Thread: Any suggestion on how to fix this mess?

With Valentine Day coming up, I can't help it but feel huge amount of pressure because I totally ruined my boyfriend's birthday a couple months ago.

Since my boyfriend have always do what I want when it come to sex but I barely do anything he wants. I feel like he really deserve at least something in return.

But my boyfriend have a thing for butt but I'm really shy about my butt. He doesn't care much for breast at all! He also want to try do anal thing with me which I am totally uncomfortable with but he ask only twice and haven't asked in like a year or so. Also I am not exactly comfortable with the idea of going down on him so I don't really do it often. I really don't like the idea of using toys but he really wants to. He also want to try many different awkward positions that I don't want to try.
I've tried to ask him about other fetish he had. At first he says he doesn't have any other but I just found out a couple weeks ago that he like to be bitten until he's bruised, scratched until he bleed, having girl using buttplug with tail attached to it, and few other things. But thankfully he never asked me to do any of those!

I've tried special lube which didn't do a thing for him, I've tried different type of lingerie but unless it is something that expose my butt which I don't wear, it is just a piece of clothes. I've tried games but he get bored with it. I've tried candle wax and we both don't like it.

I really want to do something but don't know what option I have. I feel like he really deserve to have something since he have always been really good to me and have always give me what I want when it come to sex.

So I am really desperate for any suggestion that may help.

Buy him a nice card, cook him a nice dinner, share a bottle of wine if you are wine drinkers or buy him his favorite beer if you are not, give him a nice back rub after dinner, rent a good movie that you both want to see, perhaps something with a love story/romantic theme to it. Stay in for the evening and just enjoy each other's company.

Forget his birthday, it's over, it's history.

If you don't like your butt or him playing with it, maybe you can learn to play with and enjoy his.

There are men who enjoy breasts, there are men who enjoy butts and all men enjoy vaginas.

Maybe the "greatest" thing you can do for him and for you is get over some of the concerns/feelings you have about your own body.

The female body is beautiful and men generally love every inch of their woman's body. Yes, there are areas that we prefer, but we love all of you because we are in love with you.

Where women see bumps, bulges and imperfections, the men who love them see only curves.

Learn to appreciate and love your own body. This may be the greatest "gift" you could ever "give".

Is there any reason you don't want to show him the parts of your body that he likes? You mention not wanting to wear lingerie that shows your rear end... but also mention that its the kind of lingerie he loves to see on you. I understand body insecurities... but if he has expressed that he finds that part of your body sexy... why not wear something to show it off?

I think you are painting yourself into a corner when you completely refuse to do anything that your guy likes.. especially something as gentle and light as wearing the type of lingerie he finds attractive. I'm not saying you have to do EVERYTHING your guy wants I'm saying that if you completely refuse to partake in any of his fantasies or interests it can lead to resentment, boredom and a disconnection from you.

If you wanted to feel him cuddle you during a movie, if you wanted him to hold your hand on a walk and he refused to that... ever, knowing how much it would make you happy... wouldn't it start to feel like he has zero interest in you being happy? Wouldn't you begin to look at other couples where the man cuddles the woman and holds her hand and pine for that? And wonder why you are with someone that won't indulge you even on a rare occasion with a little snuggle?

So no you don't have to sit there and live all his whims... but think about the things he likes and ask yourself which of those things would not completely be miserable to do for him... nothing that causes pain, humiliation or emotional damage should be expected of you and he should understand your reasons for not wanting to do things that would cause you any of that... but if something doesn't hurt you, like wearing a lil sexy outfit he likes... I don't see why you wouldn't want to try to make his eyes light up on a special occasion.

A good valentines day treat for a guy, since a card and flowers isn't going to make much of an impression.. is to spoil him with an evening of attention, maybe a massage wearing a cute little outfit Don't worry about the past birthday or anything like that... if he's still with you, if he loves you... he isn't concerned with any of that so you shouldn't be either.

