Thread: Boyfriend's masturbation over porn has slowly ruined our relationship and sex life...

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

If you can't fathom what you see in the back of your mind, everytime you look at him...

If he can't communicate,denies.

If he can't compromise and discuss.

Then there is no relationship, regardless of what the topic is.

CW

Beautifully well put miss C-dub.

To the Op, this is less about porn and masturbation and more about the fact he isn't concerned with YOUR sexual needs, your desire to feel wanted, craved, special..... and satisfied. You want to have more intimacy with him, and he obviously has the drive for sexual release , he's just wasting his energy on himself rather than sharing it with you... which is an act of selfishness, and not one that is in anyway good for the relationship.

It would be different if you didn't want sex and he turned to self time, but when you are wanting him and he refuses to share himself with you... there is a problem with the intimacy and that is what you need to address with him. If you go after the porn and masturbation all he is going to think is you are just trying to control him etc... he wont see the wedge he is driving in your sexual relationship with him unless you point that out to him.

Also , you mention being sexually available to him... but do you also inniciate? Have you said... in actual words... to him.. that you want him? That you want him more often? Could it be that he thinks he's doing you a favor by not bothering you for sex? If so you need to communicate with him, and share what you want etc.

You deserve to be made love to the way that you want, and so does he... so make sure that you are willing to compromise the time of day you do it, the type of sex you have... if its always having to be romantic, shake it up and have hot dirty quickies on the living room floor etc... exchanging oral sex instead of intercourse sometimes... etc..

I myself was having a similar problem...not so much the porn but we didn't have sex for about 3.5 months. I tried talking about it with him and it didn't work.

A couple of weeks ago i flat out plain and simple said "Can we please have sex tonight?" and it changed everything. He has since then started initiating sex, and it made our communication better. He told me that he thought i didn't enjoy having sex with him etc.

What i am trying to say is i totally agree with hopeless dork. Sometimes you just have to come right out and say it. I understand it can be really nerve wrecking to initiate things sometimes but atleast if you say Lets have sex tonight and he doesn't go for it, then you know that he does not deserve you and its time to move on.

Totally agree that if there is no scope for intelligent, non-judgemental discussion there is no relationship.

Have you thought about asking to share his fascination with porn with you? You won't be able to do anything about changing his attraction to porn altho he may eventually grow out of it to a degree. Many guys find it hot if their partner enjoys porn. Don't see it as something he prefers over you, its perfectly normal to be aroused by things outside your own relationship - however its not good if this is something he wants to keep to himself or which takes over from sex with you.

It may be cliche and somethikng women don't want to hear but men do want a lot of sex and its not always compatible with their partner's desires. Count yourself lucky that he's taking care of his needs at home with a fantasy woman rather than seeking one out for real.