Frustrated & at a loss

**Becky9** · 02-26-2011 11:28 AM

My boyfriend and I live together, and have been going strong for almost 2 years now. We're absolutely in love and know we're it for each other...but our sex life is awful. Just terrible.

At the start, it was not bad - maybe 20 minutes plus all the foreplay to begin with (nevermind the fact that I never orgasm'd then either - I don't seem to be able to have an orgasm through intercourse). Not to mention probably once in the afternoon, and once at night 4 out of 7 nights. It was great, then before there was even talk of moving in together..he just lost it. Sex now lasts approx 5 minutes from start to finish (for him anyway), it consists of 3 of the same old positions (missionary, me on top, and from behind), and it leaves me nothing but pissed off every time since he's done, I'm barely getting going, I'm not even close to satisfied and he says he doesn't feel like man, so that's completely killed it. Any time we do have sex, in an attempt to make it last longer, he thinks about other things and is a million miles away.

As time went on, we had sex maybe 3 times a week, then only on weekends, then once a month...now we're at a 2 month dry spell, and I don't even try to initiate anything, he doesn't either...and I just masturbate when he's not around.

We've tried different things in bed to make him last longer; talking about it as we go (but this kills it for me), breathing more slowly, stop and start, rings, desensitizers....and nothing helps. We've even resorted to going to the dr to ask for something to help (but the dr just said practice makes perfect). Part of the problem is that before we were together, he never had this problem with any other girl. Is it me? I love him with everything I have, but I am just so unsatisfied that I don't even bother to try and kiss him anymore.

Where do I go now?

**jns** · 02-26-2011 12:03 PM

Can your bf bring you to orgasm using his hands or orally? Do you want him to? Does he know to concentrate on the clitoris?

**Becky9** · 02-26-2011 12:17 PM

In all the time we've been together, I think he's given me an orgasm once through oral. He does try to concentrate on the clit, but it just hurts like the way he does it, and I've tried to show him several times how to do it - and he just doesn't do it that way.

In the beginning, I did want this all to happen....but now, I'm just at a point where I don't want to be touched anymore when it does happen, and I feel like whatever effort was put in to sex, is 10 minutes I could've spent sleeping. I hate being that person.

**jns** · 02-26-2011 12:31 PM

He is probably being too rough on the clitoris and it is sticking out from under it's hood allowing him at it's most sensitive areas. Maybe he should learn to bring you to climax using his hands. If he does he should be stimulating through the hood, slightly away from the end. Then with oral, he should do much the same.

It sounds like he is too busy to be bothered with sex. Is something, like porn, distracting him?

**Becky9** · 02-26-2011 12:42 PM

When we started having this problem a few months ago, we took 2 trips - one to Vegas, and one to Jamaica - we never had sex in Vegas, and only once in Jamaica, both times when we got back I had to work the next day at a part time job, and as soon as I left, he was looking at porn on his phone - I found out because I figured he had, looked through the history and there it was. I felt really bad and told him about it. Ever since, I've never looked through his phone, but it wouldn't surprise me if he still is watching it. He claims he just watches it for something to watch, but that it doesn't turn him on (not too sure if I believe that or not).

It could be a number of things I guess - he's overweight, he's currently laid off (going back in April) so I've been making most of the payments, and he knows I'm not happy with it - maybe it's just too much pressure for him?

**Becky9** · 02-26-2011 12:52 PM

I should've worded that better - it's not that I'm not happy with the payments - I don't mind that, if the situation was reversed he would do the same thing. I just meant that I'm not happy sexually. Right now, I feel very starved. Is there anything else a person can do to help him last longer? He says it's because he cares about me so much, and wants me to feel good, that he thinks about it too much and gets so nervous that it's even worse.

Sorry - I realize it sounds like there are a lot of components to this.

**BettyCrocker** · 02-26-2011 01:17 PM

Well this looks like a job for the adult store! Well aside that it does sound like he may be lacking some self confidence do to his unemployment too...which can really effect men emotionally (they won't admit it though).

As for lasting longer that is a tricky one cause it all depends on him. There are pills you can try at the adult store, or else use condoms to reduce sensitivity. Try new lubes perhaps. Now why I mention the adult store is because of you! I can't have a penetration orgasm..or I haven't yet. Solved that problem by buying the little clit vibrators. They are small but all you have to do is keep your clit stimulated during intercourse and keep your mind focused and bam...you'll be howling like a dog in heat haha. Well I suggest trying it out by yourself solo first to get to know where you need it to be at..then bring it into sex. And who knows that orgasm may really get him excited again. Remind him it's not easy for women to orgasm..especially via penetration only so he doesn't get the wrong idea.

Another suggestion is to spice things up would be to watch porn together. I know it sounds gross...but actually I never thought I'd use a toy or watch porn with my man but I guess he brought the kinky out of me. I know a lot of women think porn is evil or cheating but it's not. Some is cheesy, some is nasty, but there's a variety. Guys love it when they can watch porn with their girls. Trust me I hear guys complain about it at work when their wives get poopy pants about porno. Personally there is no porno I have found that I love haha but I will watch it in search of the almighty turn on. I think women need that foreplay and build up to sex..where men don't. I notice that the porns exclude a lot of that! It's the initial contact and then suddenly their screwing! lol

So yeah you may have to go outside your comfort zone but it's not so bad. If you do it together you can both see positions or fantasies you may wanna try.