Allergic to husband...kinda

**blueclouds** · 02-11-2011 04:54 PM

Hi auntie_awesome

I think this thread seems to have changed a bit to some interesting stuff about allergy prevention but which doesn't really deal with the things with your husband.

Personally I really feel that this is one unavoidable thing for you, because it is a health thing. If it was a choice (eg, wanting him to wear red socks when you had sex!!) then it'd be fair for him to not like it. You don't have a choice with health issues - so I think you shouldn't feel bad about it but almost be proud of your allergies - they are part of you and who you are. He really should be understanding and accepting. If he wants to be with you - they're part of you.

I have IBS which is really difficult and awkward sometimes and makes me uncomfortable. But, as much as I feel awkward sometimes, I've learnt to accept it as part of me, my health, my life. If a partner didn't like it (and how it affects my health/life) I'd find them very inconsiderate.

If I can make a comparison - I hope this isn't politically incorrect! If your health issue was in a wheelchair, people would probably clamour at how bad he was for not understanding if he complained about having to make adjustments for you - eg, taking ramps, lifting you into bed, only being able to go to certain places for days out, I don't know, whatever. Now it's allergies for you, it's another health thing, but this thread seems to have moved off topic. I see it as the same. Your partner should accept your health and help to keep you as healthy as possible!

I'm concerned about you taking so many allergy shots - is that really good for you as a long term solution?

Please think of your own health and self here. You have enough difficulties with your allergies, please don't make it harder for yourself by making yourself ill to please him. You carry an epi pen - you could even be putting yourself at serious risk...

I think it sounds like he needs to grow up a bit (sorry if that's rude, I just really sympathise with you here) and realise that as your partner he should support you because allergies are part of you.

**WildChild** · 02-11-2011 06:13 PM

Awesome, I can relate. I have allergies and hypersensitivites, not as extensive as your but a concern none the less. Both my last husband and my children's father were fully aware of this, but once we were married, started using scented products. I would be in the posistion that being some place like a vehicle with that exposure was a very difficult. People don't always understand that some things will Always cause a serious reaction, while other things many vary in the intensity of the reaction depending on how sensitised you are at the time.

As Blueclouds points out this isn't equivalent to not liking a certain kind of music, or a certain fragrance. This is a physical response caused by exposure. In some cases it can be life threatening.

To disreguard this is very unloving and uncaring.

**auntie_awesome** · 02-13-2011 09:26 AM

I missed that there were some more responses so I'm sorry it took so long to reply.

Blueclouds - The allergy shots build up a tolerance to local allergies in Florida, which I need. I'm really upset about discontinuing them because they were actually helping. My allergies are better since I started them. I have allergies to an overwhelming degree unfortunately, a few other people in my family do as well. My doctor and family like to make jokes about me living in a bubble, and my allergist has used me to train the other nurses in the building because my allergies are so extreme.

WildChild - I was just so surprised by how bad the reaction was! It took two Benedryl and 45 minutes for me to stop coughing as bad. Thankfully no hives or anything...but my total allergy medicine that day was 3 Benedryl and 1 Allegra. INSANE!

Well, he is unhappy about it for sure and didn't think and bought some food with almonds in it. He'll eat it eventually...but then he is out of luck for a kiss or anything for about 24 hours. Ugh. I'm just so surprised about his reaction to this request! He's hoping that I'm just allergic to him and not the foods he is eating. :P That way I can build an immunity to him. :P At least he seems like he is trying. I don't think he has sneaked any nuts, and we threw away the PB cereal he had that night, no blueberries and no tuna.

We haven't had sex since this happened...to be honest, I'm nervous about it! I don't know if anyone here knows what it's like for your throat and lungs to feel like they are just coated in mucous which makes it hard to even talk. It's pretty horrid and rather scary.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-13-2011 11:39 AM

Auntie - the plain and simple truth is that we are much like Pavlov's dogs. If sex feels good and makes us feel good we want more sex. If sex causes discomfort and makes us feel bad and uncomfortable we want less sex. Perhaps addressing it to your hubby in that way, very matter of fact, plain and simple so he can relate what youre saying to the level of sex he's getting. It is all too common that men in todays society are so accustomed to women bearing the burden of discomfort where sex is concerned. We are responsible for birth control, regardless the side effects and are STILL expected to want sex sex sex all the time. Alot of men get so used to us being "ok" with bearing that burden, that they lose compassion for our feelings both physically and emotionally where sex is concerned. We, as women, have to learn to speak up and say "No, it is NOT okay for me to feel this way, it is not okay for me to have to bear pain and discomfort continually to please him". IMO, he's being a bit selfish. He doesn't want to have to give up anything he likes, and in addition he expects more sex. But what about how you feel, your health, the reprecussions you deal with during and after? Surely he hasn't gotten to the point where he's willing to let you bear that kind of burden just so he can get his rocks off. He needs to be willing to compromise. He needs to remember that you are a human being and need compassion from your husband. If not, he needs to understand that eventually, the idea of sex will make you cringe due to the side effects it's causing you, and you'll be so resentful you'll stop having sex with him altogether.

**waya** · 02-13-2011 04:14 PM

I'm guessing it makes no difference whether he brushes his teeth?

**auntie_awesome** · 02-14-2011 09:19 AM

No, he brushed his teeth and tongue, rinsed and did it again that night. Food allergies just stick around in the saliva unfortunately.

:P Food allergies are stupid. lol

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