Thread: HE cant come!?

I've been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months or so now. We're totally connected, into each other and very sexually compatable, the chemestry we share is out of sight.

He's been going through alot of major changes in life. He was feeling anxious and depressed and decided to go (back) on a pill. Cant remember what. Effexor? he was on it before.
Every since then, he cant come!! Its SO frustrating!! He talked to his dr. and he basically told him it might get a little better, but otherwise deal with it because its just a side effect. He never noticed the side effect before because (he said) he and his ex-wife never had sex anyway. Not the case with me.
I've suggested maybe talk to the Dr about another kind that doesnt have this effect as much. But he refuses becuase he said hes tried other kinds and they dont do as well for the emotional problem. Not my place to push the subject so I left it at that.

I have a really high sex drive. I see him, I want him. as much as possible. But its really wearing knowing we'll go for hours and nothing. And for obvious reasons it gets uncomfortable after a while.
I mean, I guess this could be liveable because we still have sex alot. But . I wonder if HE's going to get tired of doing it because of this!

He's a sensitive guy so I dont know how to approach this? Any suggestions??

Firstly, why is it so important to you that he comes? If you enjoy sex, and he is treating you well in it, then why look for perfection? Yes,ideally men would come inside/outside of their girl. But sometimes anxieties we men have stop us from going all the way. Isn't that what we constantly hear from women as well?
Why do you think that we are all mechanical ejaculators that just spurt to order? We need to feel totally relaxed in our minds and comfortable with our partners. Your relationship is still new. Give it time and be patient. Surely the important thing is that you love one another and he satisfies you sexually. Don't worry, he'll ejaculate soon and you'll be cleaning up the mess. By the way, when this happens, tell him you like him ejaculating and you like to see his fluid. This will give him confidence further. Men like to hear that you girls like our fluids. x

Hard to pinpoint the problem at this point.

It could be a side effect of the antidepressant, if that is what he's taking and the only thing he's taking.

Could be the "stress of life" as you mentioned, he's been goingthrough a lot of major changes. One change is often enough to interfere with sexual performance.

Could be the "fear of underperforming" with you. Going from a "no drive" ex spouse to a "high drive" relatively new GF is pretty dramatic.

Could be DE or Delayed Ejaculation. There is some pretty good info at webMD regarding this issue and at another site called good in bed.

Could be too much masturbation. If he masturbates at all, ask him to stop doing it for at least a month and see what happens.

Could be a combination of any of the above mentioned things.

Think of his ejaculating like an onion, there will probably be many layers until you figure it out.

I guess for now you cant really do anything but to wait for him to be willing to make changes.

You're really in a rock/hard place situation... if he stops the meds and feels depressed, anxious and miserable ... your sex life is going to be affected as well as your entire relationship and his emotional well-being. If he continues the meds, and suffers complications sexually, it can affect your sex life as well as your relationship and so on. So there is really no win in this except for the hope that they can find a medication that has less damaging side effects.

One of the things you can try is having him abstain from masturbation (if he does it) and spend a couple of days teasing him inbetween sessions so that he builds up more of a natural drive to 'release'. Do not be so quick to go in for the finale, spend lots of time working him up, get him all excited then bring him back down and repeat repeat... even like I mentioned taking that teasing beyond just the one night... extending it.. building it up... that may help so that when you do have sex, his body is in greater need.

Also try to do things to keep him focused and in the moment during the act, talking dirty, looking him in the eyes... keeping the lights on, wearing sexy things... trying new and exciting stuff... etc.

There are several antidepressants that have little or no sexual side effects of any type. Depending on how long he's been taking his current one, switching to another may be an option.

From a guys perspective the super moderator is spot on. keep him engaged, keep him loving you as you go & tell him you like it!!! Get his balls & try & tickle his butt...we like it!!!

lol thanks so much kids!! This is really helpful!!
his coming really isnt that important to me...its just different. I've never experienced a man who doesnt come or one who takes a while to do so. Granted, I can count all my partners on one hand, but still.
I really try not to make him feel pressured at all. I know thats gotta be intimidating!! I'd never get angry with him or act bi*chy if/when it doesnt happen. I care about him too much & theres really no reason for that anyway.
Think I need to work harder on keeping him engaged. Thats a great point. I'm not shy at all about wearing stuff, and I do, or using stuff but I've never thought about that before.
I LOVE the teasing suggestion. that sounds like it could be lots of fun! lol!!! And masturbation...I'm sure he does, I've never brought it up before. Might be worth a try.