Thread: Bring out the shy wife.

We are an Indian couple in our late 30s. Been married 10 yrs now. I'm the husband.
My problem is that my wife's shy. possibly even prude. Just like any conservative Indian woman. We have sex about 1 time a week. But, frankly, I need to have a couple of drinks to even feel the libido. Wife wants sex, but will not try anything new. Stress on the NOT part. Even the dirty talking part has to be done by me. Apparently, she doesn't have the imagination and doesn't want to think of such things during sex. I tried to get her to drink some wine, that puts her to sleep and she basically doesn't want alcohol. Also tired from taking care of the house and our daughter. She basically lies there and lets me do stuff. Ofcourse, with a condition that Anal is out of limits. I'm a very adventurous guy and made her do a few things, just to get her started, like going out commando.
I ask her about her fantasies, there's nothing. Well she did say a thing or two about doing it with someone else, but the way she tells it; it's much like watching the history channel. I've even tried writing fictional stories about swap, 3some etc with us in it. She likes the stories. But, that's where it stops. oh.. and I'm not an ugly guy either. Not Tom Cruise, but not bad looking. And for the curious, I have the right tools and the right size for the job.
To sum it up.... Frustrated. Totally out of ideas.

I'd like for once to want her so bad that I just pick her up, throw her against the wall, rip her panties and just plough her. Neither of us is getting any younger and I don't see this happening anytime soon. I consider myself a fairly faithful guy. (fairly because if you are woman and we met, I'm probably doing you in my mind).

Ideas people? Women? Especially the ones from a conservative Indian family? WHAT THE DO YOU WANT??!!! SERIOUSLY! Just tell me and I'll do it.

Wow. Well you're clearly letting out your frustrations here. Have you talked to her about all this? If she knows how much this means to you and is bothering you, hopefully she would make an effort (baby steps) to try some new things. You have to go slow and be patient with her though, because growing up in an environment where sex really wasn't talked about or probably encouraged, she probably doesn't know a lot in the first place, and didn't find it important to learn about it. But it's important to YOU, so it should be important to her. I'd wait until you're a little calmer to talk with her - be clear about your feelings, but sensitive to hers as well. Good luck!

First of all I have to say you sound like the best partner a woman could want - putting all that effort and variety into working things out makes me kind of jealous lol.
Has it always been like this? especially during the beginning of your relationship? The main thing that comes to mind for me personally for a woman to react like that to sex is that she feels that sex has become more of a chore than something she enjoys but by the sounds of it there is no way that could have happened :P My suggestion would be bringing the passion and the romance - is she generally affectionate out the bedroom? (not necessarily in public) .. Maybe catch her completely off guard with an amazingly passionate kiss when she's doing something mundane. I know its not going to get you there immediately but it may be a start to throwing her up against the wall

I'm sorry, but I have to ask... Are you sure that she is reaching her orgasm also?
I've read lots here that may indicate that when women constantly are expected to give and they never reach orgasm themselves, they can somewhat shut down, because they expect nothing out of it... they get nothing out of it, and it's nothing more than a chore. Perhaps by giving her much more personalized attention, she may be willing to reciprocate and be more open to newer things, knowing that the end result will be worth the effort?

Now again, this is all speculation and if I'm off base - forgive me. But it was something that came to mind and who knows - maybe a possibility?

Well, I have talked extensively about this to her. Some examples.
write down your fantasies.
I'll do whatever you want this evening. No limits. (of course, here I'm assuming that she's going to be sane)
Tell me one fantasy you want to live out in your lifetime.

Care to guess what the answer to all my questions above were??!!

And yes, she orgasms most of the time. I make sure of that. If I fail to make her orgasm once, I make sure she does the next time. I pride myself on a 90% success rate. (And she's told me she never fakes it. I'll have to take that as is). I know sex is very important to her. It's just that I have to do all the work. She's the sleeping partner.

In fact, her words were that she doesn't think any of our couple friends do what we do. I've made her do some wild things... like give me a BJ in the woods, go commando, use the remote butterfly when visiting friends and places... now I've given up because I feel like she does those things because I make her.

Trust me, I've given this quite a shot. This is not exactly something I want to ask my friends or hers. So, I'm here to find out if there's something else I can do.

Sorry to say but it sounds like her attitude is pretty ingrained. Nothing you can do or say will change how she feels. It has to come from her, because she wants to change. It's unfortunate you didn't know her attitude before you married. If you keep pushing her about 'doing different things' you risk putting her off sex all together. Sorry but I don't really see any solution to this