I can see that your boyfriend dont persuade you to do anything you are not comfortable with. If his fetishes are too much for you, I'm sure the lingerie that exposes a bit of your butt wouldnt be too hard? if you're not confident of your butt, there are many lingerie that you can try on to find the one the comments your body shape

Hopeless Dork put it perfectly. I know I have to do something especially since he's totally losing interest in having sex, prefer to masturbate to porn or go out and do something that give him adrenaline rush instead. His attitude toward me also has changed over time.
He have always been good to me and still is, but when it come to sex, he just don't even try any more and is pretty much on "autopilot" just to get over with it. He never seems to be excited about it any more which make me feel worse about myself.

I am shy about my butt because I've always been told by others that I have a "pancake butt" so now I am just really insecure about it. I use to tries to get my boyfriend to pay attention to my breast but it did absolutely nothing for him, that's when I just start to feel lost.

I got a thong pantie and a toy for his birthday, but I chickened out at last minute and changed the whole plan to something incredibly ridiculous.
I just really want to do something for him and to make thing worse, I used to hints about how I will try something just to get him excited and in hope I'd finally pushes myself to do something for him. But when the time come, I'd just find a excuse to get out of doing it. But I've pretty much stop this since I don't want to get his hope up only to break it any more.

I am just really afraid that this is pretty much end of our sex life and if it keep up, he may even leave me.

Oh hun, I totally understand how it is with body insecurities... but there are things, ways you can pose your body to make yourself look/feel better about any of your parts! And please keep in your mind that... no matter what kind of butt you have -- you have the hottest butt in the room when you are in the bedroom with your guy... you really can't do wrong Even a smaller, flatter butt... looks voluptous when you are bent over... you can surprise him with little teases -- even wearing more than a thong, by bending over in front of him and letting him get peeks.

But yes, its important to have a healthy sexual relationship -- for you and for him. Don't limit yourself He chose you, he loves you and is into you -- so he obviously thinks your butt is just fine. Sex should be loving and intimate , but it should also be fun and adventurous... you are the only person standing in your way of having a fullflling sex life... and by default, a happier, healthier relationship. Gotta let that guard down a little... step outside your comfort zone... and see how good it feels.

Y'know, high heels make your butt poof out more...I know we've all seemed to fixate on that one but it's because it seems like the smallest step and body issues can play such havoc with sexual intimacy.

Its always hard to tell from posts here what is really going on, so apologies if I'm badly misunderstanding the situation. It sounds like he likes your body and wants to see more of it. Sounds like he tries to please you in bed, but the things he wants are too "kinky" for you. Also sounds like his kinks are of being submissive. Since you don't share his interests, he is losing interest.

First - sex is really important - I don't think you can have a happy relationship without good sex. In fact if you really can't find a way to make each other happy in bed, you are probably both better off with more compatible partners.

That said, there are a lot of things you can do for him that he would likely enjoy, but that wouldn't be too extreme for you. (all this assumes that as you have said, he is willing to do whatever you want in bed).

The easiest is to wear the type of lingerie he likes. Don't worry - he thinks you look great, hot, sexy, etc. He wouldn't ask otherwise. He is absolutely not going be be unhappy at what he sees.

His fantasies sound submissive - maybe you can do some things and still enjoy yourself. An example (apologise if too graphic):

Let him find you in the bedroom in lingerie with 4 scarves (or lengths of clothesline or something) and carrying a belt (or some other threatening looking device). Tell him that if he says "red" you will stop the game (that is a "safe word"), but otherwise you are going to tie him to the bed and do what you want with him. Tie him up, (not too tight on the wrists or ankles to cut off circulation), and then have fun.

You can give him oral until he is almost finished - then stop and leave him desperate - then straddle his face and "make" him give you oral before you will finish him. You can ride him, or tickle him, or both. You can have fun using him as a "toy" and knowing that he will be enjoying it as well.

From his two fantasies (being bitten, or having a butt plug used on him), he definitely sounds submissive and would probably enjoy this sort of thing. You can tell though from his reaction what he likes - and he can stop it at any point if he isn't enjoying it - but I'll bet a LOT that he does.

Again all this assumes he is willing to do things you fantasize about in bed.