My boss is making passes at me.

**London09** · 03-05-2011 08:49 PM

I love my job. Have been there for 8 years.
My boss is a bit of a dog, no no let me rephrase that he is a male .
He cheated on his wife, he cheated on his mistress with his girlfriends all at the same time.
He likes thin women. I am short and a buxom slightly overweight 52 year old. I have a belly. And a pretty face, regardless I am clearly not his type.
Yet now he is hugging me when we are alone in the office.
Last time we were alone he hugged me and started to grind his hips into mine, I stood there frozen, I thought he would kiss me.
I am very frightened and intimated by this incredibly intelligent, powerful and wealthy man. He plays by his own rules. Is powerful and rich enough to make them happen.
I am not deluding myself in thinking he suddenly finds me attractive, he just wants me because I am there. He likes to have sex after hours and I am the only female in the office at that time.
Am I looking for a new job, yes, will it be hard to find the same pay and some of the perks I have yes.
I cannot have sex with him. I guess if I was more practical I could and take advantage of the situation. I am married but am not close to my husband. But I am just not attracted to him, am afraid of him and at 52 I am not that type of person. I have some morals and sleeping with him is suicide, I need my job.
Ok guys, some advice please. Sometimes I have to stay late with him.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-05-2011 09:34 PM

Got anything you can document? Own a microcassette recorder? They're about $20 at any retail store. Yes, I'm being serious..... Buy one and a three pack of tapes (the 90 minute kind) then put it in your purse, on the outside pocket, hidden from view, and turn it on each evening when you become the last female in the office at that time. It will run for 45 minutes. The microphones are pretty good at picking up conversation or whatever else might go on...

Does he own the company where you work? So he is the ONLY boss? Or does he have a boss too?

Has he ever sent you anything inappropriate via text or e-mail? print it and keep it, someplace safe.

Document, document, document....each time he does or says something inappropriate, right it down in a journal of sorts...date, time, location, who said or did what? Make "journal entries" a part of your routine, if necessary.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-06-2011 12:02 AM

I think you may think that it is tough because of his stance, power and therefore you are letting fear get in the way.

If you are not his type, he is also used to having who ever, when ever, "unless" that person doesn't give a hoot and I think he would and does admire that in a woman, someone who doesn't care for his power...

He may be intimidating you, I had bosses like that throughout my earlier life, but I found if I had the power, and that power was, in a light way, "yeah right, I'm not your type, and you certainly are't mine but I admire your guts", it backs them down and they think " mmm assertive, direct, and not nasty"... and leave it be...

Give it a go don't let fear get in the way..

C

**WildChild** · 03-06-2011 12:20 AM

Wow this is a toughie. I had hoped that this sort of nonsense had been left behind us - silly me.
Ah, the joys of being a woman in the work world! Most of us have dealt with some level of it at some time I'd guess.

When job hunting do consider that you are leaving some potential "perks" that you don't want and may be worth a pay cut. I agree with Seeker, document everything you can. There are far more sophiticated and much less bulky ways to record things. Go visit a decent sized tech store and explain that you are being harrassed and need an inobtrusive means of recording conversation and/or creating video. There are pens that can record conversation and VOX recorders that will do 8 hours or more and aren't much larger than a flash drive.

Is there anyone you work with that you trust to talk with about this? Any women that he victimized in the past who might be of help?

Would it do any good to just flat out tell him, "Look I'm not interested and if you do this again you will be eating your balls"? You could say it in a playful way (kind of like flipping someone off in a freindly way) something like, "You must be hungry", when he responds, my guess is it would be something suggestive, reply, "Oh, I thought you were wanting me to feed you your balls".

This is a no win deal. Unless you can get something to nail him for sexual harrassment or asault, your neck is on the line if he has the power to fire you. Getting sexually involved could make you a liability and it sounds like you are aware that it certainly won't mean you are anything special. Refusing him could also lead to firing. Either way you won't be able to stay at that job.

**WildChild** · 03-06-2011 12:22 AM

I like CWs line better, it has more finesse.

**rcoreyus** · 03-06-2011 12:28 AM

He is NOT rich and powerful enough to play by his own rules. If you are in the US, he is already guilty of harassment and worse, and he knows it. Next time tell him to stop. If he doesn't, or if he retaliates or fires you, call the police, or an attorney - sounds like a lot of other women are being mistreated as well, and there would be plenty of evidence to sue him - and he knows that too.

You can say no without creating a scene - at least at first. Maybe pull away and say "that's not what you are paying me for". It will remind him of he really thin ice he is on.

If he really is that rich, there are lots of lawyers who would love their cut of what you would sue him for....

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