Some Sex/Relationship Questions for you Females - Advice Needed...

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-14-2011 07:01 PM

I have been seeing my current gf for about 6 weeks and so far it has been pretty good. for the first month, we saw each other EVERY day and had sex EVERY TIME we were together. Great sex, too. The only time we didn't have sex was during her period, so I'm not worried about that. However, it has now been 2 weeks since we last had, but she was on her period all last week (started on Tues, last week) - her 2nd since we've been together.

That first month, where we had sex constantly was great and perhaps spoiled me and made me start to expect it more than I should. However, even before her 2nd period started (Wed that week prior) we stopped having sex, but we saw each other wed, fri, sat, and sun. In fact, she didn't seem too intimate at all and Sunday was downright irritable/moody due to stomach pains (which she attributed to her period that started just two days later). I figured she was not interested in sex anymore because she was losing attraction to me.

I thought maybe we were seeing too much of each other and felt like maybe I was being too clingy/needy, so I thought I would just back off a bit and give her some space and let us not hang out with each other during every free minute we have. So I did just that - I hung out with my friends last Saturday and she hung out with hers. Sunday night, we hung out shortly and she went home afterwards, whereas usually she would just stay over at my house. I don't mind this, as I am usually pretty independent and I totally respect a girl that is independent and has a life outside the relationship - in fact, I think some level of independence is CRITICAL part of any good relationship.

So all last week, I saw her only on Wed, Sat, and Sunday (if Sunday is considered "last week"). We obviously didn't get intimate due to her period, but we did just have conversation and ended each night with a kiss goodbye. We text each other at various times throughout the day, and I have been trying to text her less and invite her to do things less often so that she feels like she has space and can move at her own pace.

I guess I'm getting confused because I can't tell if she is just not into having sex anymore or if it was because of her period that she didn't want to do it (I didn't want to either, as the blood is kinda off-putting). Secondly, what are your thoughts on how I'm playing this thing? Am I reading her signals properly? She stopped being "horny" before she was on her period, so I took that to mean maybe she wanted some space/alone time. I am fine with being more independent, I guess I just need clarification and some opinions on how I am handling this.

It just seems odd how one day she was so physically attracted and then overnight it's like the switch was shut off and she isn't down for sex anymore. She does seem interested in me but I am just kinda confused at the moment. Any thoughts, ladies?

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-14-2011 08:19 PM

Too much, too soon, too fast, perhaps?

**kristalyn_04** · 03-14-2011 08:28 PM

Dude, just take it easy and not read too much into this. A woman's moods can change on a day-to-day basis, sometimes due to hormones and sometimes for another reason. It probably has nothing to do with you. Just chill out and let her come to you, don't push it.

**jns** · 03-14-2011 09:01 PM

How are you sure that she wanted space? Did the two of you talk about it? She may be throwing out signals that you aren't catching. Does she know that guys don't do hints?

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-14-2011 09:03 PM

that's essentially what i am doing, krystalin. I have slowed things down and let her initiate meet-ups and texting, etc. I just was wondering if that was the right play here, and I think it is.

I always appreciate the perspective of a woman and I have been in relationships where the woman was too needy/attached/clingy and it definitely turned me off, so I wanted to be sure I wasn't doing the same.

And yea, I tend to read too much/overanalyze things ALOT - which is why I seek out other opinions!

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-14-2011 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by jns

How are you sure that she wanted space? Did the two of you talk about it? She may be throwing out signals that you aren't catching. Does she know that guys don't do hints?

I don't KNOW, but I was just getting that sense that she was maybe overwhelmed by our spending so much time together. What signals might you be talking about and what do you mean by "guys don't do hints..."

I'm probably proving your point just by posting this, huh?

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-14-2011 10:34 PM

I think pulling back after a lack of frequent sex would be a mistake. If the sex was what you guys were all about when you first hooked up , perhaps she is laying off to see if you guys have a connection outside of just sex. If you pull away from her because you aren't getting any... it may end up looking like all you want from her is a sexual relationship. And if she wants an emotional connection with someone, you may not look like the person for her if you can't appreciate her company without sex.

