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Thread: Wife's discomfort with doggie style

  1. #1
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    Default Wife's discomfort with doggie style


    Background: We have been married 35 years. I had prostate removed in 2006 and only was able to have a lasting erection about 1 year ago, and that with Viagra. I lost some size and feeling "down there" as a result of the surgery and so it is very hard for me to get enough stimulation to reach orgasm.

    I really enjoy this position and about 1/3 of the time, it is the only way that I can reach orgasm.
    The problem is that my wife appears to be in agony, and keeps saying "don't push on my back" the whole time. Even after I orgasm and wish I could just lean on her and enjoy the afterglow, she says it again. When I ask her why I can't push on her back she says it is weak and she does not want to hurt it. The thing is, she never has or has had back problems. She plays tennis three times a week at a high level and does spinning exercise 2 times a week. Every time we need to move furniture she helps, even with pieces like a sofa or chest of drawers.
    I am a small man, both in stature and endowment, so niether my "size" nor weight is an issue.
    She is mildly overweight, not enough to cause back issues.

    So my question to the forum is could something have happened to her in the past, before she knew me, that has made her afraid of being hurt? She has never said anything about rape or abuse. She has said that she did some things in her past that she is not proud of, but who hasn't? Last time I asked her why I can't push on her back she made up some lame reason about having to travel the next day and not wanting to have a sore back when lifting her suitcase up and down.
    This is important to me because I now have such difficult reaching climax that I view sex as work instead of something pleasurable. And if one of the ways I am able to orgasm is denied me, I will have less incentive to try.

  2. #2
    July 2011 Poster of the Month Array kristalyn_04's Avatar
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    Well, my perception of this is... either A) there is something that is really causing her physical discomfort, or B) she is making an excuse because she doesn't like this position and is uncomfortable with it. How much pressure do you put on her back? Are you leaning on it or just light pressure with your hands? Pressure on the spine when bent over like that actually can be uncomfortable, regardless of any back problems. Have you tried giving her just a simple back rub? Does that bother her? If this isn't the issue, then she may be uncomfortable with doggie style for whatever reason. Did you try talking to her about it? Is she aware that this is the only way you can orgasm? What other things have you tried? Just try talking to her and come to a compromise, perhaps let her try some other things that she is more comfortable doing. If she actually does have physical pain, then she should see a doctor.
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    I would think you should be able to keep everything horizontal. Maybe place your hands lower down on her hips. Also, perhaps she'd be more comfortable with a cushion under her stomach.

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    I am not even touching her back. My hands are on the side of her hips. Please understand this is not the only way I can have an orgasm. It is just that in two of the past six times we had sex, (over about a 3 month period) I was ready to give up and then we tried doggie style. Once it was at her instigation, and once at my request. I was able to climax after much effort. We have been going through the frustration of trying to get our sex life back 4 years after this surgery and I am about ready to give it up for good. I feel as if she is hiding something and will not tell me the truth based on her comments when I have tried to discuss this with her. I thought maybe some of you out there have had a similar experience (doggie style, not the surgery).

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    Perhaps a sex therapist could help you? Could be as simple as she thinks she looks unattractive in that position.

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    My man absolutlloves doggie style and so do I. But it does leave alot of pressur on the back and in the genital areas. Have you tried lying her on her back with her legs behind your back.This will make her tighter and will make you feel both very arroused. Sometimes just talking about it can help also.

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    APRIL 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array ItsASecret's Avatar
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    Could be as simple as she thinks she looks unattractive in that position.
    That was the reason I hated doing it at first. I used to ask him to put a blanket over my butt so that he could not stare at me like I was some piece of meat, because the position itself is not intended to be something of intimate quality (and no I am not talking about laying stomach down, I am talking the real doggie style). Over time I got more and more used to it, but I only got used to it because I did not want to be one of the girls that refuses so many positions so I just told myself to push through the uncomfortableness for a bit. It worked, I can do that position whenever wherever but it does not happen often because he cums so fast from it.
    There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+)MAY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array pretzel's Avatar
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    There was a statement that bothered me a little, "The problem is that my wife appears to be in agony". After 35 years, I doubt that she would say this just to have you stop. I think that it does indeed hurt her and it may be for a couple of reasons. One is that maybe she is drying out rather quickly. If this is a position that isn't comfortable for her, the chances of her drying and not staying lubricated is a real possibility. That can most certainly cause alot of pain for some women. Also, the position itself may tire her arms and back despite the athletics that she does.
    There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW

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    Use lubrication to make sure that's not the problem. Try standing on the floor with her on the bed on all fours. This can produce a different "angle of attack". Is this discomfort new, or has it always been a problem? It is personally my favorite position of all, but if there was pain of course it would quickly become my least favorite.

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    I would love to be into this style but everytime me and my boyfriend try it it causes me alot of discomfort and often horrible pain. it is not a lack of lubricant that makes it hurt, but because it hurts I quickly can't bare it and that in turn causes dryness which then hurts in a different way! I saw a gyno about it and she said that sometimes the angle of the guy can hit a woman's cervix or ovaries and that, in fact, the pain caused is thought to be similar to hitting a man in his testicles. it could be that your wife does not want to tell you that it you are hurting her and so she tries to sort of take responsibility for it by saying it is her back... the other thought is that it could be an emotional issue with that style. Have you had this experience in the past or only more recently? Bottom line is that you have to talk to her. If you explain that her explanation seems inconsistent - the furniture etc (i suggest don't use the word 'lie') she will either explain further and help you to understand or tell a different reason. Either way you will be better off. The more understanding you are of her reasons against, the more understanding she is likely to be about your reasons for. Good luck.

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