Thread: I don't know where to start

Originally Posted by Khiindii

I'm shy

I'm afraid to talk to guys

I'm afraid of rejection

I'm tired of being alone, but I've been that way for so long that I'm used to and comfortable with it; yet hate it at the same time

I'm insecure and uncomfortable with my body

There will be always people who like you and who won't like you, no matter what. You will face some rejection regardless of who you are, but at the same time, there will always be people who'll think you're wonderful. For example, if you lost weight, the people that criticized you might stay quiet, but then other people might think you're too skinny. If you became more outgoing, some people might like you better for it, while others will have preferred the shy Khiindii. That's because the opinion people have of you has more to do with the criteria they use for judging good and bad and less with you specifically.

So the best thing to do is to... just be yourself! Some people will always like you and some will always dislike you, so you might as well just focus on liking yourself.

It's good advice in general, but it works particularly well with relationships, because people pick up on your self esteem, and confidence can go a long way toward making someone attractive. The message that visible insecurity sends is that if you even you can't love you, then why should anybody else? On the other hand, if you're happy with yourself and you convey confidence, you create a sort of magnetism that attracts other people. It shows people that if you love you, then there must be something good about you.

I don't want to be super model skinny or any thing. I just want to get my pot belly, big butt, and thighs to a more decent size.
They say these things to me in manner that sounds to me to be both truth in what they think of me but said in a teasing manner. So they mean to tell me what they really think but in a teasing way

Well, as a guy I had a slow start. Not ugly, not good looking. Not athletic, not fat. Not confident, not a social cripple. Not remarkable in any way, but felt dreadfully left behind and left out because of shyness. Then realised friends smaller, uglier, weedier etc than me did loads better with girls just by being confident - gritted my teeth and risked rejection,like the other guys would laugh off without shame, and did ok, turned into a normal person. The only thing holding me back was fear of failure, once I stopped fearing that I was away (didn't stop fearing it, just like jumping off a cliff, just f*****g do it). Did anyone care if I failed? No, only me.

Easy to say, it wasn't easy at the time but it worked and it might for you too. Be brave, nothing to loose!

Thank you for your advice Jim60. I'll try my best to imply it.

There are men out there who are also shy and lack confidence. Some are really nice guys who just can't figure out how to approach a woman. They can come across as aloof, but really would love to have someone talk to them. Look around you - you might notice some....