It could very well be she's just crampy, moody... it could be that she is wanting to see if you guys can develop into more than just sex... it could be any number of reasons she's pulled back on the sex for just a few days... seriously, from what you describe it isn't a long period of time that she's pulled back on it... but regaurdless i SERIOUSLY doubt its due to a lack of attraction to you. If she was ever attracted to you and you haven't done anything douchebaggy... she still is likely just as attracted to you.

Have you guys had any arguments? Have you done anything that might have hurt her feelings? Women can pull back sexually when they feel slighted emotionally.

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-14-2011 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think pulling back after a lack of frequent sex would be a mistake. If the sex was what you guys were all about when you first hooked up , perhaps she is laying off to see if you guys have a connection outside of just sex. If you pull away from her because you aren't getting any... it may end up looking like all you want from her is a sexual relationship. And if she wants an emotional connection with someone, you may not look like the person for her if you can't appreciate her company without sex.

It could very well be she's just crampy, moody... it could be that she is wanting to see if you guys can develop into more than just sex... it could be any number of reasons she's pulled back on the sex for just a few days... seriously, from what you describe it isn't a long period of time that she's pulled back on it... but regaurdless i SERIOUSLY doubt its due to a lack of attraction to you. If she was ever attracted to you and you haven't done anything douchebaggy... she still is likely just as attracted to you.

Have you guys had any arguments? Have you done anything that might have hurt her feelings? Women can pull back sexually when they feel slighted emotionally.

no arguments at all, but I do tell her, not too often though, how much I like her and find her attractive in ways that aren't related to her physical beauty. We do hang out without having sex or sleeping with each other, and we get along just fine. She has been in some pretty ed up relationships, not long before me. The last guy was incredibly smothering/controlling/cheated on her, and the guy before that beat her pretty frequently and she was trapped until she found a way out.

I think she is damaged goods to some extent but she is so intelligent and kind that I think she will eventually learn to trust me. I think she may have trust issues is all and maybe you're right that she wants too make sure this is not based purely on sex, and i am willing to show her that it is not. I really like her alot.

**WildChild** · 03-14-2011 10:58 PM

A couple of things come to mind. What besides "hanging out" and having sex have the two of you done together? Have you been on many actual dates? Why don't plan something, perhaps for this coming weekend? Not dinner and a movie, unless she is a movie nut. Something fun, maybe physically active to a degree, something that will allow the two of you interact. Afterwards do take her out to eat so you can relax and chat.

If you are alone together, touch but without expectation of sex. Touch and kiss for the pleasure of just that interaction. Too many men, far too often, get into the kiss, kiss, go for the goodies habit. Women's arousal doesn't work that way. We need more build up, more sexual tension, and more anticipation to feel like we aren't just a booty call (unless you have a FWB agreement).

As for men not doing hints. What most of you think is a hint, to a woman is the equivalent of bashing you over the head with a basebat and screaming in your ear, after which the male, says, "did you say something?". So, while there are exceptions, for most part men don't do hints at least not in the way that women do. You might find a humorous way to explain that to her to encourage her to open up and tell you what she is thinking.

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-15-2011 12:13 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

A couple of things come to mind. What besides "hanging out" and having sex have the two of you done together? Have you been on many actual dates? Why don't plan something, perhaps for this coming weekend? Not dinner and a movie, unless she is a movie nut. Something fun, maybe physically active to a degree, something that will allow the two of you interact. Afterwards do take her out to eat so you can relax and chat.

If you are alone together, touch but without expectation of sex. Touch and kiss for the pleasure of just that interaction. Too many men, far too often, get into the kiss, kiss, go for the goodies habit. Women's arousal doesn't work that way. We need more build up, more sexual tension, and more anticipation to feel like we aren't just a booty call (unless you have a FWB agreement).

As for men not doing hints. What most of you think is a hint, to a woman is the equivalent of bashing you over the head with a basebat and screaming in your ear, after which the male, says, "did you say something?". So, while there are exceptions, for most part men don't do hints at least not in the way that women do. You might find a humorous way to explain that to her to encourage her to open up and tell you what she is thinking.

We've done plenty of dates - bowling, pool, parties, bars, restaurants, shooting range, etc. I will tell her, again, to just be straight and up-front with me because you're right, men aren't so good at picking up signals sometimes. There have been times where we have kissed and touched without having sex and the fact that she used to INITIATE the sex but hasn't lately is what had me wondering.