Thread: Why cant i enjoy sex?

Hi,
Im new and have been looking for a place for help with this issue. Ive posted on other forums but not gotten any help so i was hoping someone here could give me some insight.

Im 21 yrs old, and ive been with the same person for over 5 years now. I love him and he loves me. We've had a rocky relationship due to many factors but now we've been living together for almost 3 years.
At the start of our relationship, there was alot of exploring to do. He was very shy which i loved and the more and more i got him to open up, the more passionate we were. Eventually he was sent to live with his mother in another state. He was there for 2 years almost but he came to visit me twice a year and we kept in contact by phone n such.
I finally got him to move back down here because i was being kicked out of my house since my sister (who i lived with)'s boyfriend didnt like me and she wanted him to move in. So me and my boyfriend, and my best friend, moved in together.
For the first few months all he ever wanted was sex (im assuming its cuz we were in a new place where we could freely have it whenever we wanted to) but i declined since our bed was.... the most uncomfortable thing ever. It was a futon on this big... barred.. thing... and just very not comfortable to be bouncing around in.
Eventually i had my bed come here and i was willing but he wasnt. Months passed and id ask him for sex and he would decline. He was tired. He had work. He didnt feel like it. Etc more excuses. I hated being declined so many times. Sure, i could help myself but i didnt want sex just to orgasm. Thats not what sex is... its supposed to be a beautiful union between 2 people who love each other, who want to pleasure each other and be happy... and he just didnt want that. The only sex he was prone to accept was quick sex where he could orgasm and i couldnt. I cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration. Just doesnt work. Ive tried many things, many positions, asked advice and ive just come to the conclusion that its not possible for me. My sister and mom cant either so... i guess its genetic.
Its been over a year since then. I had sex like once every other week - which is when he would allow it or felt he had to. I would ask him if it was me, if he wasnt attracted to me anymore or something. He says no, he just doesnt feel in the mood to and doesnt want to force it. Ive cried time after time about it but ive finally come to accept it. If i want something, i take care of it myself even tho its lonely. I dont bother to ask him for sex anymore. Ive come to accept the only time i will get it is when he wants to... even if im not in the mood to do it i'll still do it. Beggers cant be choosers right? I might as well get it while i can... but no it doesnt make me happy.
In fact, ive been so unhappy for so long that now i dont even want it anymore. Every time i decide to do it... i dont feel happy afterwards. I feel like ive forced myself to do it. To suggest it. To go threw with it.
Lately though, hes been so much more loving towards me and im not sure why. I asked him and he just says "cuz i miss you." I guess its because of how much i work and our schedules conflict. So i decided to try it out again last night. I suggested it, he accepted it, and we went through with it. For the past few months though, every time he touches me i feel less and less pleasure. Even when i am happy and totally want it... i dont feel much. He could be doing my most favorite things in the world!... and i dont feel much. Every time we do it, it takes longer and longer for me to finally experience pleasure and then eventually orgasm. And now, like last night, i dont even think im able to produce my own lube anymore. I mean, he pleasured me- it felt good but when we decided to finish the job and have intercourse... it hurt. There was no self made lube involved. Just the condoms. Sometimes when this happens i just ignore the pain and wait for him to finish. I dont want to tell him to stop, i feel bad. I dont wanna help him it hurts. Ive told him before that it has but just afterwards. Sometimes.... it feels like its a punishment... to not feel pleasure. Like i did something terrible in the past and this is the punishment for it.
I know your probably thinking "well honey, its just not working out between you and you should probably move on to someone else." Yeah, it would be logical to do that... if sex was the only thing in a relationship. Which its not. I love him. I intend to marry him later on. I know he loves me and i fully trust him and his loyalty towards me. So no, i wont move on. I have this problem. Its my problem and i need to fix it.

So ive come to you. Hopefully you will have some advice and can give me something to work with. I dont like this feeling. It hurts.