Girlfriend is a virgin and is afraid?

**ttt777tttttt** · 02-22-2011 11:45 AM

My girlfriend is a virgin, I am not. We are both 24 years old. She is ready to have sex, but is afraid of the pain. Every-time I am about to enter her she makes me stop because she says it hurts too much. It's a real mood killer for both of us when she wants to stop, as you can imagine. I am only able to get little bit inside her and it is very tight. She is a small/petite person, and I am average size.

We have been dating for almost a year and are very comfortable with each other. We have been trying for a long time. I do not want to hurt her, and I am going very slow. I try to comfort her and make sure she is not embarrassed or nervous as much as possible. I am a patient person, I love her, and I am not trying to rush her into doing this. She knows that.

Part of me wants to just keep going -- to not stop when she says stop. I know once she is over the initial part it will be fine. But I really do not want to hurt her.

Any suggestions on how to make things better?

**LanaBear** · 02-22-2011 01:01 PM

Whatever you do, do not keep going if that is not what she is wanting. If she has tensed up because of the pain, continuing to penetrate her will hurt IMMENSELY as well as break any trust that she has in you.

Even though it is a mood killer when she says to stop, that doesn't mean that you both should just shut down, get dressed and go about your days. Why not continue with foreplay again or some more, get each other worked up again and then retry.

Also, are you always on top? If so, maybe let her try being on top. Not really conventional for a woman's first time, but if you have been trying and you have the comfort level with each other, this will give her a sense of having more control over the penetration and maybe give her some extra comfort by being able to be the one to control the penetration.

Just a thought.

Also, are you using lube? Even though she may be highly aroused, for the first time, extra lube is a definite plus.

**kristalyn_04** · 02-22-2011 01:18 PM

If she is scared and tensing up, her pelvic muscles will clench and it will be harder to penetrate and can hurt her. Can you try getting her to orgasm manually or orally before trying intercourse? This will get her more relaxed and some changes will actually take place in and around the vagina that will allow you to penetrate easier. Also, as Lana said, lots of lube and lots of foreplay.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-22-2011 04:18 PM

Yeah.....man to man.....BE MORE PATIENT !!

Along with her wedding day and child birth, this is probably one of the biggest days in her entire life....If not the biggest day!! So DON'T mess it up by even thinking about continuing when she says stop. Stop means no.

You have the opportunity to be a REAL HERO, so do what the ladies above have said.

Me personally, as an enthusiast of giving my partner oral, I'd introduce her to the pleasures of oral, over and over, as part of getting her to relax and in the proper mind set for wanting to proceed.

Patience is a virtue...and an enormous quality that you can further develop and use throughout your life.

I wish you additional patience my friend.

**demotivator** · 02-23-2011 01:00 AM

Patience. Yeah. Time doesn't solve problems. She obviously has one.
ttt777tttttt, you guys shouldn't put virginity up on a pedestal. Have a laugh, drink some good wine, fool around. It's just first sex, not some religious sacrifice. You don't know how to do it right with each other so you might as well have a test run. If you take it seriously, it will suck. Sex is supposed to be fun.

**Caregirl** · 02-23-2011 03:56 AM

Originally Posted by demotivator

It's just first sex, not some religious sacrifice.

Maybe not religious but most girls see it as a sacrifice. She doesnt have a problem other than her age; most girls' hymens are broken at a younger age when they're still quite soft, it's natural for her to worry about it hurting more at her age.

**demotivator** · 02-23-2011 12:19 PM

Oh, please. If a girl wants to do it, she does it. Pain is just a little inconvenience. Her issues must be set deeply, which is fine. The biggest problem is that she is avoiding them. 24 years old virgin who is not religous and not waiting for Mr. Right. She is clearly afraid of something. Pain is just the easy way to back out.

**WildChild** · 02-23-2011 01:48 PM

Get her super aroused, touching and caressing her entire body, not just her genitals. Don't bring her to orgasm. Peak her to the edge and then back off and move to touching and caressing some other part of her body, then bring her back up to the edge and back off again. Get her to the point of being ready to clobber you if she doesn't orgasm. Then move to pentration. At that point she should be very wet, very engorged and very ready, it may not even hurt.

**user1234** · 03-05-2011 03:45 PM

First time is really painful. It is not just physical but shameful. Be patient with her.

**WildChild** · 03-05-2011 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by user1234

First time is really painful. It is not just physical but shameful.

No, No, No
The first time isn't always painful and not always really painful. Some women have no pain at all, others a little, while still others do find it very painful. Thinking it will be painful will greatly increase the likelihood that it will be more painful. The more relaxed a woman is, the better the experience will be.

There is NOTHING shameful about sex so long as it is fully consentual. Period.