Struggles of a single Christian virgin...

**WaitingPatiently** · 02-20-2011 12:37 AM

Hi! I am a late twenties Christian female who is a virgin. I made a vow at 16 to save myself for marriage. At the time, I never dreamed I would be this age and NOT married...oh well! I made the vow and will keep it....just hopefully it will not be too many more years before I get married and can finally make love with my husband.
I actually have never even had a boyfriend, or dated anyone for that matter...and yes that includes never even kissing a male. If you are shaking your head in disbelief, I promise my story is true! lol
I have had many male friends and do to this day, I just have never felt like God has said that He is ready for me to enter into a relationship with a male....I know, this is not normal behavior but just please hang with me! lol But this is not why I am here....to get advice on the dating part of the story (although, any comments I would love to hear!)....
My dilemma is being that I recently have discovered that I think I may have a high sex drive. Well, I am not having sex so why would I think this you may ask. I say this because I really like to masturbate, sometimes twice a day on days when I do it. Afterwards, I feel SO guilty for doing it but I just can't control myself and the urges that come are sooooooooooo strong. I recently was put on birth control for medical reasons and wonder if this may have increased the intensity of my hornyness. I don't stay horny all day every day, it is just that on the weekends when I am around the house I get these horny urges that come out of no where. And omg....before my period comes I just get the feeling to hump everything in sight, I feel like a dog or something....I hate it! Sometimes I don't even enjoy when I masturbate....it sometimes hurts my clitoris. But masturbation the only way I know to relieve the pressure in my vagina. I don't use vibrators or toys, just my fingers. I have never stuck anything inside me, besides my fingers, because I am scared of damaging myself somehow. I also want to remain as much of a virgin as I can, so to my thinking, using toys would devirginize me. I know that masturbation is completely sinful and I should NOT do it, but I am not strong enough to control these urges when they hit. I am ashamed of masturbating but I have to get out these frustrations some how....I know that this may make no sense whatsoever, but I would like your feedback on this situation.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read this!

**stressed** · 02-20-2011 12:48 AM

I respect your choice and vow, however, I don't clearly understand what you need an advice on?

First of all, masturbation is a natural response of your body. All humans have sexual urges and it's beyond our control. You should not feel guilty about it.

Secondly, when you gave that vow at 16, who did you give it to? I mean, did you pray, did you tell your parents, or did you give it to yourself? (it matters because it would change the vow's degree).

Finally, I suggest you consider starting a relationship with a man who understands and would appreciate your religious views. If you wait too long to become intimate with a man until you marry this feeling might become more intense and lead you into actions you normally would not do and do not approve of.

**stressed** · 02-20-2011 12:48 AM

(double post)

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2011 12:52 AM

Welcome to the Forum

Personally? I get where your coming from with regards to marriage, and your beliefs...But the problem is, the older you get, with no understanding of dating, never shared that soul connection ( not sex ) just togetherness, it will become harder and harder until your what they call an "old maid"...

I think you need to address this first and fore-most..You know what you are after ,as far as "no sex" goes, so no one can take that from you, be honest once you've dated, not on the first date, but once you've had a chance to get to know him and him you...Why? Because, you'll attract those that want to take it, or those whom have had their fair share and are not prepared to become celebrant. But, the right man will for someone he loves and he has to start to fall for you first, so see where he has to get to know you, date, a few months and discuss.

As for masturbation it's been mentioned alot her as far as the Bible goes, here is what I have found from a source that knows the Bible inside out..

The Scripture is strangely silent about this universal issue, while not shy about all sorts of other sexual situations and perversions... in great detail concerning sex with animals, etc. Yet the Bible says nothing about masturbation. This is odd, don't you think?
Some, mistakenly, cite Onan in Gen 38:9 as suggesting that masturbation is a sin. In fact, "onanism" has become a synonym for masturbation. But this is obviously an error, and a rather daft one at that. We know what Onan did, for it is spelled out for us in lurid detail; and we know why it was a sin: he was maliciously using and cheating Tamar in way that was wrong. In any case, what Onan was doing was certainly not masturbating, and you have to be pretty dimwitted to miss this.
In fact, there is no place in scripture where masturbation is even mentioned, much less forbidden.

