Thread: Madonna/ complex?

I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience, or if any guys can shed some light on it.

Maybe calling it a Madonna/ complex is a BIT extreme, but here it goes:

I've been dating my bf for about 5 months. During the first few months, when we were just getting to know each other and "seeing where it would go", he was a little bit rough in bed. Not rough in a bad way, but he likes to be in control, pull my hair, slap my booty - you know, the regular. I'm really down for all that, I like variety, and I like the passion and sort of giving up control every once and a while. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of variety not JUST this, but it was an element.

Now that I'm his girlfriend, the sex is still good, it's just completely different. He's very attentive and caring and still a strong and powerful man, but gone is the light bondage. No more talk of tying me up, no more hot candle wax, no more picking me up and throwing me around. Part of me thinks it's because now that I'm his gf, he's categorized me in a more "sweet and pure" category, and he can't be kinky with me anymore.

So I'm just curious - has anyone else experienced this? That the sex can change dramatically between you being some girl he's sleeping with and being his girlfriend? I miss some of the things we used to do!

Yes, I experienced it a few months after I got married

Originally Posted by stella5

I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience, or if any guys can shed some light on it....
So I'm just curious - has anyone else experienced this? That the sex can change dramatically between you being some girl he's sleeping with and being his girlfriend? I miss some of the things we used to do!

Without getting into the psychology of why things have changed - have you mentioned this to him?
That you'd sometimes like things to be like they were before? A little more physical, maybe?

Sometimes a guy might differentiate, in his mind, between "sex" and "love," and now that he is - presumably - in love with you, he may feel quite differently toward you in bed, and may need a little guidance from you.
Believe it or not, men *can* feel more than just a sex drive...

I haven't brought it up with him yet. I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that he's in love with me, but I do think he cares about me more than he did before. I hope it's a change that's brought on by a different emotional attachment and not by him being bored with me....

Stella, let's just assume that he's not bored with you; let's assume that he's still really attracted to you - he's still with you, right?
Try talking to him.
You might be pleasantly surprised at what you can learn that way.

talk to him and tell him that thats what you want... my boyfriend makes the mistake of being too attentive so i dont answer him or do what he asks or says.. and then he gets the picture... and things get a little rough!

It may be that he thinks the rough kind of sex isn't what you have with someone you love. Men's minds are a strange place lol He may beleieve there are things you don't do with the woman you migh marry, the prospective mother of your children. As said already, talk to him. Open and honest communication is the best asset you can have in your love life. Don't be accusatory, just mention casually that you miss the stuff you used to do. He may not even be aware of the reason he's changed so maybe you'll both be able to work things out together.