I'm a pretty good masseuse....one thing I'm good at with my hands :P....I'm just afraid that I've created that mental block...because I got quite down over the fact that I couldn't make her orgasm. So I'm scared I've kind off put the pressure on her to orgasm and yeah I've been making that mistake...going straight to the clit and not actually paying attention to anything else...ok I'll take you're advicewish me luck :P Thank you very much
Hi, just wanted to add macs - from trying to relate to what you said, it sounds like something I've had which is, as Hopeless Dork called it I think, 'stage fright'. It sounds like she's struggling to loosen up and get into being sexual with you. Sometimes sex problems can be down to technique or not knowing where things are :P but in this situation, I think talking about technique of touching, what 'works', can make things worse. She'll start feeling like she's difficult to please and you feel like you can't please her. Really, as the others have said, you just need to help her get in the mood easier, stay in the mood and be comfortable.
I'd also recommend you realise you're probably great with your hands, don't dread going down there. That dread, expecting her to orgasm and disappointment at her not managing it, may just put a lot more pressure on here, increasing the 'stage fright'.
Good luck
macs, try foreplay that is drawn out. Get comfortable with each other. I agree with what HD and WC said.
You said that you are good with massage, try giving her a real one to start things off, for a half hour or so. Do both front and back. Don't forget feet and hands. Don't massage the breasts until at the end of the massage. At the right time, when doing the legs, do the upper thighs, but don't go further toward the public area. Do a face massage including the ears. She should become much more comfortable with you touching her from the massage. If she goes to sleep, work on the orgasm the next time.
Try being indirect at your getting her excited. Even within the massage, "carelessly" let your hand brush against her public hair or if there is none, her labia, but do it infrequently. Kiss her in various places in a random fashion. Make her guess where you will kiss next or make her completely not know. Do not do this too much, or it will loose some of its intrigue. Every once in a while kiss her breasts, but only for a moment. Sometimes don't kiss, but rather use stiff lips to lightly squeeze. Use the stiff lips for squeezing or rubbing other areas, again infrequently. If you have done it right and it is something she likes, she should be quite wet before you get to spending time on her clitoris.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
Macs,
Speaking as a guy, my advice would be to let go of seeing her orgasm as a goal and build up a higher level of intimacy. Also, you could try being more of a "regular guy". For example you could try f--king her from behind and allow her to stimulate herself, or you could reach around and do it (this can be a hard position to hold but when it works it's pretty spectacular).
Also, since you say you've done your homework, have you tried any of the usual G-Spot techniques?
Try changing up the emotional dynamic, I mean, be a little bit more aggressive and, I dare say, a bit more selfish. Give her the space to explore her own feelings and responses. She has her own process as a female to go through, to understand how she responds sexually to a man. Sometimes, in these situations, your job is to just be the man.
Yeah I've tried g-spot techniques....she gets the feeling like shes going to pee but then just becomes uncomfortable for her... so I gave up on that...can't do the clit if my life depended on it :P well not for 30-40 minutes haha....and oral is just a tease..soooo I don't know what else to do...thing that annoys me is the guys her friends are dating 2 of them were virgins to start with...yet they can make their gfs orgasm and I can't...which does my head in... I guess it could be coz of regular use of the vibrator...I don't know...I feel responsible either way...but what do you mean..be selfish ?
I think he means take some of the pressure off of both you regarding getting her to orgasm. You know the old saying about a watched pot never boils?
Absolutely be concerned for her pleasure and don't get totally selfish and just go for your own orgasm but don't make that the gold standard. It's HER orgasm and part of that is what is going on in her head.
There are several books on giving a woman great sex, why get a few and see what they have to offer? If nothing else you are learning.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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