Am I weird? Is there something wrong with me?

**Abigail Appleton** · 02-07-2011 10:12 AM

I'm still a virgin, I haven't had much luck with men, and wanted to wait 'til I met the perfect man and fell inlove. Sure enough, I finally have, he's absolutely amazing. He's older than me, so is wiser, and turns me on so much, we've been together 2 months now and already talking about marriage and moving in. I just wanna spend my life with him, he's the one, I know it.

But anyway we've talked about sex a lot lately, because, I just need him, he's the one, I want to give myself to him completely.

Anyway he was telling me his ideal way of taking me on my first time. He was sweet enough. Talking about candles, treating me gently and sweetly, looking after me and showing me a good time, promising it won't hurt as he'll take good care of me, and I know he would. I know he loves me. He doesn't need to show it that way. He shows it enough through cuddles and affection.

But I really love the idea of him just bending me over and taking me hard, I just want him to pull my hair, call me his lil slave, his lil bi..h, and really f... me hard, I WANT to hurt, I WANT to feel him, I WANT him to make me his.. is this wrong, or weird? Is there something wrong with me? I just want to be his, he's the one, I just want him to really rawr me and get it over with so we can move onto the fun stuff with each other..

**Tool** · 02-07-2011 10:24 AM

OMG that is hawt, you should tell him this.. How the heck has he wait 2 months.. get going..

**WildChild** · 02-07-2011 10:25 AM

There is nothing wrong with this. BUT the first few times can be painful and there is no way to predict that. Hymens vary widely, yours may already be gone due to any number of reasons or you could have a really tough one that hurts like heck when it gives way and bleeds all over.
Starting off intercourse with a painful experience can set the stage to associate it with pain and cause your body to react with a lack of arousal in the future.

You are a virgin. You think you want it rough. I'm so far from virgin and so much older, let me encourage you, starting out, let him make this all tenderness and gentleness. It will be better for both of you. You lack experience. You don't know what you don't know. Explore, don't just go in one direction. It could be that what you are really craving is a feeling of joining fully.

After only two months you are full of the chemicals of infatuation. In the 6 months to 2 years it takes those to calm down so that you can really find out what you have for the long term, you may find yourself feeling differently. The first man who rocks your world is something special but that doesn't always make him Mr. Forever. There are many of us here who wish our first experiences had been more special. You want him to dominate you? Follow his lead on this one. Take it easy at first, work into other things gradually, give yourself time to learn this new way with your body and joining it with another.

**Abigail Appleton** · 02-07-2011 10:34 AM

No, I'm his forever. He's proposing to me soon. He's not my first love. I've had boyfriends before, and loved before, just this one is perfect in every way and I'd be an idiot ever to let him go. He's my true love.

I have masturbated long enough and explored.. we've been sexual in other ways for a while now.. just I told him that he's the one and I want him to be the one to take me, I've been saving myself for him, just him, I love the thought of being just his.

I really want him just to do me hard and make me scream. I love the thought of being his and getting the first time out the way like that so we can move onto the fun stuff for real.

**WildChild** · 02-07-2011 10:37 AM

Do you trust him?

**Abigail Appleton** · 02-07-2011 10:56 AM

With my life! And he trusts me finally after we talked for like 8 hours about us and our feelings. He was engaged until his evil monster of a fiancee cheated on him, and it completely broke him and it was so hard for him to trust. He thinks all girls are the same now and that everyone is going to cheat/hurt him. I just want to completely give myself to him and give him all my love and trust, heart and soul, so he sees that I'm his, just his, no-one elses, and I only ever want him.

**WildChild** · 02-07-2011 11:11 AM

Then trust him on this and let him lead.

**rcoreyus** · 02-07-2011 02:50 PM

Nothing is wrong with any mutually agreed upon behavior, and the idea of being "taken" is appealing to many people. OTOH, sometimes reality doesn't live up to fantasy at all. The imagined erotic pain of losing your virginity to a strong man, may not be the same as the possibly real unpleasant pain that actually happens.

If you were already sexually experienced, I'd say go ahead, its a great fantasy. Still you would need a "safe word", that is something you both agree that you can say that REALLY means stop - in case things become unpleasant.

In this case I'd suggest you tell him what you want, but have a safe word ready, and be willing to use it if the reality doesn't match your fantasy. Some people lose their virginity without much pain, others have a lot.

**Abigail Appleton** · 02-08-2011 04:07 PM

Not a case of being taken by a strong man. It's a case of being taken by him. Just him. I get turned on at the fact that I'm only his, and no-one else is allowed to look at me or touch me.. I love that. I'm just his, not someone else's leftovers that he just has to settle with, I'm actually his from beginning to end, and I want him to take me and treat me as such..

I talked to him about it last night, and he's agreed. He said he wanted my first time to be perfect for me, that's why he wanted it sweet, gentle, romantic etc. I said my way WOULD be perfect, because it'd be with him, making me submit to him, making me just his, taking what belongs to him and only him. It really is how I want it.

Funny you said about the safe word though, because that's what he said ^_^ he explained that I might say no, or stop, but not really mean it, involuntary response or something, so told me to pick a safe word to use so that if I really do mean stop he said he'll stop, kiss me better.. down there.. and then do it the way he wanted originally.

It'll hurt. I know it'll hurt, I want it to hurt. But even though it'll hurt I know there'll be immense pleasure, both physically and emotionally. I'll get off on him just making me his, forever.

I've been masturbating for years. Showerheads, electric toothbrush, a pen, fingers.. so I'm sure I'll be fine. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone anyway so I know he'll take care of me, that's why I love him so much. I used to be so independent and act so strong before, and now, I just love knowing that I don't have to worry about anything because takes care of me. I'm just going to submit myself and do what ever he wants when ever he wants.

I also want him to take me in public. Talked to him about that too but he won't do it for my first time incase I bleed.. but I've bled before while masturbating but he still won't..

**rcoreyus** · 02-08-2011 06:33 PM

I forgot to answer your first question - No, you are not weird - lots of people have all sorts of fantasies. Just again be aware that often reality isn't as much fun as you expect, but otherwise just have fun.

If you really want to be taken in public, you could videotape yourself and post it on one of the groups on the internet. That is IF you are over 18, otherwise at least in the US it is child porn and very illegal. By using video you also have the option to not post it of things don't go the way you want.