frustrated...

**scramble** · 03-03-2011 08:42 AM

I've been with my first serious boyfriend for about 9 months now... and I just keep getting frustrated every time we have sexual acts (intercourse, oral, etc). I still haven't gotten to a point of orgasm yet...

with intercourse, it's not like sex just lasts 3 minutes or that I'm not in the mood, but intercourse alone doesn't seem to do much for me... I do get ~70% there, but never all the way...

when it comes to oral sex, that's just not been getting me anywhere at all... and I'm not sure why that is

And my boyfriend seems to "give up" in like 10 minutes time when he sees that I'm not really getting aroused any further, and then I just get peeved because I kinda got in the mood from the foreplay and then flop...

for the record, when I'm masturbating (but not vaginally), I have no problem orgasming... I know what makes me get there, but I just don't know how to convey it to my boyfriend

I'm generally not a person who talks about sex a whole lot, nor do I feel totally comfortable verbalizing when it comes to things like this... but this is just getting too frustrating for me!!! I don't know what to do :-/

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-03-2011 09:05 AM

Relax....

The "pressure" to perform can quickly and easily drive your experiences into a ditch.

...but I just don't know how to convey it to my boyfriend" What have you tried? Telling him? Showing him? Putting his hand on top of yours and demonstrating to him? If you're not a talker, you need to learn to become one. How else is he going to learn/know anything if you don't talk to him about it?

If you can share your body with this man, you ought to be able to talk about anything with him too.

Many women in here will tell you that vaginal orgasms are much more difficult, if not impossible, to obtain versus clitoral orgasms. Most of your "vaginal" sensitivity is just inside your vaginal opening anyway. How about the stimulation of your G-spot? Anything?

There is a great "books on sex" thread in here with many good books on the subject. So you may want to search for it. Regardless, let me recommend one for him, that I own, and have read so much the pages are practically dog eared...She Comes First by Ian Kerner Ph.D

I have found it to be very helpful and would recommend it for any man who wants to become a better lover....

One more thing...Men don't do or get hints...at all. So, if you want us to see a line, put the dots real close together. In other words, be direct.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-03-2011 09:58 AM

You could masturbate during sex with him... when he is behind you, when you are on top, and even when he is on top. This way you will get there... he can see how you are getting there... AND you can orgasm while he's inside of you which is a huge step forward in your satisfaction level

My boyfriend makes me orgasm from oral sex and fingering and he makes me orgasm with his penis alone since I am able to have gspot orgasms without much clitoral stimulation, or none at all even sometimes. But even still sometimes I will touch myself during sex if i am extra horny or just so excited that i want to 'rush' my orgasm.

I don't think your guy would mind at all if you offered an assist during the act, it may even be exciting for him to watch you, and he could see more of what it takes to get you off.

**WildChild** · 03-03-2011 10:05 AM

Think of it this way, if you have an itchy spot right in the middle of your back, that you just can't reach, do you have any problem asking him to scratch your back for you?

I bet you don't.

You can stand there and say, "Up a little. More to the right. Not quite that high, down a little. Just a little harder. Ooo, not that hard. Ohhh, that's perfect. Thank you."

And your guy does just fine with that, doesn't he?

But we all seem to be challenged with doing the same for our our own sexual pleasure. Really it shouldn't be much different and is so much more important! Seeker is right, hinting won't get you there. And HD is right that a little more assistance wouldn't go amiss.

**rcoreyus** · 03-03-2011 10:20 AM

If he is stopping during oral after a while, maybe he doesn't realize that what he is doing is working for you, that it just takes longer. Also his tongue may get tired - maybe he can to something else early on, and save oral for when you are already aroused.

**jessgomez28** · 03-03-2011 12:22 PM

Don't feel bad its hard for me to have an orgasim just with sex. i have to really concentrate. but lately it's been a little easier. We've switched up our positions. Have ya'll tried changing it up a bit?? but when he performs oral while fingering omg that is a quick orgasm for me