I need a female's advice, please.

**pinknfwuffy** · 03-13-2011 12:04 PM

I encountered an uncomfortable situation a few days ago and I do not feel appropriate speaking about it in a public forum other than to say that I am confused and afraid. I am posting because I think it would help to speak to a female, through private message or whatever form that may be.

Even if just one you would give me a few moments of your time so I could vent and try and understand these feelings, I would really appreciate it.

**T-N-L** · 03-13-2011 12:32 PM

If ya need a chat im here

**ItsASecret** · 03-13-2011 12:43 PM

An online forum is perfect for situations like this, I would encourage you to talk in private messages (you cannot send any until you have 33 posts) as well as out in the forum. No one knows you and a forum provides a place to just type up a storm and vent. There are going to be many women who likely have the same questions as you but are also too afraid to ask. If you have it open more people are going to see the questions you have and you will get much more exposure to answers. Maybe even a few different types of answers that one single individual would have never been able to give you.

**pinknfwuffy** · 03-13-2011 02:18 PM

Thank you, both. I didn't realize I needed 33 posts to PM but I suppose I could try here. It is less that my problem is too personal or embarrassing and more that I am not entirely sure what to call what had happened, or where it would be most appropriate to post.

In a very simplified way, a person I only knew as an aquaintence on a group trip touched me physically in an innapropriate manner. There was no sex or genital contact, but he knew what he was doing and that I did NOT want it. I said so repeatedly and tried to move away.

Right now, I am experiencing a sensation of intense confusion as to why someone would think they can touch you without your permission. I just don't understand.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2011 02:36 PM

No means no full stop...

This aquaintance, is he a friend of the last guy, you had a casual relationship with? I ask because, that guy may have talked and therefore, his mate, tried it on...

In which case, I would ensure I distanced myself from that last casual relation....

Where were you, were there people close by?

Irrespective, he's a creep, immature and should be accountable for his actions...

Were there other people around? YELL LOUDLY in future, if anyone touches you in-appropriately so that you are heard by others saying NO and if anyone does that again, muster strength and kick him where it hurts and walk away, get up and move what ever it takes, and say I SAID NO...

Sorry that you had to go through that....

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-13-2011 02:40 PM

The first thing you need to do is understand its not your fault, you never deserve to be touched by anyone without your consent. Second you need to NEVER be put in a position where you are around this person again. If he is a predator, he was simply gauging what he could get away with and if you didn't scream and yell at him, make a scene etc... he may figure you for an easy target to push further bounderies at a later time.

A lot of sick men are fully well aware of the humiliation a lot of women experience when talking about being sexually harassed, molested, raped, touched etc... and they are experts at picking out which women will resist and make a scene and which women will be so embarassed at what happened they will likely just deal with it internally, leading to them 'getting away with it'.

If you can't bring yourself to tell someone, do not allow yourself to be around him again. And if this ever happens with another man... be loud in your dismay at what he is doing.. draw attention to it in a way that makes him KNOW you will not sit silently by and be assaulted. "GEt your hands of ME, bob!!" in a serious LOUD voice ... men that prey on women in this way are COWARDS and he will likely skirt off with his tail between his legs at the slightest sign you mean business.

**pinknfwuffy** · 03-13-2011 02:46 PM

Thank you, both.

I should have been louder. I don't know why I wasn't. You just feel so scared.

I had only met him right before the trip, it was part of a program we were both involved in. The rest of the group was out for the night and only two others were home, at the other end of house and pretty far away. Before this incident I had had nothing more than a short conversation with him at the group breakfast table.

When I finally pushed enough to get away and leave, he just laughed at me and it made me feel even worse.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2011 02:52 PM

He is a sleeze, trying it on, don't take offense to his laughter, that's his defense of being rejected...

You should tell the group.. That way it will get back to him, and at him, as someone will tell him off, make him feel like a jerk, and unfortunately, these creeps do exist, they do try it on, as HD said, in future, never put yourself in a vulnerable situation, trust no one, if the group was out for the night, surround yourself with others and if you can't go out with the group...

I honestly don't think you should just let this go and hide behind it, he deserves to be caught out over this ...Talk to the group sweet...

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-13-2011 04:47 PM

A man's perspective...

No means No! All the time, every time.

This guy is a dirt ball and needs to be dealt with.

I too suggest strongly that you talk to the group leader about what happened to you, when, where, etc. I don't mean in detail...touched inappropriately..is description enough, but the leader needs to know. They cannot take action if they don't know.

As for your confusion, I would consider that to be normal under the circumstances you have described. Who wouldn't be confused? I would.

DO NOT blame yourself for ANY part of this, as it is not your fault.