In Love but Sexually Frustrated

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-11-2011 06:45 AM

If HE truly loves you and YOU truly love him, he will admit, open up, talk about, whatever "it" is that he has suppressed for all of these years and YOU will be willing to work through it with him. however long it takes and however ugly it may get.

He might not even be able to recall it on his own having suppressed it so deep and for so long.

If I were in your shoes, I'd seek the advice/counsel of a good therapist who can help both of you. What started out as "his" problem has now become "your" problem since you are so much in love with him.

BTW - Sex is an act used to extend the life of the species. It's making love that no one should live without and don't remain happy for very long if they do (IMO).

You need good, happy, healthy physicial intimacy in your lives together, so address that too, once the underlying issue has been worked through.

Be patient, this is going to take time....

**OregonGirl** · 02-11-2011 06:55 AM

Has anyone even taken notion to the idea that maybe this guy just doesn't like the taste/smell/feel on his tongue??? Not saying that you are smelly or dirty in any way but everyone smells differently and everyone has different tastes. What is good to one is gross to another.

Why should it be any different than women who don't like to swallow or have semen in their mouths? Should there be something wrong with us and should that mean that something happened in our childhood?

OP says she cant orgasm from intercourse, well most women can't orgasm from straight up sex either. Can you orgasm by yourself? Are you sure you've ever had an orgasm?

Don't get too down because he's grossed out by oral sex and fingering. TBH, fingering grosses ME out, fingering myself or being fingered by my fiance. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. I don't think your fiance is messed up, I just think he's not what we think is a standard guy.

You need to talk to him in a non-mean and non-combative way and ask him exactly what it is that grosses him out about your vagina. Maybe it's the slimy texture of your natural lubricant? Maybe it is just the taste? If it's the taste then you could try some flavored lubes.

**WildChild** · 02-11-2011 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by OregonGirl

Has anyone even taken notion to the idea that maybe this guy just doesn't like the taste/smell/feel on his tongue??? Not saying that you are smelly or dirty in any way but everyone smells differently and everyone has different tastes. What is good to one is gross to another.

Why should it be any different than women who don't like to swallow or have semen in their mouths? Should there be something wrong with us and should that mean that something happened in our childhood?

You need to talk to him in a non-mean and non-combative way and ask him exactly what it is that grosses him out about your vagina. Maybe it's the slimy texture of your natural lubricant? Maybe it is just the taste? If it's the taste then you could try some flavored lubes.

If you re -read the original post, it isn't just that he won't perform oral sex. He won't use his hands either. He does not want to touch her genitals with anything but his penis.

**OregonGirl** · 02-11-2011 09:26 AM

Well I kind of sort of addressed that too. It could be the same thing, the way it feels. Vagina's do get rather slimy at times.

**WildChild** · 02-11-2011 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by OregonGirl

Well I kind of sort of addressed that too. It could be the same thing, the way it feels. Vagina's do get rather slimy at times.

Darlin' you can't make this normal. What man craves and fantasizes about making love with a woman who has a dry vagina? For most men a wet woman means a woman who wants him and they'll do whatever it takes to get her there.

**OregonGirl** · 02-11-2011 03:45 PM

It's not normal I agree. But there's always at least one that doesn't conform to societies standards. I just don't think that makes him mentally ill.

**jns** · 02-11-2011 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by OregonGirl

Vagina's do get rather slimy at times.

Never been with a girl with a slimy vagina. Or maybe I have been but didn't notice. I have had slimy Thanksgiving gravy before. It tasted good, but I couldn't get my head completely around the texture. I'm usually pretty good at that. Maybe if I had more, I would have got better about it. Anyway, I would seldom if ever use the word slimy to describe a woman's vagina.

**anonymouswhitemale** · 02-11-2011 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Never been with a girl with a slimy vagina. Or maybe I have been but didn't notice. I have had slimy Thanksgiving gravy before. It tasted good, but I couldn't get my head completely around the texture. I'm usually pretty good at that. Maybe if I had more, I would have got better about it. Anyway, I would seldom if ever use the word slimy to describe a woman's vagina.

Well, wet's kinda good. It means she's excited. And I do indeed like the taste when she comes.

But I recall reading in a German magazine where someone was asking whether they were compatible, given the guy really didn't like the smell of his fiancee's vagina. The agony-aunt/expert responded mentioning the expression "I can't stand him/her." Actually, he gave the German version of this expression, which is "I can't [stand to] smell him/her" whereby the agony-aunt was suggesting an incompatibility that goes back to the origin of that expression.

I remember a funny cartoon about this, where the husband went down between the wife's legs wearing a gas mask. The wife grumbled that her mother-in-law had warned her about this guy's sarcastic attitude!

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