Try a strap-on dildo.
I am a 30 year old woman and have been with my 35 year old husband for 5 years and we've been married for the last 2 of them.
He is the most wonderful man I've ever met, we have an amazing relationship, he is very, very caring & giving we laugh at the same things and share the same hopes for the the future we are very good friends and even talk frankly & openly with each other - which quite a few of my girl friends are surprised by. I couldn't wish to be with a better man... unfortunately there is a 'but' coming...
My husband has previously been married and tells me he has only been with one woman before that. I haven't been married before, but I have had more than my share of relationships and quite a few one night stands, I would say I'm sexually experienced.
One thing I feel too embarrassed to talk to my friends about is my sex life, he has a very small penis, it is the size of my little finger when it's erect and its also about the same width (it's actually the same size soft as well, it just stands upright when he gets hard) - in the past he said he said he measured it with his ex-wife and it was under 3" long & roughly 2" girth.
All the men I've been with have come in all different shapes & sizes, from small 4" one's up to much bigger 7" to 8" ones as well of course as being thinner & fatter, I'm guessing at these sizes because of course I don't lie in bed waiting to pounce on men with a tape measure, but its just how big they've seemed in my hand, mouth & stuff. I've always enjoyed sex whether its in a relationship or after a night out, I orgasm quite easily from intercourse and if I don't I'm not too embarrassed to guide a man to give me a helping hand, tongue or I just reach between us & do it myself.
When we got together & early in our relationship my hubby's small penis didn't bother me, I'm firmly in the "it's not what they've got but how they use it" camp as I've said I've enjoyed both big & small before and I wouldn't say from my past experience that bigger has been better - just different.
My hubby is an expert in bringing me to orgasm with his hands & tongue (whenever I want to orgasm, sometimes I just like fooling around, the kisses and hugs), when we're together we're amazingly intimate and I love him so much.
Through our open talking he asked me if he could buy a vibrator or 2, I said why not - it'd be fun, he bought a rabbit & a 6" dildo which we use and when he's using them we have a great time followed by intercourse afterwards.
But it is the pleasure from intercourse that I miss, that kind of has its own special feeling & even an intimacy that we're just not able to experience together - It's not that I think that I'm big inside or anything as I've had great pleasure from small penises in the past, a finger is all that's needed to get me going, it's just that my husband's is much smaller than even them.
He doesn't have self esteem issues, and of course we know all the angles & positions that make my insides shorter (pushing my legs up over his shoulders, doggie & him on top with my thighs closed, he actually doesn't reach my lips when we do this) but he barely reaches into me & when he does he often slips out. I feel his penis like I do a tampon, I feel the entry of it going in, but once its in I can't feel him. I've been doing exercises down there for the past couple of years and can really feel my muscles tightening on my finger, but as my finger is bigger than him, it's not made a difference to our sex life.
Some people will say be thankful you can be intimate together and he can please you with his hands, oral or toys - and I am truly thankful for that, its just that I really, really miss pleasure through intercourse, which has its feeling & its own fun. I love him so wouldn't have an affair but lack of feeling through straight-up sex isn't being compensated by his other skills. His lack of size does mean we don't really have spontaneous sex because its not like we can just jump on each other & manage to do it successfully, sex in the traditional sense just doesn't work at all, we have to take time together & involve tons of foreplay which I of course love & am grateful for, it's just that sometimes, just sex would be nice.
As I've said we've tried all the angles, positions and we have great non-intercourse relationships, I've been doing daily exercises for a few years & its not like I fantasise about being pounded by a 10incher but does anyone here have any advice, tips, guidance or experience of having sex with a man who's penis is probably 2 & half inches long & just as proportionately thing. As I love our lives together other than this fact I'm worried this feeling will grow over the coming years and become an issue greater than missing penetrative sex with a man & might actually lead to an affair or leaving him. which I can't ever imagine doing.
Any support is welcome & its only through the anonymity of this forum that I feel able to talk about it with anyone other than him.
Try a strap-on dildo.
We did try penis extenders, ticklers, vibro-rings & things but they didn't stay on as he was too small for them.
I've spent more time online looking into this & it looks like my husband is bordering on something called a micropenis which I've never heard of before today.
Its not like I can gain any support by looking at info on sex with small penis, as about 4" seems to be considered small and adjusting positions & angles is all that's needed to feel stuff happening, and we already do all that & still don't feel anything beyond the initial insertion but more often than not it doesn't reach beyond my outer lips
I've also seen load of threads on this forum about small penis or penis size and it seem that every woman here is with someone around 6" at least with more than I'd thought saying they're with someone who's big at around 8" although everyone seems to have experience of small penises (I say small but they still seem to be double my hubbys size) in their past but are no longer with those people - which is worrying me as I'm really happy with him, and I'm even happy with a lot of aspects of our sex life other than the lack of worthwhile penetrative sex.
Now I've written my thoughts down for the first time, I can see this is a bigger issue for me than I had realised & because its a physical limitation not a lack of knowledge, love or willing it is something I'll have to live with or not & both of those seem a bit scary now I've started thinking that way.
