Bring out the shy wife.

**waya** · 01-30-2011 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by wanton

My Indian bro, it is really sad that your wife does not get turned on easily. The best advice can be have her watch lots of porno movies and this arouses her and she will observe how the rest of other women behave sexually. That is one of the effective tools to educate your wife on sex. I am a young girl still in my twenty and I never fear to tread the untrodden and do anything just to satisfy my soul.

I wouldn't recommend porn to turn her on. A lot of women don't find it exciting and the women on there are acting. That's not how they actually behave sexually. In general, women are more turned on by the emotional and sensual side of sex. I think someone mentioned erotica, that would probably be a better fit as erotica is written for women whereas porn is made to appeal to men.

**Reema** · 01-30-2011 01:35 PM

Thanks people! IT was worth a shot to try and get some ideas from here. Was hoping for an aha moment really.

**wanton** · 01-31-2011 04:58 AM

Originally Posted by waya

I wouldn't recommend porn to turn her on. A lot of women don't find it exciting and the women on there are acting. That's not how they actually behave sexually. In general, women are more turned on by the emotional and sensual side of sex. I think someone mentioned erotica, that would probably be a better fit as erotica is written for women whereas porn is made to appeal to men.

I am really happy to read this comment for the fact that I never knew about Erotica. I will buy the book right away. I am always desperately looking for a book and I have not read enough though I admit to myself I strayed too much to see porn movies. I do not know how it will affect a decent Indian lady who were under a strict system

**ItsASecret** · 01-31-2011 08:27 AM

My Indian bro, it is really sad that your wife does not get turned on easily. The best advice can be have her watch lots of porno movies and this arouses her and she will observe how the rest of other women behave sexually. That is one of the effective tools to educate your wife on sex. I am a young girl still in my twenty and I never fear to tread the untrodden and do anything just to satisfy my soul.

Definitely so not go the porn route if she is a shy girl. Watching fluids getting thrown around, a screaming banshee making it seem like being plowed at 50 reps a second is the best thing ever, watching a girl get thrown around being told she is a (insert sexual crude description), watching a girl get bent in ways that are not comfortable, hearing that other people think porn is the way that girls 'should act' is not the exact depiction of sex you want a shy reserved woman to be exposed to. She may be turned far more off by that, even the most mild of porn can make people turn their heads in shame and disgust. If a man says she should be screaming, having an epileptic-like seizure while she is on top of him, should be spitting and making angry puffed faces at any moment because that is "porn star sexy" then he may be in for a long road of absent sex or at the very least the vanilla general sex that she enjoys and he dislikes for a very long time.

**Magnetism** · 02-23-2011 07:19 PM

This is just my opinion, but I think a lot of Indian women are wary about Indian men judging them or calling them sluts. Maybe you can let her know that it's okay to have sexual feelings and that you won't judge her. She doesn't have to act like a conservative woman with you. Indian woman are expected to be conservative to avoid family shaming or being ostracized.

I'm not a conservative Indian woman, but I know what it's like to receive cruel comments and hurtful comments from other Indian males. I don't think some people understand that it's a no-win situation. An Indian woman is criticized for liking sex, but she's still bad for not having sex.

**alicat** · 02-25-2011 08:43 AM

going out on a limb here. at least twice you mentioned that you "made" her do stuff. made? maybe i'm misreading it, I apologize if I am...but no woman like to be "made" to do something especially if it is something she is uncomfortable doing. However, you could let her know how hot it makes you to know that she is out in public with no panties on and that it is a secret that just the two of you share...

secondly, talking dirty does not come naturally for all women. it was very difficult for me to do and 4 years into my marriage i'm doing better but there is still NO way i'm going to tell my husband to f*** me, just not my style. what I will do is make sure he knows that I am enjoying our activity, that he's touching the right place with the right pressure, etc, and that no, i do not want him to stop. What my husband did to bring me out of my shell was to ask "leading" questions while we were having sex, by that I mean questions that really only have one answer and that answer is what you want to hear....I had to be taught to talk dirty...

Have you tried taking her hand and putting it where you want her to touch? Let her know what you want/like...some women are afraid to get too frisky with some areas of the male anatomy.

**Reema** · 02-26-2011 07:08 PM

ok. Been a while and things are not getting any better. I "make" her do things because she doesn't take the lead. So, what option do I have other than to try different things and risk being wrong?
Frankly, I'm bored of being the one to initiate sex all the time. Think about it. I ask for sex, and she just lies there and enjoys my dirty talk and all the sex. So, I do all the work and don't get much variety. What's the encouragement for me?
I love her very much and want her to be my wife for the rest of my life. But in the sex dept, she's coming up really short.
Would I be a bad person if I pursued another woman? a one night stand? Like I said, I love her, but the lack of "passion" is something that's bothering me very much and she knows about it. In a few years, I'll not be able to do much about it. So, why not find my own way to satisfy myself now?
Men are sterotyped as being most sexual and unfaithful. Now, I understand why. It's mostly out of frustration.

Frustrated!

**Magnetism** · 02-28-2011 07:17 PM

So, you say you love your wife and want her to be with you forever. But, what's cheating going to tell her? Actions speak louder than words. Cheating would be instant gratification, but the long-term consequences aren't worth it.....unless you're willing to end the relationship. If you love someone, you don't want to hurt them. How would you feel if she cheated on you?

Maybe consider couples counseling or a sex therapist to find out why she's unenthusiastic about sex.

**WildChild** · 03-01-2011 12:19 AM

There are aspects of your cultural history that are very strongly sexual. There are temples carved with beautiful depictions of sexual acts, there are books and materials going back 100s and 1000s of years, showing that sex was seen as healthy and spiritual. Perhaps some books about this part of your history might help her feel that is ok to be sexual? Its not going to be a quick change but over time you may be able to gradually lead her to it.

I like the idea of erotica. how about poetry? Does she like any of that? Maybe create a habit at least once a week of having a meal if "finger" foods (things you can easily handle without eating utinsels) and reading romantic things to each other? You might be able to find some romantic/sexy plays and you each read different parts. One rule while doing this, you can each only eat what the other feeds you. Hopefull that will help get her participating more.