Would you encourage a man to buy his wife a vibrator?

**Tod121** · 02-22-2011 07:42 AM

Would you encourage a man to buy his wife a vibrator?
I ask because of mixed feelings about this. My wife and I are both 40, enjoy sex but it only happens about once or twice every 6 weeks or so. Sex often involves a bit of masturbation mainly by my wife and she on occasion sends me rauchy text messages telling me 1 way or another that she is having fun on her own, which in itself makes me feel both aroused and also bothered that she is "taking things into her own hands".
The thought of my wife with a vibrator is amazing but I would worry that I would end up taking a back seat and end up having sex less often. Do you think a dildo or vibrator would improve or worsen our sexual relationship?

**rcoreyus** · 02-22-2011 08:28 AM

I wouldn't. I did this and a mediocre sex life became even worse. She uses the vibrator to orgasm quickly and spends even less time with me. I think sex toys are a great addition to a good sex life, but may make a bad one even worse.

**LanaBear** · 02-22-2011 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I wouldn't. I did this and a mediocre sex life became even worse. She uses the vibrator to orgasm quickly and spends even less time with me. I think sex toys are a great addition to a good sex life, but may make a bad one even worse.

I completely agree with RC.

If you had a great sex life and wanted to experiment with some toys, that is one thing. However, if you already hate the thought of her taking things into her own hands and your sex life already leaves little to be desired, I wouldn't do it. I can't imagine that it would help the situation at all.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-22-2011 02:38 PM

Your wife text messages you whilst masterbating knowing your reaction which turns her on and helps her complete the ending and she masterbates as well when you do have sex.

Chances are she has her own vibrator already in my opinion.

Why not ask her to text you "tomorrow at lunch time" don't answer why, and arrange to be at the front door, when she does and take her, Or, put her hand on her arm and lift it up, slowly pushing her against the wall, kiss her, when you get home, maybe she enjoys a little excitement and maybe that's all that is missing in order to have more sex with her.

**Tod121** · 02-23-2011 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by LanaBear

I completely agree with RC.

If you had a great sex life and wanted to experiment with some toys, that is one thing. However, if you already hate the thought of her taking things into her own hands and your sex life already leaves little to be desired, I wouldn't do it. I can't imagine that it would help the situation at all.

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Fair enough, I read an article once where this women was saying she had lost interest in sex, then she remembered how much she enjoyed masturbating before she met her boyfriend. She bought herself a toy which rekindled her interest and her and her partner then found sex was great again.

**pretzel** · 02-23-2011 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by Tod121

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Fair enough, I read an article once where this women was saying she had lost interest in sex, then she remembered how much she enjoyed masturbating before she met her boyfriend. She bought herself a toy which rekindled her interest and her and her partner then found sex was great again.

I think I could understand where that point could come from, however I think we both know that for every story like the one you mentioned, you'd be able to find stories similar to the positions of some of the posters already. It's a matter of finding what you want to believe to support your view.

Personally, I'd try a different route. I'd find a way to get her to try and think about those feelings she had had before when both of you were working on not only enjoying your own feelings of how sex and intimacy feel but also the pleasure you've gotten when you know that it is your partner who is making those feelings pleasurable. That's one of the biggest parts of intimacy, not sex.

**LanaBear** · 02-23-2011 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by Tod121

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Fair enough, I read an article once where this women was saying she had lost interest in sex, then she remembered how much she enjoyed masturbating before she met her boyfriend. She bought herself a toy which rekindled her interest and her and her partner then found sex was great again.

I do agree with this, heck, I probably could have written the article myself, as I have a similar story posted on this site. HOWEVER... I bought myself the vibrator because I knew there was a problem with my sex drive and I wanted to correct without any pushing or expectations from my husband. If my husband would have bought me the vibrator, one of two things would have happened. I would have shoved it down his throat or I would have secretly used it and pleasured myself with no need from him.

Like I said, I knew there was a problem with my sex drive, we had many many heated arguments about my lack of a sex drive. However, it is something I had to come to terms with myself. She has to want to be able to fix it. You can't fix it for her. If he walked in with a vibrator one evening and said here, I hope this helps you with your sex drive, at the time I would have been hurt and very pissed off. It wouldn't have gone over well. If he walked in with a new toy now, I'd grab him by the hand and race him upstairs to see who could get naked first.

**pretzel** · 02-23-2011 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by LanaBear

I do agree with this, heck, I probably could have written the article myself, as I have a similar story posted on this site. HOWEVER... I bought myself the vibrator because I knew there was a problem with my sex drive and I wanted to correct without any pushing or expectations from my husband. If my husband would have bought me the vibrator, one of two things would have happened. I would have shoved it down his throat or I would have secretly used it and pleasured myself with no need from him.

Like I said, I knew there was a problem with my sex drive, we had many many heated arguments about my lack of a sex drive. However, it is something I had to come to terms with myself. She has to want to be able to fix it. You can't fix it for her. If he walked in with a vibrator one evening and said here, I hope this helps you with your sex drive, at the time I would have been hurt and very pissed off. It wouldn't have gone over well. If he walked in with a new toy now, I'd grab him by the hand and race him upstairs to see who could get naked first.

LB, one big difference is that you, yourself recognized the importance of a good, healthy sex life to a relationship. I'm afraid that many times, self recognizition of a problem doesn't happen.

**LanaBear** · 02-23-2011 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by pretzel

LB, one big difference is that you, yourself recognized the importance of a good, healthy sex life to a relationship. I'm afraid that many times, self recognizition of a problem doesn't happen.

That's exactly right. I eventually realized that this was my problem and nobody could help me but myself. I realize how hypocritical my two posts seem against each other. I can't really explain it but it all depends on the person and the personal circumstances. I don't think it is a good idea for a husband who already feels their sex life sucks to offer up a vibrator to his wife. If the woman, trying to figure out where her interest in sex went and wants to go on a trip self exploration to try to improve things buys a vibrator for herself, with the intention of making their sex life better, than sure. That was my intention and I bought it myself. The article he read, makes it sound like this was also the intention of the woman in the article. She bought it for herself with the idea of "finding" herself again to make things better for the both of them.

Some woman, as well as men, are selfish. Buying a vibrator isn't going to fix selfishness.

**oxy-moron** · 02-23-2011 03:40 PM

I think WC is probably correct- she may well have one and possible using more that you think.
Ask her to involve you more in her sessions. As a spectator/ cheerleader. Good luck