Demotivator, I wad going to suggest the same thing!
Ladylook, I kind of understand how you feel as my hubby is in the small side but we can still have nornal sex without a problem. I think that your concerns about it leading to an affair or leaving are valid. My hubby and I have had a lot of issues the past couple of years and during this time I am finding that I am less satisfied with him and starting to miss other men. I forget what it is like to be with someone who is bigger and would like to be with someone else for that reason. It is not like he can't satisfy me, he is the best partner that I have ever had. I know that saying this must make me seem pretty shallow! When things were good with us it was never a problem. It is when things are not so good, or very recently when my sex drive is uncontrolably high that I feel a bit unsatisfied with him being smaller than average. I think that it is great that you are thinking ahead and seeking a solution to the issue before it becomes a problem in the relationship. Ah-ha moment, maybe I should take my own advice and try a strap on with my hubby! We have never tried it before! I think that is wll give the closness of having actual intercourse with more satisfying penetration at the same time! I will try it and update you, please do the same if you decide to try one as well.
Last edited by Northstar; 03-07-2011 at 09:16 AM.
Lot of positions open up with a strap-on. He can hug and hold you anyway he wants. It is much more personal than a simple dildo because the motion is practically the same as during normal sex. You should be okay.
Last edited by demotivator; 03-07-2011 at 09:27 AM. Reason: typo
There is a bond that comes from intercourse that is hard to be equaled with oral, dildos, manual, etc... its emotionally satisfying on top of just the physical sensations to have the man you love inside your body, giving and recieving pleasure. You are not wrong in your feelings of wishing you guys had more of an ability to do that easier.
A lot of women have partners with average or big penises though, attached to men that have no interest in pleasing them... that ignore their s.o's needs/wants, that take them for granted... etc..
It sounds like you are able to see that what you have is a good solid relationship, with love and a man that cares deeply for you, I'm sure you probably feel guilty for wanting more -- but thats probably very normal.
My boyfriend is on the larger side, and while I am of the 'size doesn't matter' team... I can't pretend to understand what you are going through not being able to feel your man inside of you.
But I do think that if you know this is the man that you want to be with, you'll have to make some changes to the way you think and feel about sex in order to be happier in your situation. If you focus all your energy on wishing for the impossible ... you are right -- resentment will just fester and grow. You have to find a way to be able to feel that bond during other types of play... the mind is a powerful force and you can use it to work with you rather than against you.
It would be different if there were something he could do , there isn't. He is what he is and has what he has .. and leaving him for a man with bigger equipment, may leave you with a shell of a man that can reach your cervix... and I think you'd much prefer what you have with the man you are with to just any ol' guy with a bigger package.
So let yourself focus on the positives, on the way you are attracted to him, on how special he makes you feel, how you are best friends and 'get' each other, how he cares deeply about your satisfaction and pleasure... look into his eyes while he stimulates you manually , attempt to feel that connection THERE.
Sex is HUGELY important to any serious adult relationship in my opinion... but the kind of sex, the way people connect to it... its all individual and I think you don't have to be unhappy with this situation if you don't allow yourself to be.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
I've been with a man who had micro penis and it doesn't sound like your hubby is almost, I'd think he qualifies. In all honesty I was ok with the guy I dated but it was short lived relationship for other reasons. I rather doubt that it would have lasted long term. Some women really don't care about penetrative sex, it just doesn't do anything for them but for those of us who not only orgasm with penetration but also want the special connection that comes with that, its a problem or at least a significant challenge.
I can think of two avenues that combined might just do the trick. One is the strap on. Visit a higher quality adult shop, they should have some products that offer a very lifelike feel. The other is to investigate sacred sexuality. There are activities and ways of creating a deeper connection during arousal and intercourse that may help.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Really shouldn't do this, but as a guy, I'm not so sure I'd like to hear "Honey, I love everything about your and the way you make love to me, BUT you're just not big enough" Everything after the but would (for me anyway) give me a little pause about the sincerity of everything before. Especially in the context of having to wonder if what you've missed out from his size has outweighed everything else he has done to make your sex life as happy as he could.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
I'm kind of on Pretzel's side here a bit (us men ganging up!) No seriously, if I loved a woman that had a flat chest, or a loose vagina, I would still love her and want to make love to her. I do understand that penetration for some women is very important, but surely there are good ways this can be achieved without giving a smashing guy the "heave-ho"? None of us are perfect. As usual I find Hopeless Dork's words wise as well. Try Wildchild's ideas. x
I'm a little confused on why it took 5 years for you to realize that this is a problem. You said you were sexually experienced before you met your husband and you dated him for 3 years before you were married.Now I've written my thoughts down for the first time, I can see this is a bigger issue for me than I had realised & because its a physical limitation not a lack of knowledge, love or willing it is something I'll have to live with or not & both of those seem a bit scary now I've started thinking that way.
Didn't you miss the "just sex" penetration during the first 3 years? As open and honest as your relationship seems to be, you must have discussed this lack of fulfillment before now. If not, I can't even imagine how your husband is going to feel.
Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have