Thread: NOW! Not now!!

Originally Posted by jns

The masturbation is easy and quick. Basically he is being lazy and selfish. Is he into porn?

I thought the lazy/selfish thing was a given. I'm workin' on snapping him out of it [cause apparently it's possible with what some people told me0, which is why I needed the help. I'm not sure how. It's only been a year anyway so there's hope yet. I kinda like WildChild's suggestion. I'm not that great with being direct, but I gotta do something don't I?

Originally Posted by jns

Guys don't do hints. You have to tell him directly in unambiguous language.

It sounds like the two of you don't communicate very well. Are communications a problem?

Again, it's the same issue with being direct and me not capable of doing so. Mostly because I'm shy. Then, that's going back to why I had issues in the first place. But hey, something told me I'd get this answer from the beginning, so no big deal. Communication? Hasn't been a problem that I've noticed yet. We've had other issues with sex before such as him being too rough, but I had let him know about that & there weren't any problems since. And no, that's not when we started having sex less hahah. There have been/still are issues with MIScommunication with topics aside from sex and we are in the mitts of working that out too. So...if there's issues with communication still, maybe I need to take another look to make sure the point's getting across.

In general, I hope he's not that much of a hard-head to deny a direct approach. I THOUGHT before that I've been direct which made me believe I wasn't doing it right. But I can kinda see now that well, I was probably not being direct enough. Like I said before, the farthest it's been going lately was a hand job or a BJ, but I could never get him off that way - that's why he finishes himself off, yet he was too tired for sex - and I'm not that great with being on top, so it still goes nowhere for either of us. His lazy/tiredness with my inexperience is driving me nuts. I might not have another option but to throw away being shy once & for all. That won't be so easy. (I was not allowed to edit my first post)

Originally Posted by WildChild

If he's sitting on the couch, walk up, straddle him, a knee on each side of his hips and stick your tongue down his throat. Then whisper in his ear how much you want him and how wet you are.
That is not a hint, that is a definite invitation.

Ding, ding, ding we have a winner. This would work for me. Then again I have never chosen masturbation over sex, and I don't know when I have turned it down. That just baffles me.

Originally Posted by WildChild

If he's sitting on the couch, walk up, straddle him, a knee on each side of his hips and stick your tongue down his throat. Then whisper in his ear how much you want him and how wet you are.
That is not a hint, that is a definite invitation.

THAT is a hint even a man could understand!
LOL!
(And oh btw: that would get the message across to me!)

Being out of sync is fixable so long as he wants to get back to being close to you sexually too. Tell him that you miss making him feel good, and feeling how good he makes you feel... ask if he can save his 'energy' for you... if he's excited and wants it when you aren't available... if he masturbates he wont be in the mood later when you are available... ask if he can hold off on the self play more often than not.. that way even if he's tired, stressed, whatever, later... the fact he hasn't masturbated yet.. will play into his urges to be with you... regaurdless of what else may be bothering him. Where as if he already came... you could do the strattle wc speaks of... and end up feeling bad when you don't get the reaction you'd hope.

Yeah, Dork. THere's been a few times I've asked him to hold off, but it doesn't work. Maybe I wait too long? It's like a day or two..

Originally Posted by Yamimi

So...how can I initiate to get what I want more often instead of him doing what he wants & I'm always hung out to dry in frustration? I'm planning on not doing it his way anymore, but if I do that I need a way to take more control. Not sure how.

Bwhahahaha. This is where you get creative and fun.

My "normal" way, is walking over to him when he least expects it. Let's say he's sitting there watching TV (WARNING: make sure it's a show he doesn't care much about. If you do this during "the" game, prepared to be denied fast, lol), take the remote, turn the TV off, straddle him, and just start making out with him. Whisper sexy-nothings in his ear like, "I've been thinking about you all day." Or you can go for something much, much naughtier. I've always found it so easy to initiate sex by simply kissing, and it's for that reason alone, I won't date a bad kisser.

More creative ways (something I'll surprise him with like once a season) are like, the second he walks through the door, walk out of the room completely naked and just start taking off his clothes and go down on him. The unexpected rush it gives the guy usually means the best bang in weeks, but like I said, try not to over-do it. If I wake up early and I'm in the mood, I'll wake him up by tracing my tongue up and down his body until he's awake, then I go down until I can't stand it anymore and just have to jump him! If we're out with little plans for the evening, I'll take the keys out of his pocket (I hate driving for the most part, so my date usually is the one that does the driving), and drive the car to some unknown back road type of place, park, and well... you know. ^_~

There are lots of ways to do it, and you've got to start having fun with it. You'll see he responds differently to different ways, just see which ones turn him on the most. For example, I've been with someone who HATED being woke up in the morning like that. While another guy used to beg for it.

I rarely ever finish a guy off with oral. If you give it to him, pull away, and say, "This is how I want it." I HIGHLY doubt he's going to say, "Not in the mood to f*** the s*** out of you, so, you mind sucking me some more?" Oral is amazing fun, but I rarely use it as a means to an end.