Sexuality as a function of...???

**obnoxious** · 01-18-2011 03:04 PM

so i think i've read many women on this forum say that their sex drives increased once they were in their 30s and even 40s. i found this highly suprising, since one has an image of "girls gone wild' and spring break of girls in their teens and early 20s doing just about anything. i figured the younger one was, the hornier they were.

now, the question is, what is this increased sexuality a function of? is it age? or is it level of experience?

women in the 30s and 40s are more sexually experienced, as a general rule, than those who are younger. so is that the crucial variable that plays a part as to why they have higher libidos?

is it a hormonal issue perhaps? i don't know.

could it also be the level of experience of their partners??? older women would tend to have older partners - who would in turn be more experienced and be able to please them better. maybe this is the reason...

also, is it a general rule that women feel better about sex as they age, or is just a fortunate few? in other words is it true that some women only learn how to orgasm at age 30 and beyond?

if this is a generalized rule that is applicable to the majority of women, it means that both men and women should actually look forward to aging!

**stressed** · 01-18-2011 03:10 PM

Hormones.

**WildChild** · 01-18-2011 03:37 PM

Keep in mind that many of those "Girls Gone Wild" have never orgasmed. They are highly sexualized and sexy but not really sexual. If you'd like to learn more about that, I suggest the book, Female Chauvinist Pigs, Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy.

Speaking as an over 50 woman, who has generally always had a high sex interest, there a number of factors that come into play and they are probably not all the same for all women. Some factors that I think are probably common are, a better perspective of what is important, a higher level of confidence at least partially based on simply not caring what anyone else might think, accepting who we are and who others are. We are less willing to put up with a lot of carp and so start getting better at finding better partners and at shedding people who are negative or just not what we need. Our skill level is higher and yes, generally older men are also more skilled. Personally I prefer men closer to my age because we are likely to share some expectations that younger people don't - it's just a generational thing. But I was fine sexually with a partner 20 yrs younger than me too.

I have nearly 40 years of learning to give bjs, hjs, and learning what I want, what gets me going. Granted a good part of that time was spent in LTRs that may have not had much sex at all but that too is a learning experience. Having come of age before silicon was considered body building material, I have no hang ups about being small busted and I've never had a lover who had a problem with it. I may not be in the absolute best shape of my life but I look at some of these young women running around packing the results of years of poor diet and lifestyle choices and I know I'm much better shape than they are. I know how to dress and behave appropriately for anything from formal dinner with half a dozen forks to hot dogs from a street vendor. I'm experienced enough to know neither is a place to judge superiority from.

Health, hormones, not worrying about pregnancy - all help. I do know women my age who had no interest in sex at 25 and none at 50 either. Some of us simply get better with age, some don't. The same could be said of men.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-18-2011 03:37 PM

One word stressed?

I also think the older we get, the more "woman" we become and the inner child, wants to come back out again and play but this time, as "all woman", there are things I know now that I never knew before and I want it all, as well as giving it all....it's just plain sexy....where as as a 20 year old it was just plain SEX.

**stressed** · 01-18-2011 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

One word stressed?

That can be easily fixed!

Originally Posted by obnoxious

so i think i've read many women on this forum say that their sex drives increased once they were in their 30s and even 40s. i found this highly suprising, since one has an image of "girls gone wild' and spring break of girls in their teens and early 20s doing just about anything. i figured the younger one was, the hornier they were.

The "girls gone wild" image is just that: an image. Young girls are daily stormed with images of sexual stereotypes they feel they "have" to follow in order to become "women". Just as men of all ages are stormed with images and stereotypes of "men want sex all the time". Neither is true. Both images exist with sole purpose to sell and to keep society "on track and under control".

Young girls are also curious, they go through hormonal changes, they learn about the bodies of both sexes, they laugh at sex jokes they don't understand in order "to fit in" and so on. Many young women in their 20's "would do anything" either out of curiosity, or because their partner suggests them to and they are too timid to say "no", or because they really want to try "anything". Older and experienced women know what they like, so they will say more often "no" to something because they've already tried it and they just didn't like it. Plus, older women tend to feel sexually equal to men, whereas younger women tend to think that "the man knows best".

Originally Posted by obnoxious

now, the question is, what is this increased sexuality a function of? is it age? or is it level of experience?

