My Husband wants anal sex. I hate the thought.

**tracyont** · 02-24-2011 06:51 PM

First of all, I have done it. I HATE IT!! Some will say that my vagina must not be tight enough. Maybe after giving him two children, it's not, but he's not the same as he was 4 years ago either. His sexual desires scare me. I don't want to feel degraded that way. He's always asking for it. He tells me I don't love him if I won't do it. Like I don't show him appreciation for the things he does for me. I don't want it. Plain and simple. I don't know what to do. I do love him and appreciate what he sacrifices for our family. I just don't think I should feel pressured to give him something that makes me feel dirty and wrong. Help please.

**LanaBear** · 02-24-2011 07:01 PM

No means no... You should never feel guilted into doing something you have no desire to do. The fact that he is taking it to the point of telling you that you don't love him if you don't do it is selfish and wrong, IMO.

This is one instance where, if I were you, I'd ask him if he would be willing to try it first. Give him something to think about.

I enjoy it, but it wasn't always that way. He should respect you for who you are and respect that you just don't feel comfortable doing it.

Unfortunately, I wish we could give you more help, but other than everyone telling you to talk to him and tell him how you feel about it (which I'm assuming and hope that you already have), there isn't much we can do.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-24-2011 07:05 PM

What about him "not loving you" or at least "not respecting you" by making such a request?

I'm with LanaBear, I don't know what else to say...except that I think he's being awfully selfish.

**tracyont** · 02-24-2011 07:47 PM

Thank you ladies. I have told him how I feel about it. I don't want to end my marriage, because in most aspects, he's great. Great provider, great father, just a cruddy hubby sometimes.

**WildChild** · 02-24-2011 08:34 PM

Next time he asks for anal say, "You know I'm not into it but if you buy me a strap on, I guess I could do you."

**rcoreyus** · 02-24-2011 11:06 PM

How is the rest of your sex life? You've said his sexual desires scare you - what sort of other things does he want? Does he do everything you ask for in bed? Are you happy to do most of the things he wants and anal is an exception, or are there lots of things he wants that you don't want to do.

How is the rest of your relationship - do you feel loved? does he? Most importantly, are you happy?

I'm asking to try to get a better sense of the relationship. Is the problem specifically anal sex, or is this just the the tip of the iceberg for a whole range of problems? Depending on the situation, I'd give different advice. If the relationship were great in every other way, and the problem were that you thought anal was "dirty", not that it was painful, I might suggest you give it a try. If this is just one example of a whole list of things he wants that you don't like to do, then there is a bigger sexual incompatibility issue. If the relationship is completely unbalanced - you are always doing things for him (sexual and otherwise), and he doesn't do things for you - then you should reconsider living with such a selfish and uncaring person.

There are a lot of people who will make an absolute "if you don't want to do something, don't", but I think that can be moderated a bit. If what is being asked isn't painful or really degrading an abnormal, then if everything else is OK in a relationship, it may be worth doing something you don't like to fulfil your partner's fantasies. From your wording though, I don't think that is the case here.

**isobutano2001** · 04-05-2012 08:26 AM

Try again...

Anal sex may be really good if done with relax, a good lube and, why not, condom to avoid hygiene problems.
Your husband can use a lube tested for condoms to avoid breaks and you can see if this kind of sex is better now. You can touch yourself while your husband is in your back, so you can feel more pleasure sensations.
My wife didn'want to do anal sex, now she likes it.
Live your sexual life in relax and in complete partnership with your husband, ask him to realize your fantasies and do everything you like without minding of people. You have only one life and keep all pleasure you can, now...

Originally Posted by tracyont

First of all, I have done it. I HATE IT!! Some will say that my vagina must not be tight enough. Maybe after giving him two children, it's not, but he's not the same as he was 4 years ago either. His sexual desires scare me. I don't want to feel degraded that way. He's always asking for it. He tells me I don't love him if I won't do it. Like I don't show him appreciation for the things he does for me. I don't want it. Plain and simple. I don't know what to do. I do love him and appreciate what he sacrifices for our family. I just don't think I should feel pressured to give him something that makes me feel dirty and wrong. Help please.

**LilahX** · 04-13-2012 04:15 AM

You most definitely shouldn't be pressued into doing anything you dont want to, but for a healthy r/ship there needs to be open and honest discussion about sexual issues without judgement. The fact that you feel scared about his sexual desires screams for discussion and probably introspection to find what you fear. I have to say I don't understand the whole 'it's degrading' thing. If there is true and honest love then how can there be degradation in anything you do? Is it social conditioning that has you thinking anal sex is bad? It's extermely common these days among couples. Yes, it takes time (and lots of lube) to get used to it but it can be incredibly arousing and pleasurable.

HOpefully you and your man can have many good discussions about this and other sexual issues and grow in your understanding of each other even more - always a good thing.

**MarriedWoman26** · 04-18-2012 09:51 AM

I was like that at first i didnt want to do it at all but barely last year we started doing it and now it feels great you just have to learn to relax and go with the flow.

**Tahoe** · 04-19-2012 02:06 PM

I have a hard time understanding why any type of sex, with the one you love, makes you feel "dirty". Is it because they do it in porn movies, therefore it's "dirty" or something like that. If you enjoy it with you husband/wife doesn't that just count as love between the two of you. I have that problem with my wife and this issue too. Just curious. I'm not questioning the no I don't want to issue. Yes you have the right by all means to say no. I guess why feel dirty and why not try it.