I could not see that God would not give us a gift, being sexual drive, naturally to bare children, without expecting us to not find a way ourselves to relieve ourselves (if not in a relationship)...

Why are you ashamed to be human? To want what everyone has, but hold yourself pure?

CW

**WaitingPatiently** · 02-20-2011 12:56 AM

Thank you for reading Stressed!
I have never shared this "secret" part of my life with anyone so it is nice to finally have it open to discussion!
I made the vow to God that I would do my best to protect the gift of purity (my virginity) until I got married. I attended a True Love Waits Conference at my church and we were presented with the choice of taking the vow to abstain from sexual activity until marriage or to not take it. Looking back, I do not regret my decision, but I wonder if it may have impacted my way of thinking more than I have ever admitted to myself as far as dating goes...

**stressed** · 02-20-2011 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by WaitingPatiently

Looking back, I do not regret my decision, but I wonder if it may have impacted my way of thinking more than I have ever admitted to myself as far as dating goes...

If we assume that it has:

- What's the worst thing you believe is going to happen to you if you break this vow?

**WaitingPatiently** · 02-20-2011 01:12 AM

Thank you for reading Chandlers Wish and thank you for the welcome to the forum!

I do often wonder if I will be that "Old Maid" that sits on the porch with her cats, and to be honest, for me that is scary to live life all alone like that! But anyways....I like your point about once it is shared, the right man will take it with understanding and respect my decision. I think I may also be subconsciously thinking that I am too old and the opportunity has already passed me to ever be in a relationship. But hello I must tell myself! I am not even 30 yet, I am still young and have a very long life to live (Lord willing!).
And I do feel ashamed because I guess I feel I should be stronger and be able to fight off these incredibly strong urges by praying or reading my Bible...which a Godly single person would do. I guess I feel too like I have failed God for not being able to fight off these urges more than I do. I guess there are MUCH worse things to struggle with....drugs, alcohol, gambling.
There have been many guys that friends or family wanted to set me up with but I guess I have always felt that I am not good enough for them because most of them have been really Godly guys...who I know struggle with the same thing. I guess I should have been more open to some of those guys cause maybe right now I would not be sitting here single! lol

**WaitingPatiently** · 02-20-2011 01:14 AM

By breaking this vow of abstaining from sexual activity, I believe that I will have been unfaithful to my future husband. Also, my whole family knows that I have taken this vow so I want them to know that God enabled me to do this....it is not something that I did on my own. Is that what you were referring to?

**stressed** · 02-20-2011 01:27 AM

As I see it, you have two choices:

- You either keep the vow (which you gave at a very young age, you were practically a child then) and one day open up to a man with similar beliefs and views as yours.

- You discuss this with your family and tell them about your doubts and second thoughts. Your fears and worries. That despite your faith in God this vow leads you to a life you may not fully want. If they understand you then you can live your life without the burden of this vow on your shoulders and will be able to make your own choices based on your needs, not a vow you gave at 16.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2011 01:28 AM

I think I may also be subconsciously thinking that I am too old and the opportunity has already passed me to ever be in a relationship. But hello I must tell myself! I am not even 30 yet, I am still young and have a very long life to live (Lord willing!)

Well that's normal, that's fear...But, it's also fear of the un-known don't you think that's stopping you from dating, you think that they will laugh, walk away,and you'll be crushed?

What if they don't?

The man that loves you, re-read how it un-folds, "time", will be grateful that you chose to masturbate and not give in to your belief.

And, as I stated, you're taking this so literally, masturbation was never, ever ,listed in the Bible as a sin, your seeing masturbation whilst with a partner a sin.../.

Can you see that?

You're welcome for the welcome....

CW