It's caused by hormones.

Originally Posted by obnoxious

also, is it a general rule that women feel better about sex as they age, or is just a fortunate few? in other words is it true that some women only learn how to orgasm at age 30 and beyond?

It's not a general rule really. Some women find that they dislike sex as they become older, others that they enjoy it more. For others it's about their partners. Women above 30 tend to be with more longterm partners than those in their early 20's or below. The longer a woman is with a partner the better she feels about exploring her sexuality, trusting her partner to try new things and so on. Many of those below the age of 20 have not been with a longterm partner who loves them and cares about their pleasure, but with very young guys whose focus is their own pleasure. As a result, there are more chances for a woman to experience an orgasm after the age of 30 with a loving partner and by knowing what she likes, than a 15 year old girl who is just learning about her own body and has sex with someone she's been dating for a few months.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-18-2011 04:24 PM

I think the actual sex drive is caused mostly from hormones. There are lots of other factors that come into play that can affect drive (great relationship, crappy relationship etc). Sex drive and sex appeal are two different things. What a sick joke played on us that when we're young, stretch mark and cellulite free we don't have HALF the sex drive as we do once gravity kicks in. lol

**ItsASecret** · 01-18-2011 06:57 PM

do know women my age who had no interest in sex at 25 and none at 50 either.

That is what worries me personally. I am 22, I am by no means the "girls gone wild" screaming, orgies, bi-sexual, getting hammered and having a wild time anything goes type sex that society paints I "should be". I am modest, I do not flaunt myself, I do not scream, pull hair, bounce around, demand oral in sexy ways, I do not drool at the thought of giving him oral, I am not the type to find new positions all the time or explore fantasies (I have none personally) so one could say I am "not interested in sex"...and I do admit I am not super interested in sex but I am not asexual to it. So it worries me that maybe when I get older I would go completely void of sex because I feel it will not be as important to me when I get older compared to say taking care of the kids. I believe that what you say is true, if a person is not so interested when they are 25 they will not be when they are 50. I do not want to be exploring a new world of sex, but I do not want it to be absent from my life either. I am not sure what my future would hold when I am 50 so I hope there is no change but at the same time I am not planning on changing myself into a vixen just because many other women do it at that age due to life experience.

**hafs1975** · 01-18-2011 07:36 PM

whatever the cause is obnoxious , i was very nieve until i was about 25 ,was then i had my first orgasm, im 35 now and ive exploded out of my shell and want try it all, and intend to .
if sex/ orgasms/ labido whatever is going to get better with age , i look foward to growing old very disgracefuly lol xx

**jns** · 01-18-2011 08:02 PM

Originally Posted by hafs1975

whatever the cause is obnoxious , i was very nieve until i was about 25 ,was then i had my first orgasm, im 35 now and ive exploded out of my shell and want try it all, and intend to .
if sex/ orgasms/ labido whatever is going to get better with age , i look foward to growing old very disgracefuly lol xx

I think that this is not uncommon. Some women see men having a great experience when they orgasm and wonder why they cannot. Then after they finally do, it takes a while for them to figure it out. After that, for some, it is exploration to see how far they can take things and what they can find sexually exciting.

Sexuality is a function of hormones, but it is strongly influenced by socialization and moral code. A person can have a repressed sexuality if they have been taught that that's dirty. Good boys and good girls don't have that type of pleasure. It is only for reproduction. All guys are pigs. Etc.

**LilahX** · 01-22-2011 05:14 AM

Sexuality isn't something that can be generalised about in any way at all. Everyone has different life experiences and are in different places physically and emotionally when they're older. Hormones can play havoc and some women are happy to let their libido die, or for whatever reason don't want to reinstate it if it's gone. Others, like me, have no menopausal side effects and end up having more and better sex in their fifties than they ever did before - throwing in a new relationship, or just getting out of one which emotinally wasn't conducive to even wanting sex adds another dimension of course.

Level of experience definitely plays a part - not just number of partners but variety of experiences, adventurousness and open-mindedness. If all you've had is missionary vanilla and the emotional spark has gone out of yr r/ship. who would want more sex?

There are so many variables to take into consideration it's not something that can really be 'explained' in anything less than a few volumes I think lol