rule out anything medical. Also ask him to give the doctor's office permission to talk with you. Ask questions.

Everything I've said is based on how committed you are and how much trust you have in each other.

There are so many thigs that can contribute to ED that you need to think of it like an onion...there may be a lot of layers to peel back until you find what's causing his.

He/you probably didn't get here overnight, so it's probably not going to get resolved overnight either....

Hang in there, it's worth it. I'm so glad that the women I love hung in there for me/us.

**vancityguy** · 01-06-2011 06:48 PM

i underatand that 90% of erectile dysfunction cases are mental not physical blocks....its pre meditated....ive gone limo in the past because my mind was somewere else and then it happened again the first time i was with a new girl and at that point i was REALLY worried cause i thought it was going to be an ongoing thing....then i met a girl who i really developed a loving relationship with and the sex has been amazing since day one because i think in my head i wasnt worried about my "guy" working but truly enjoying her and her body.

**LilahX** · 01-08-2011 04:13 AM

A couple who are close friends have this issue. He is unable to achieve an erection at all (various reasons) but they are one of the most sexual couples I know. He had this issue when they met. Apart from the fact that he can please her with hands, mouth and various other items they are also part of the swinging scene so therefore she doesn't miss out on 'the real thing'. Also he is very into anal penetration for himself and gets his own physical pleasure that way. I realise they are probably an exceptional couple but I'm just illustrating how it doesn't always have to be a major issue but it takes great communication, understanding and sexual maturity.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-08-2011 04:17 AM

Naturally it makes you frustrated, feel in-adequate yet he tries to make up for it....

As people have stated, it is not un-common but, generally there is a reason, medical or mental and if he's prepared to please you, then he must be prepared to find the reason...

WC is wise, emotional attachement, love, work it through...

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-08-2011 09:49 AM

I think if there is a strong emotional attachment it would be a non-issue, especially if you were willing to please in other ways... But I think a lot of women have a lot of their self-esteem wrapped up in being able to turn a guy on -- so communication would be really important on your part to explain to her the medical aspects of your ED and how it has nothing to do with how attracted you are to her, how much you desire her... etc.

I think sometimes when a guy has ED, whether its a one-off, intermittent or a long term complication... they can get so wrapped up in their own ego, feeling embarassed etc... that they can forget to comfort their partner, most women don't think badly of a man with ED - they think badly of themselves, that they weren't sexy enough, not arousing enough, that its their fault.

I think as long as you can find a good woman that is interested in YOU as a person, as long as you are able to make her feel wanted and sexy and communicate to her whats going on when there ED issues come into a play, that you could have a healthy, happy, intimate successful relationship reguardless of your ED status.

**WildChild** · 01-08-2011 11:35 AM

Virtually all men will experience at least an occasional 'malfunction'. It could be stress, fatigue, meds, lots of things. Keeping it light and playful can make a big difference. If you don't put a lot of focus and stress on it, it will often resolve itself, sometimes in a very short time. Putting someone on the firing line sexually can just kill it. A woman cannot become juicy just by being ordered, "get wet", a man cannot get a erection on command either. In both cases performance stress can make good results less likely.