Thread: Struggles of a single Christian virgin...

Originally Posted by jns

WP, do what you have to do to maintain your beliefs. They are not in conflict with others, only causing you some anxiety due to your bodily responses. Read up as much as you can about the subjects, especially from those of similar beliefs. Seek out opinions from people who have analyzed the situation from your belief system and have determined that you are not being sinful. They may have citations that will be helpful. Then also read up on those who have opposite opinions and see if their arguments are valid. Then process the information to come up with your own understanding.

Well put

I do thank everyone for their input...I have been given a lot to think about. This thread did get side tracked at times and because of that fact, I quit checking in to see what comments had been made. So I have revisited the thread today for the first days in a few days and just wanted to say thanks again for taking your time to read and give your thoughts on the situation. I am looking at dealing with all aspects that may be affecting this situation...it may take some time but a lot of things have been brought into perspective.

In response to both yourself and to Ms. Chandlers Wish, the Christian argument against masturbation typically comes from the Bible's stance on lust in general. For example, Matthew 5:28 reads, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (NIV). This is why some Christians take the stance that sex should not be pleasurable at all, even between husband and wife. Personally, I think that's a gross misinterpretation of Scripture.

What's being said in this passage (and others, such as Proverbs 6:25) is not that lust is entirely wrong, but that a sin in the heart is no different than a sin in action. If a married man oggles other women, then he is sinning, even though he'll never actually bed them. Lust is only wrong in that it leads to adultery. If you are not taken, then you cannot be adulterous.

My recommendation is to check out eharmony. You should find some men there who share your worldview (I'd stay away from most other dating sites). I think you should date, if you can. It's part of the maturation process. I didn't start dating until I was 26, and I think it made me naive about how relationships work and very insecure, which hurt the relationship in some ways. Though you'll find many men respectful of your worldview, and who even share it as I said, I think you'll be hard pressed to find many virgin men in your age group.

I'm not your minister, so I'm hesitant to say too much, but I don't think you should worry about masturbation since you're not attached to anyone. You can still be celibate until marriage. I admire you for the path you've chosen. Most of us aren't strong enough to travel it.

Good luck, and God bless.

Aaron

I'll throw in my two cents and try to make it short.

I was born and raised Lutheran. Still a believer in J-master C (haha sorry making fun of ghetto talk). However since I have gotten older I have really looked at the bible differently. Not as a "non" believer but as someone I believed mentioned before here...merely a guideline for morality. I say that too, because yes you do have to take into consideration when the bible was written, by whom, and the cultural norms of that time as well. Who was in power? MEN...who could write? The elite. What language was it written in..then rewritten in? Do words translate the same? Definitely not! Is the old testament even relevant to be in the bible since Jesus came? God did not write this down by his own hand, but gave his word and let man interpret it. Man is corruptible...look at the middle ages in Europe and the Catholic church was selling penances to go to heaven!

Anyways I look at it simply. Jesus was here to give us a message. It wasn't complex. I don't think the bible has direct Jesus quotes..I mean really...was there a recorder around to get an exact quote?
In a nutshell he says-----treat everyone like you would want to be treated. Be kind to all. Love all, despite the assholes they may be. Live your life in a manner that makes you and others around you happy. Do not do things that will hurt yourself or someone else.

Honestly a lot of so called "Christians" (AKA bible thumpers) really me off today. They go too far, and start to hate and JUDGE those who don't do what their interpretation of the bible says. Alas the assholes who protest gay marriage at soldiers funerals. Would Jesus do that? no! The Lord embraces all. And honestly I don't believe that he will send anyone to if they live by that simple message. Buttsex, premarital sex, blowjobs..who is it hurting?

Murder, rape, stealing, assaults, lies...now that is a different story.

All in all I don't believe you should base your virginity on what someone's INTERPRETATION of the bible is. And Lord knows it's been interpreted a lot of ways..even so far as to have a bunch of yokels drink poisoned KoolAid. So I think you, as an adult should make your decision based on YOU.

I don't think you should go just give it up no no no..You will know when you are ready, when you find someone you can trust enough with your heart. That is the main part here. Doing something that won't HURT you. Whether you are comfortable with having sex with man you aren't sure you will marry or you wait till you have a ring on your finger is up to you. I played this mental game with myself before. I waited till I was 24 to have sex...less than 2 years ago.

At this point it was a decision I made not because I really "loved" him. More to the fact I felt mentally ready to deal with any consequences. I was old enough and had money to deal with a pregnancy if, God forbid, I got pregnant. I was definitely horny as as I have been since I can remember. And as much as I thought when I was young that I would wait for "the one" it really wasn't a big deal for me. Do I regret it? No, maybe with him but alas it's not by any means effected my life negatively (again if you are ready and know you won't regret it). I said to myself, it's time, I want to do it for me.

Since then I have been with a handful of other men. Most of which have not been anything but casual sex. This would have grossed me out years before. But I guess I felt a surge of empowerment having control of my own body and not having to get emotionally involved. If you're having sex to please someone else and not you it's hurting YOU. I think that's why kids have sex so young and why they get so full of regret...or fall into negative relationships..etc. Personally I think it has made my current sex life better..by having experience and so much less shy about my body. In turn remember not to use the man for just sex either..they do have feelings too Only if he is ready (which most are).

Put it this way. If you are only having sex with someone because you think it will make them feel emotionally closer to you or that you will loose them then it's the wrong reason. If he can't wait till you are ready, then it's the best test...before I turned 24 that's how I weeded out so many guys. Eventually I broke up with them or they got impatient and broke up with me.

So that is my more than two cents I guess. But another perspective for you...I would hate to feel trapped as you do right now with such an inner struggle. Religion can be super powerful in a positive way, but also negative. You need to decide how believing in Jesus's teachings can help you live your life as you should..happy, and bringing happiness to others. Whatever you do in life just know that you should never feel miserable within your own beliefs.