frustrated with my sex life

**Me657** · 03-03-2011 08:02 PM

at first my boyfriend and i were friends hooking up but i always wanted to be with him. The sex was always amazing and still is when we have it. now that we are finally together... 6 months today... we don't have sex often (about once a week) and when we do its very short. i know hes not a 5 min man, in fact hes always been a 2 hour man.
he quit drinking recently and now sex is far from important to him, but its very important to me.
i have tried to give more blow jobs (twice a week) in hopes that maybe it will build his tolerance and he can last longer, but NOTHING works.
i have talked to him numberous times and told him in not happy and maybe we can work on it. He tells me hes just in a werid mental transition phase (we just moved across country last week, and he quit drinking, and im unemployed) and that i need to give him a little time and it will all work out.
every time we do have sex its usually randomly in the middle of the night so its never a long session.
I just need a release its been about 2 months now and I want him. Im not the type to masturbate. It just doesn't do it for me. I have always been the type of girl to wear something sexy or try to initiate it but hes usually denies me, therefore i do not want to try.
Im REALLY SCARED of him denying me because it makes me extremely angry and then i start to feel that maybe he doesn't want me anymore.
Every other part of our relationship is really great. We are the best of friends, we hold each other all night every night and I know he loves me....
WHAT DO I DO??? im feeling really alone and its driving me nut...

**WildChild** · 03-03-2011 10:35 PM

Talk to him.
YOU can't change his responses or what he does, you can only change your responses.
Even if he doesn't feel in the mood for intercourse he could still pleasure you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-04-2011 03:13 AM

Originally Posted by Me657

at first my boyfriend and i were friends hooking up but i always wanted to be with him. The sex was always amazing and still is when we have it. now that we are finally together... 6 months today... we don't have sex often (about once a week) and when we do its very short. i know hes not a 5 min man, in fact hes always been a 2 hour man.
he quit drinking recently and now sex is far from important to him, but its very important to me.
i have tried to give more blow jobs (twice a week) in hopes that maybe it will build his tolerance and he can last longer, but NOTHING works.
i have talked to him numberous times and told him in not happy and maybe we can work on it. He tells me hes just in a werid mental transition phase (we just moved across country last week, and he quit drinking, and im unemployed) and that i need to give him a little time and it will all work out.
every time we do have sex its usually randomly in the middle of the night so its never a long session.
I just need a release its been about 2 months now and I want him. Im not the type to masturbate. It just doesn't do it for me. I have always been the type of girl to wear something sexy or try to initiate it but hes usually denies me, therefore i do not want to try.
Im REALLY SCARED of him denying me because it makes me extremely angry and then i start to feel that maybe he doesn't want me anymore.
Every other part of our relationship is really great. We are the best of friends, we hold each other all night every night and I know he loves me....
WHAT DO I DO??? im feeling really alone and its driving me nut...

He has decided alcohol, rightly so is not the key to live life...but in some people alcohol hightens, others the opposite, for him he was an eveready battery, now 5 min man...

That can esculate and foreplay for both can off course take the time longer...

Your focusing on having what you had, without understanding, and telling him you are not happy, you want the 2hr man, off course he is defending and knows that he is disappointing you but it's reality..

Is your relationship based on chemistry?

Or do you love him? When you met it was based on chemistry...Perhaps he doesn't need the drink anymore, perhaps he fell in love...

If you love him, understand the alcohol has gone he is him, he loves you, no person will admit that they are not good enough anymore,

I have talked have talked to him numberous times and told him in not happy and maybe we can work on itV to him numberous times and told him in not happy and maybe we can work on

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-04-2011 06:11 AM

You said something in your post that caught my eye... "i have talked to him numberous times and told him" I took this to mean that you were talking AT him and not WITH him. Almost like you were scolding him.

I'd be willing to bet that the first time this occurred, and every time since, he hit the "mental off" switch and tuned you out. You need to talk WITH him about it, not AT him about it. There is a HUGE difference.

**Jimbeau** · 03-04-2011 06:31 AM

Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. You really want to invest all that time and effort in this one? Believe me, he's not going to change for the better and what you see now is what you're probably going to get from here on.

**Me657** · 03-04-2011 07:22 AM

Thank you for your replies.
He is not the kind of guy that wants to have a conversation. He always listens and takes in what im saying but he doesn't want to have a conversation about anything deep. It makes him uncomfortable and its not just the sex topic. Its any kind of intimate topic. We still have amazing chemistry and he did fall in love with me, like I did with him. I love the man with out the drinking, just want a better sex life.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-04-2011 08:42 AM

"...doesn't want to have a conversation about anything deep". Again, your words say a lot to me. "Anything" deep? There are so many things in life that can and do occur that are "deep" (Marriage, childbirth, religion, in-laws, education, aging parents, serious illness, unforseen illness, tragedy, etc.).

Life is full of "deep" issues and he doesn't like to talk about any of them? That would cause me some concern, but that's just me and my opinion.

In defense of my friend Jimbeau...I believe what was meant by his "drop 180 lbs." statement was to drop your BF (average weight for a man is about 180) and not meant that you needed to drop any weight.

Most of the men in here recognize that this is a forum for women, about women and by women (for the most part) and WE are very respectful of that...as we should be.

**oxy-moron** · 03-04-2011 12:15 PM

Hi
When he was consuming alcohol- his oxytocin levels would have been reduced.
The effect of Alcohol on Oxytocin has been heavily studied because of its effect on lactation.
Alcohol will also sedate - making the whole deal slow down.
Oxytocin fires the Orgasm process in males and females- now you are living together and cuddling it will boost his Oxytocin levels and make him go off quite quickly.
Good news is that it will have a similar effect on you.
To allow for the change you will probably benefit from a change in lovemaking.
Change the lovemaking to slow with lots of back, leg and bottom massage at the beginning. More foreplay.
BJs will be counter productive.
There is also Pelvic floor exercise for him( muscles for stopping the flow of urination as per female)
If he gets these strong he can clamp down on his Orgasm. He will still have the feeling of Ejaculation but no semen will come out. He will be able to stay hard for another 20-30 mins and come again if he is young enough. Good luck.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-05-2011 02:52 AM

Me6...

Your response is he doesn't communicate...

Yet he's now a 5 minute man from giving up alcohol who was that for? Why did he give up?

If you love him isn't it great he's stopped drinking? And if that makes him cum quicker for now is that a problem really? Is health more important to the one you love in life?

Seeker asked a question you didn't answer so did I...have a look.

For the record, the more you demand, put down a person the worse they get...If you feel he can't communicate you need to honestly, honestly view how you approach things, if they are accusations, I want, I need, I'm frustrated, you aren't the same, then it's only going to get worse and you are the one not communicating you are telling ,as Seeker pointed out...

It's hard to see or want to see if it turns out that maybe you have a part in this in the blame game.

And lastly , we have a lot of men here, read our FAQ rules, we don't descriminate and actually they are excellent value in guiding us as much as we do to them, ...they are this Forum's added rock...

Having said that, the response you got from one of our member's was not called for, not acceptable, rude, and if done again, he will get a very sturn warning, edited and your reply deleted.

CW