Thread: I make my bf gag :(

Hey, I'm new to this site and feel kinda awkward posting this lol, but here goes...
My bf and I have been seeing each other for about 8 months and we're really happy together. We've talked a lot about sex and positions and such, as you do, and have (thankfully) found to be compatible in our likes and dislikes, all but one...
When we first started sleeping together he spent a lot of time on foreplay and went down on me once, I'd felt very self conscious about it with my ex but somehow felt so comfortable and safe with him that I could actually relax and enjoy it. Since then, however, he never attempted/suggested going down again. I like going down on him a lot because it feels so nice to please him, but didnt think much about the other way around until one night we tried a new position and he came before I did. He got quite upset at the time, saying he thought he'd failed me and such and of course I told him he hadn't and I was just glad he came, but I suggested if he really wanted to make me cum maybe he could go down on me. He seemed reluctant and instantly the old self-conscious feeling was back, but he went down and licked once then lifted his head slightly and just hovered over me for like a minute. I felt really confused, rejected and generally by this point and to my shame began to cry. He came up and cuddled me and said that it wasnt me, that it had been the same with his ex, that he wanted to do it but that something about going down makes him gag!
Now, I know what you might think but I swear I'm clean and shaved, and he said its nothing to do with taste or smell... but what else can it be?! Everyone says the "It's not you, it's me" thing is , but in every other way we please each other and he never stops telling me he loves me, but this little thing still makes me feel rejected and depressed!
I'd never leave him over something like this, as long as he's happy I'm happy. I just want to know if this is normal for some men or if, despite what he says, it really is me and I can do something about it.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading. Any advice is appreciated

Caregirl, in all honesty, some guys love to do it, and some guys can not stomach it. I know how self-conscious you can be, trust me, I was too. But, I seriously doubt it's anything having to do with you. If it truly grossed him out, he wouldn't be about to have intercourse with you all together. Some women have a natural strong scent. However, if you clean yourself daily, it will not be a nasty unclean scent.

Ack, that must not have felt very good hon, but you do need to understand it has NOTHING to do with you. Some men don't LOVE girl parts the way other men do... and I think it would take a really confident women... one that also happens to be not fond of oral sex anyway... to be able to be long term with a man that doesn't LOVE girl parts :P

If you feel sexually satisfied in other ways with him, if he makes you feel beautiful, special and loved... then maybe it won't matter so much that he's one of those guys that just isn't an oral guy.

I mean I hear all the time about girls that think going down on a guy is gross, won't do it, or do it with extreme and obvious disdain , so much so that the person they are going down on can't enjoy the experience anyway. Apparently some men are the same way.

I'm not the most confident person... but watching my man go between my legs with such excitement and enthusiasm makes me feel like my panties area is made of butter pecan icecream... and he's hungry I feel so beautiful and sexy when he's pleasuring me... and ... the intimacy of him kissing me there... is such a turn on and makes me feel so close to him.... I love all the various ways he does it, all the different sensations he can give me, etc.

I think it would be hard to be with a guy that doesn't LOVE the look , scent, taste of the very essence of our womanhood... but I would not advocate leaving a good man over this... nor would I ever advocate leaving a woman that doesn't like to go down. Love is more than sex and as long as he is showing you how much he loves you, is making an effort to please you in other ways... I think you could be just as happy without it.

But really, from the sound of everything you said, its not you... its more likely he has an aversion to the idea of oral sex more so than anything specifically related to your 'area' in particular... you could smother it in his favorite flavor and it wouldn't make a difference... either he's into or he's not... and it sounds like he isn't.

Some women cannot tolerate the taste/texture of semen and wont let a guy cum in their mouth for that reason... women generally are wet for the duration of oral sex and if a guy had issue with female sex juices in general, or the feel of a clit against his tongue...e tc, if things like that bothered him he probably would not be able to do it.

I think you just have to ask yourself, you know him best... if you think its possible he is just lazy/selfish lover... or if he has some genuine oral sex phobia, and if its the latter... it may always be that way... no matter what you do (waxing, shining, vajazzling, what have you).

Originally Posted by Caregirl

...he said its nothing to do with taste or smell... but what else can it be?!

It's not the taste or the smell, it's between his ears, and there's not a thing you can do about that. If you make him think that this is a really big deal, you run the risk of making him resent you. On the other hand, if you simply encourage him to try again sometime, perhaps he can work through whatever it is that's stopping him.
But it's not you, so don't be self-conscious.
- TR

Its not you. Just as there are some women who won't give oral, there are men who won't as well. Sad.

Any taste or smell is a turn on but alas it is always gone within one or two licks anyway. You have to just think he is a bit squeamish.
Having him do it when he is post orgasm is a mistake. If you are interested in training him over his problems then wait till he is super horny and just get him to kiss it- eventually he might come around but it could take a while.

I know this might sound kinda silly but pherhaps he feels its hard to breath while down there, have you tried in different positions?

Also can I just swap you guys as in my relationship I am the one not so keen on that. LOL

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

watching my man go between my legs with such excitement and enthusiasm makes me feel like my panties area is made of butter pecan icecream... and he's hungry

haha, *jealous* :P

Thank you guys for your advice, feel so much better I dont need him to go down to make me happy (/satisfied) It's just good to know that I'm not that repulsive to him :s

As to trying it in other positions or suggesting it before sex; I think I'll leave it up to him whether he tries again, I dont want to nag and make him think I'm forcing him etc. but I'll remember what you said IF he does :P Thank you

If you are laying flat on your back and your man tries to go down on you in that position it can be challenging to say the least. The angle is hard on the guy's neck (gets sore quickly) and the ability to stay there and breath easily is complicated (due to the angle). So sometime, as a part fo your foreplay, put some pillows under your butt and/or lower back to raise that area up and ask him to kiss/nuzzle the insides of your thighs.

A lot of women are sensitive on the inside of their thighs and where he ends up may surprise you. You can also lay on your stomach and have him kiss his way up from the backs of your knees to your butt. Keep your legs spread and again, you may be surprised to find where he ends up.

Making access to that special area as easy as you can for him will help you realize your desired result.

I for one am a HUGE fan of giving my partner oral and it is probably one of the things I enjoy the most...way ahead of receiving oral BTW, so I may be a bit biased towards it.

I'm sure that there are men out there who find it less than desirable. I tend to believe that with some patience and minor effort on your part, you just might be able to turn this guy around.