Never in the mood?

**Annabelle** · 01-24-2011 03:15 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. We used to live in different states, because he's in the marine corps and was stationed in North Carolina. He would go home to Maine (where I lived and his family was) for the holidays and on leave before his deployment; that's when we saw each other. Our sex life was absolutely fantastic; we'd make love several times a day and we both loved it. I moved in with him in October of 2008, and that's when our sex life slowly started to take its downfall. It started every night or every other night, slowly went to a couple times a week when I became pregnant, suffered a miscarriage a couple months later, and it hit its dead end after that. We're lucky if we even have it once a month now. The thing is, we both want to get pregnant again. I used to be on the pill, but I haven't been since I was about 19-20. I just don't know what it is anymore. I've suggested maybe it's because we never saw each other when we first got together, and now that we see each other everyday it's not as exciting. I love him with all of my heart, and find him very attractive but I'm just never in the mood. It doesn't help that he wants to get me pregnant "the old fashioned way" either. What can I possibly do to help?

**LanaBear** · 01-24-2011 10:38 AM

You need to explore and find out what turns you on... Yeah, things are not going to be necessarily hot and heavy like they were before, frantic, etc. But it should be different now, now that you are with each other more and have more of a routine. However, different doesn't mean boring or stagnant.

Is there any romance? Also, when you focus your intimacy around a task (like getting pregnant) that usually never goes well. Forget the "I want to get pregnant" sex and start off with some finding out what arouses the two of you again. Light touches, kisses, caresses, licks, nibbles, etc., don't put so much pressure on the physical act of sex. Don't put so much pressure on yourself for feeling like you never want it. Sex for women is hugely mental, if you have this thought in your head of "Oh God, what is wrong with me, I never want to have sex", that is just going to cause you to hold back.

Go buy some books so that the two of you can explore another type of intimacy together. Read about female pleasure and orgasming, open your mind and do it together. There is something to be said about reading in bed with your partner. There is a Books on Sex thread here on the top of the Sex Forum, read through it, there are some great suggestions in there. I recommended some the other day about couples regaining intimacy, not in that thread, but I'll find them and post them.

**CandieBears** · 02-07-2011 06:53 PM

I have the same problem. been with my boyfriend the same amount of time. Only difference is i've experienced this on and off with him for quite some time. I belive its hormonal. I know if i have a single glass of wine I'm ready.. but now that i think im pregnant... theres no drinking.. and i'm kinda stuck back where i was ... I do know thee was a couple vitamins i had been taking that were driving me nuts i couldnt stay away from him.. Evening Primrose Oil Caplets. -Please keep in mind I am not a doctor and am not giving medical advice!- I used them and was on no other prescription drugs. If you take it make sure to tlak to your doctor first! but for me it worked even he noticed a difference..

**phoebe** · 02-12-2011 08:01 PM

I've been having a very similar problem with my boyfriend. We've been together almost 5 years now, I find him incredibly attractive and love him so much, but I am just never in the mood. I'm so tired when I get home and all I want to do is go to sleep. And when I am not tired, I am perfectly content sitting on the couch with him and I just really don't feel like having sex. I don't know what to do, it's been really hard on him and we keep talking about possibly breaking up, which I really don't want to do, but I can't get this to go away. We have been trying to really work on communication and that seems to be helping him a little, but I still have no sex drive. I just wanted to thank you for sharing because I don't feel so alone with this anymore. I hope everything works out for you.