Thread: boyfriend doesn't want sex

I am new to posting on any sort of forum, but I don't know what to do anymore.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We have been living together for 4 months, but before he moved in, he spent every night at my apartment. For the first year of our relationship we had sex several times a day. He is very affectionate and always tells me he wants to marry me. The past few months, sex has dwindled to about once a month. He had been out of work and had said that he was so stressed about not working and finding a job that he just was not thinking about sex. We still kiss and hug and cuddle. He is now working and less stressed, but we still do not have sex. He always has an excuse of why he isn't in the mood. I dont know how he went from wanting me every minute of the day to no longer being attracted to me. I don't think he could be cheating, but maybe I am naive. It has crossed my mind that maybe he is gay as he has been spending time with a gay co-worker and often receives late night text messages (usually small talk) - but it still is weird to me.

is it just normal that couples have sex less frequently? if this is happening after a year, then what is the point in marrying into a sexless relationship?

after being togather for awhile, i see it normal to not have as much sex as in the begining!

and i can understand not wanting to have sex because of being stressed, but maybe now hes stressed about working his new job? that could be playing a role possibly?

have you talked to him about this?

Ok!!!! something is definitely happening; for a man this is not normal.

Naturally, a man loves "the chase". And while he's at it, he want more of it. During your first year, he wants more of it - it's something new. Now that he has access to it whenever he wants to, the likelihood of wanting more dwindles. Familiarity could lessen the frequency but not the quality - it all depends on both co-participants. Stress and depression are also huge factors. If his drive doesn't improve, try to urge him to get a physical exam - there might be a problem.

Observe yourself - take note how you were feeling within when he initiates the sex, and how you're feeling when YOU are the one wanting it. As per experience (I recorded those days and my "moods/feelings" actually for about 3 months), the more I feel "needy", the more he doesn't want to do it. The lesser I want him, the closer he wants to get and the more likelihood of him seducing me to want to make love. Get it?

For me it was the complete opposite, in the beginning hardly any sex now after living together for a year and a bit at least once a week(thats a lot for us) we are very sexual people but like holding back because it is more intense and meaningful imo, having sex all the time gets boring, trying something new always helps, and lots and lots of communication. Openly talking about what turns you on and what you like in a non sexual way(i.e.: just sitting on the couch relaxing) is a great way to help your sex life. You may feel a but embarrassed at first but if he loves you he'll understand and want to please you and want to know HOW in ways he's never before. You may find out a few things about him too!

Good luck!

How much variety do you normally have in your sex life? Some people get bored if it's the same ole, same ole overand over and over again.

Try switching things up. Maybe send him provocative text messages during the day (no pictures though). Or just throw him down and ravage him one day, don't even give him a chance to say no. Personally I love when my SO is aggressive. The more aggressive the better.

Although I have to admit late night text messages from a gay co-worker I find odd.

As far as sex deminishing with time, I guess it is somewhat normal. Although two people, living alone, no kids. I'd be gettin' it on everyday.

otoh, it's not entirely normal to be exchanging lots of "late night text messages" with a gay co-worker...

I have to agree with M.I and Texasred - this is a big red flag.